Sunday, August 28, 2016

Some prefer her helpless!

She is the definition of perfection… Everything you would desire and more. A heart of gold; the right mindset; funny; witty; a beauty queen; she dreams big and actually delivers… The only problem is she has  “independent” written all over her! 

There is something about women who have experienced independence and achievements that sets eligible suitors running for the exit door! And I can fairly say it this time IT IS NOT YOU… IT IS THEM. All of them; the culture, the society, and the men. It is not that your strength is not welcomed, it just has to be subtle. Don't you dare use it to become the exception in the "good girl" rule book because they scare easy. Men definitely get attracted to "original" women, ones who know what they want and probably how to get it too but will they marry them?! 

I have witnessed the same scenario over and over again to the extent that it has become expected! Strong, successful women are more likely to end up alone! Consequently, a consolidating myth was born; strong, independent women choose to be single. But I can firmly assure you that no, for the women who are looking, they do not aim after the label “spinster.” They do want a man to share life with and cute chubby babies to snuggle, but they do not settle or merely accept what is being offered. It is quiet normal - no actually, it is required-  for fresh female graduates to aspire; job-hunt and pursue a career that is until age strikes close to 30… It is right then and there that the same hands which applauded your determination will point their fingers at you for being "late." Many women will admit that it is slim pickings out there but the courageous ones would say it like it is; it is not about finding a man, it is about finding the man who can handle being with me! 

As women we have been advised to be needy enough to make men feel important but not too much as to drive them away. We have been asked to limit our strength to standing by our man. We have been taught that a woman’s tears are her strongest weapon yet warned from depending on a man. We have been urged to fall for a man, get married, but keep an eye for whenever he decides to cheat or leave or even die. And I wonder, how is that working for us?! It reached the point of downright confusing, on one end women are encouraged to expand their potentials and on the other they get punished for their hard-earned success. And so slogans have been raised to point the fact that when it comes to relationships, modernisation is restricted to appearances. 


And just like that a different species of women is acknowledged, the kind that men admire but would not dare committing to. As if, in an indirect way, women are given three options to be in a relationship; (1) apologize for their achievements, (2) split the costs of living, or (3) give it all up because after all compromise is a woman's specialty. 

But see, that is just an excuse for men's slackness and getting too comfortable. If you are a woman who earn, you are like a time bomb because you have a choice and therefore you have a voice that cannot be silenced, And that is just frowned upon! So why bother let's bring in kittens who would scare easily instead. But God… How wrong can they be? Because, how many times have you heard about women who felt helpless and resource-free but decided to leave when enough was just the right amount of enough?! Countless… 

Men really do not know what to do with strong women! There are many how to’s guiding men who are unfortunate to date women with a bigger pay check or have achieved more than they ever did! Can you imagine? Guidelines on how to accept a superior woman, but none for women on accepting superior men! And that for me translates to “all what men can bring to the table is financial support.” That this is the only way they know how to keep a woman caged in their homes, to own them, and guarantee that they will never leave. But I do not blame them, that is what they have been told, and they have an eye for the future. A strong woman disturbs the peace of a quiet home. She would not accept any bone you throw at her. She would not swallow lame excuses for negligence. She would demand her rights and will not let it go until her voice is heard. 

So the next time you meet a man who run away or put you in the friend zone because of your “independence” ask him these questions…

What are you really afraid of? 
Is it that I can meet you eye to eye? 
Is it that I am looking for a partner rather than a boss?
Is it that I can have a say?
Is it that I can push you to become your best version? 
That I can pack my bags and leave or worse kick you out? 
That I will not fetch any bone you throw at me?
Is it that I have the power to say “Enough”?
Is it that I can live without you but I might choose not to?
Is it that I have a clear vision of what I want and What I need?

Other than that, YOU walk away... Because he is looking for an extension not a wife.

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