Thursday, October 21, 2010

Love crimes

It started out like a fairytale
You looked at me and I looked at you
I noticed you and you noticed me
You liked what you saw
And I admired the decisiveness in your voice
You were one of a kind; a unique soul
The heat was too much to take
Oh the games we played
Yes, the games you played
One day you’re in; one day you’re out
In mornings you loved me;
By afternoons you were bored
You had me hooked
You knew that
I was destined to live by your book
Nowhere is where I went
I was here, standing, waiting for you to make up your mind
Will you give me your heart?
A year had passed before the games had stopped
You shattered me and yet I was not to give up
You said it; the three words I asked from you
Yet the manipulations did not stop…
A happy home is what I thought we would share
In your eyes I have longed to stare
But the cruel gazes you sent my way
Showed me how love has gone astray
I swore I was innocent from the sins you threw at me
For my heart never loved a man but you
My hands never touched a hand but yours
My thoughts never reached the doorstep of your home
My bad… Your prison…
You locked me in
And I surrendered willingly
People told me it’s out of love you silly
Give him your heart, your soul and body
In his bliss you’ll live long honey
But I tried and it wasn’t enough
As one day you decided to play it rough
Your hands bruised me inside out
Your curses filled me up
Have no doubt
My respect has been replaced with fear
I no longer love you
I hate you the most
And yet you left no way for me to run
You owned every breath I take
You owned every move I make
You owned my cries, my pleas; my awe
You owned it all but you lost me honey
You think I’m beautiful
Then why tare my beauty down
You think I’m attractive
Then why blow my candle out
You made me feel that every man wants me but you
You sinned my body; called me the devil
And you had to live with that too?
You said I was your biggest mistake
What does that make of me?
You said I was your weakest point?
What does that make of me?
You said I was dead to you
And what did I do?
I shot you…
I set you free
From all the crimes you had to commit to me
The manipulations…
The doubts…
The jealousy…
The controlling…
You’ve sinned the most
When you lied to me about whom you are
I loved you and you didn’t comply
And I shall regret nothing
For it’s just another crime made under the name of love…

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The perfectionism faux pas

(Published in Magnificent Magazine - Addiction issue 2010)

In our quality studded double standard world, a perfectionist is a star, a unique successful person, someone who’s worthy of everyone’s attention and the perfect candidate for idolism. When you come to think of it, you’ll see how you, I and practically every breathing person roaming this earth were pushed to be perfect, starting with our parents who falsely wished to have perfectly mannered children, who achieve the perfect grades and devise the most perfect career there ever was. To commercials which succeeded to wickedly invade our soft core and stimulate the already frenzied shopping addiction using only one word perfection.
So we buy expensive cars to be perfect; we splurge on insane couture to be perfect; we take, inhale, cut and sniff God knows what to have the perfect figure; we twist, turn and bend inside out to land the perfect partner, therefore life, therefore children and we beat ourselves harshly everyday for not following the much complicated guidelines to achieve perfection. Regarding all the aforementioned truths, does perfection count as something good as we’re made to believe or is it merely a faux pas?!

Well… Sometimes, when a healthy desire for perfection exists, it turns out to be a blessing, an unstoppable engine driving people to accomplishments and sparking the necessary twist to ignite motivation. It provides the power to persevere and give much attention to minute details. Perfection also ties people down, obligates them to commit to their project, to persist, to see it through to the end and to reject failure even when it comes in the form of alluring procrastination.
But, and that’s a very unfortunate but, perfectionism spreads through most of us in its ugliest form, where it becomes an obsession, a firing craze to always be a winner, which usually ends with flat out disappointment. That’s why you see most perfectionists are either depressed or weary workaholics, it’s because they, or to be much honest, we have an eerie belief system. A perfectionist easily believes that there’s no room for error thus would relentlessly torture himself over the pettiest mistake as what he achieves means much more than any other blessing he might ever get. It’s the success; it’s the people clapping their hands until they’re sore in respect for their astonishing work; this is what that they are after, anything less can immediately walk a perfectionist through depression, disappointment and self-loathing.

What comes next is the normal expected consequences of perfectionism, where one would be very inflexible and unable to deal and cope with change. To the extent that if you want to flip a perfectionist over, just mess with his/her daily routine and you’ll know what obsession really means. And because of the failing attempts at perfection; a perfectionist is usually associated with a compulsive behavior may it be alcohol, food, drugs, shopping, sex and smoking. That of course happens with an obvious lack of belief in self and own worth and so low productivity happens.
So now, it won’t come as a shocker to you when you hear of a failure perfectionist. In fact, the majority of perfectionists happen to be marked with low productivity as they care too much about how to get things done that to actually get it done.

If you are the natural healthy perfectionist type then you are not part this schemed faux pas, but if you fell for the spell, pushed yourself too hard to please the crowd and gain acceptance through the perfectionist reputation, then I’ve got a couple of things to share with you…
1. There is no such thing as “the right way” to do things; everyone has his own approach that works for them.
2. You can’t blame others for your depression or low accomplishments just as much as no one will ever take credit for your successes.
3. There is no harm in failed attempts; it’s where you give up on things that you’ve failed.
4. Perfectionism comes from you, you’re the one who decides if things are done perfectly or not so don’t be hard on yourself.
5. We are humans after all, we’re allowed screw ups
6. Everyone has a field of expertise you can’t ace it all.
7. Some things just don’t get finished like house chores and work.
8. Like you torture yourself over failures, praise your success.
9. Keep the adventure spirit alive, dabble different approaches instead of knocking on a concealed door that will never open.
10. Perfectionism is subjective!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Mr. Tortuous... You're nothing but a lover!

(Published in He Said She Said Magazine - July/August issue 2010)

In mere language notion, “tortuous” means twisted and complex, but in relationship terms tortuousness stands for those who are indirect, ambiguous and unable to keep their promises.

Disclaimer: This article is not dedicated to tortuous women not because they don’t exist or out of the fact that women are better than men or that I’m justifying their reasons, but due to their scarcity. As when a woman is being indirect or vague about her intentions with a man, it usually means she’s either not that into him or picked up on the vibe that he’s aiming a long-term relationship which is not what she’s looking for at the moment.
This article is not dedicated to womanizers who use tortuousness to mess with women’s minds, hearts and hopes. However, this article IS dedicated to tortuous men who have adopted this technique unintentionally and wonder why they never pass the “firsts” phase.

Ever since I understood how men-women relationships work, I became a firm believer that women everywhere love playing the mentor role for their men. They love the challenge, the possibility of changing a dense man into a loving committed partner and curing his illness. As winning that hard to get man over is a simple yet powerful testimony of the strength of their femininity and power to embark change. But when a woman tries and chase, tries again and chases a little bit more and change is nowhere to be seen, she starts to lose faith in her man. She starts to doubt his seriousness and intentions, after all women were not made to chase men; they were made to be pursued by men. And the emotional roller coaster tortuous men, like you, put her through become too tiring as she prefers to be with someone whom she can understand and interpret. Thus, she loses interest and leaves.

So, you see Mr. Tortuous, this is how women work…
When you come off as a player, you might seem appealing to a certain very limited segment of women at first. But for those who’re looking for commitment, once they’ve got you all figured out, you’ll be dumped at the nearest exit.
When a woman is confused about the nature of your relationship, because one day you’re together and the next you’re acting like you don’t even know her, eventually she’ll give up and quit. For that way, Mr. Tortuous, she sees you’re only good for busy women who want part-time men.
When your words are vague and your promises never leave the words zone, women see you as an incompatible man. Because for women, real men are direct with their needs and wants, confident decision makers who have no problem making a promise and sticking to it. And since you’re not fitting under that category, you’re not the perfect candidate for a potential partner.
And when a woman feels she’s taken for granted, that you’re keeping her there until someone better comes along, she’ll lose her trust in you on her way to losing her self-esteem.

Accordingly, it’s very much possible for you to stand by watching the woman you love walk away because you didn’t know what exactly went wrong. You thought women love mystery, you thought they appreciated hard to get men, you thought they enjoyed being tortured for love. Well… You’re wrong. Women translate shadiness, indirectness and lost promises as:
a. Lack of interest. Hence, you’re ditching the woman but in an indirect way.
b. Commitment jitters, where you can’t handle being in steady relationship.
c. Being rushed into a promise that you can’t get out of, so you’re pushing her to breaking up with you.
d. Indifference, where you take nothing serious, nothing is important to you not even your relationship with her.
e. Hiding a secret or a hideous past you want concealed.
f. Being a loner who cherishes privacy and keeping personal distance

Therefore this article is dedicated to you Mr. Tortuous, to tell you why you can’t hold on to a relationship. To open your eyes to a blind spot you could not spot on your own. If a steady relationship is what you’re seeking, then you better speak up. If you find a woman worthy of your love and time, stay direct with your intentions. Keep her on the same page as you are, define your relationship. If you make a promise, try your best to make it happen or at least say you no longer can keep it.
Mr. Tortuous, I want you to think of the many good women you’ve lost because of your shadiness. I want you to remember every situation where you passed on the chance for settling down because you thought women were experts with picking up on signals. Women will not put words in your mouth; they’ll wait around for you to make your move.
If you failed to do so, then automatically you’re removed from the partner section to nothing but a tortuous lover…

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

When sex-addiction becomes a Woman's thing!

(Published in Magnificent Magazine - Addiction issue)

In a world where ownership and ruling has been forevermore men exclusive, sex was no exception. In fact, sex has been portrayed as all that men ever think about; sex is how you attract a man; sex is how you keep a man; sex is how you’re rated by man and thus the world. So, it was only natural for men consumed by such tremendous amount of sex, to get hooked. Women, on the other hand, are famous for their romance capability, their lust for intimacy and friendship, and their outstanding nurturing performance. Such delicate and loving creatures take the world by storm when they act out of order. When she turns from a dandy lover to a wild party animal, from a nurturing mother to someone who puts her career first, from a shy desire-free flower to a monster who’s ready to take everything at sight and from a caged bird to a woman who’s not afraid to speak her sexuality…
Like men, women get addicted to sex, but not under the same notion. Most sex-addicts from the pink planet don’t have pleasure on their plates; they have other reasons, other factors and other people contributing to their addiction…

1. When the father figure goes missing
Ask a girl who has lost her father at a young age about security and she’ll give you a blank face. Ask her about protection and she’ll reply with extremes. Ask her about men and she’ll tell you they are never to be trusted. A woman who has experienced what professionals call “trauma during childhood” is expected to act out. This woman is after company, not sex. She wants to have a man by her side when life becomes too scary; she wants to feel the presence of a male with a little bit of revenge mixed with need, so she puts out. And what starts as nothing but a trick to attract men, turns into a habit, a manual to attract men that never fails and so she becomes a sex addict.
2. When physical leads to numbness
As it’s the case with any addiction, pain makes the headlines. There are no restrictions when it comes to the cause of pain, anything will do. In fact, sometimes all it takes is a minor strain to turn one’s life upside down. Failure happens to be a major pain trigger. Failing to achieve, to find love, to be loved, to succeed, to enjoy and to feel good about oneself are all enough causes for a woman to resort to sex to feel the satisfaction she’s missing in the real world. Her success to please a man and make him beg for more gives her the thrill she needs to keep on living. She may not get an orgasm, she might not even know how an orgasm feels, but it’s the virtual moment she enjoys that makes her forget all about her pain, failure and distorted body frame.
3. When the need to feel desirable strikes
Make a woman feel beautiful and you’ll keep her for life. But what if she lost that feeling? What if she never knew how beautiful feels? What if she’s spent her life being casted aside and made fun of? When any person is subjected to rejection becomes either an introvert or an extrovert. Women who show sex-addiction, uses sex to prove people wrong, they want to show the world how much men desire them, how sexy and attractive men find them and accordingly, one-night stands become their thing, only for the sake of revenge, nothing more and nothing less.
4. When abused stands for used
The stereotyped image for sexually abused women is lost and so they become. I’m not generalizing here; I know there are the fighters who work hard to fit life back into customary context, but I also know those who fell down hard and sunk deep into despair. Those helpless women found acceptance in sex, the very same acceptance they wanted to find among society yet failed. They find sex as their savior and their pill to spend life without looking back at the shameful day that turned them into decent prostitutes.
5. When swallowed by loneliness
I know how loneliness treats a person, she calls him a nothing, a neglected object, an extra word that’s constantly deleted and she yells at him, put him down and makes him feel like a good for nothing. What cures loneliness is the company of another soul, it doesn’t matter if it’s pure or evil, it doesn’t matter if it’s sincere or betraying; all that matters is that it’s there. Married women experience loneliness, working women experience loneliness, mothers experience loneliness and sex becomes their toy, their source of entertainment and the most fun thing they look forward to do.
6. When self-worth = ??
How many women you know define themselves according to men, to their relationships with men? Women who don’t know who they are outside the commitment bubble, women who don’t know their capabilities and their strengths; women who feel worthless unless they’re dangling from a man’s arm. I know hundreds and I’m sure there are millions of women who can’t define their identities without the help of a man with magical arms to shape them and what better way to get that man than by some magical sex.

Call them desperate, needy or weak. Call them shadows who have been misguided. They are women who live among as, and like all earth-ian women they want love and acceptance. And along their tiring journey in search, they come across sex. They become addicted to sex, those who were once addicted to love and the rush love brings, move on to the next level and trust that sex will never fail to give them what they need, a man by their side and an effective anesthetic until life becomes all pink again.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Even God won't change the past

(Published in Euphoria Magazine - May 2010 issue)

Why would a rapped girl live as a sinner for the rest of her life when she didn’t do wrong? Why would an ex- drug-addict be treated like a fatal infection when he’s already cured? Why would a woman be punished for her right to love and choose a suitable partner when she has a mind of her own? Because people’s views will forever stay the same; once they label someone for a sinner will always be a sinner? No such thing as second chances, no such thing as a strong will to carry on. When they say you’ve wronged, you’re dead, even if God still wants you alive…
Exhibit A:
With a bitter fuming voice, my once madly in love friend started trashing all living women, calling them liars, deceivers and something about being tossed cans! It’s been exactly two months since I last saw him, I remember him being all worked up about this girl he met during a leadership course and how thankful he’s to God to have guided him to that specific place to meet the perfect girl for him. What happened? Did she cheat? Faked her identity? Had an illegitimate child? What could’ve possibly happened to turn someone on the verge of proposing to absolute hatred and anger?
Him: “I’m not her first!”
Me: “Do you mean she’s not a virgin?”
Him: “NO, no, I mean she’s been in love before”
Me: “She’s been in love before! That’s it… that’s what supposed to make her an unsuitable wife and mother for your kids. She’s a twenty something “woman”. Did you truly expect to meet a “woman” who’s been caged all those years, waiting for you?!”
Him: “She wasn’t engaged, she was very specific; I’ve been in a relationship before”
Me: “So, if she was engaged, would that make her honorable, respectful and worthy of your precious ring? You’ve been in relationships before, you’ve been in love before, but it didn’t work out. And it’s not like she’s sinned, it’s her right to love and choose who she wants to be with. Or would you prefer her to stick around in a doomed relationship just because people like you would not want to marry her afterwards? Or better yet, lie about having previous relationships so that people like you would place her under the good Egyptian girl category and would want to marry her? She’s not a woman with a past; she’s an honest woman, with nothing to be ashamed of, and a free will to choose.”
Exhibit B:
It was my first time to attend an ambiguous writers’ meeting, where no one, not even the staff had a clue about what the coming issue is about. So, for the sake of jumpstarting ideas, they asked each of us to share a life changing experience and the impact it had on our personalities, beliefs, views and everything. Thus, after a long pause free from eye contacts and some “come on-s” from the editors, a dark attractive guy saved us all and took the stage…
“Hello everyone, I’m someone someone. A year ago, I was a drug addict, heroin to be specific. Regardless of how I got there and how my parents found out, what matters is that I was placed in a hideous rehab center which I escaped a couple of times. Each time, my family would force me to go back and each time I manage to either escape or smuggle in drugs to keep me there for a few days. Until, I witnessed a friend die from overdose. He was a rich kid, with everything to live and get well for, instead he chose to escape through drugs. His death shook me to my very core because I knew him; I talked to him and shared drugs with him. Only, then I realized that death is near, especially to me, so close that I can smell the stench of its breath. And I quit drugs for good. It wasn’t the rehab that helped me, I helped myself start over and build a new life. I was so proud of myself that I saw no shame in being a recovering drug addict. I find it influential. But people don’t, they don’t want to hire me, they don’t to marry me their daughters, they don’t want their children around me because apparently I’m a bad influence. I was acceptable when people knew nothing about my addiction but now that I outspoken, they want nothing to do with me...”
Exhibit C:
Walking by a well-known children’s park in Nasr City, she was startled by a loud winded breath-like sound. Turning around in search of the source, she saw a man “getting off” at the dark corner of the fence. As she increased her pace thinking what a pervert this man must be, she felt his strong grip over her left arm and suffocating hand clasping her mouth. Her heart pounded as he dragged her to his leisure spot. She prayed hard for it all must be a nightmare. But the stronger she fought, the firmer he sealed her mouth. His rotten smell, thick hairy skin, curious hands creeping up her body were too much for her to bear… She blanked out.
Awakened by the deafening horns of a truck, she had only one thought in mind, how will she get in her home looking like this without sparking questions? She searched her purse for cash and headed to the nearest clothes store, asked the sales girl to help her for she had an accident and can’t walk the streets looking like this. Tossing her filthy old clothes away, she had to decide. Should she keep this to herself, fake her virginity and not tell a soul? Or should she speak up and share the heavy burden with her family? After weeks of torment, she decided to tell, after all she didn’t do anything wrong. Today she’s imprisoned in her own room, detained from life, love, work, friends and ironically family…
When judgments prevail it becomes almost impossible for the eyes to see different angles and for the minds to embrace an alternative truth. When we make mistakes we hope they go unnoticed, so we can easily pass for people living within the norms of acceptance. When we question fate and destiny, trying really hard to extract the rare good from the bad, we find our stronger side. When we decide to face people with our truth, it’s always rejection in the face. If God intended for us, and those who’ve had/ are still having a challenged life, to walk a certain path, for some reason we can’t fully understand within the moment of crisis, then we’ll walk it no matter how smart, careful and faithful we are. The truth is our past is exactly like our future; can’t be changed nor controlled. It’s either we accept those around us the way they are or let them be. Because if even God won’t change the past, who are we to challenge, judge and punish?!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Call me happy- go- lucky

See… I changed my font; I’m not using Times New Roman anymore; I don’t even want to use it… … I’m lying; I’m dying to change my Trebuchet back to Times New Roman; I’m struggling not to think about it; I’m keeping my fingers busy from changing the font just as I’m restraining myself from calling you…
I swear I’m not trying to annoy you; I just want to show you I care… I want to love you right and give you the attention you need. I want our dates to be perfect and my gifts to be thoughtful…
I didn’t mean to bore you down with all my questions; I want to know you perfectly. I want to learn you inside out; I want to know what makes you happy and what makes you tick. I want to learn your maze and be able to go in and out smoothly. I want to spare you the tiresome of hinting. I want to do everything you want me to do without even asking.

Before you came along I had no real friends. Before you came along I felt like I’ve been used and taken for granted, everyone knows I’ll plan the perfect event, buy just the perfect gift and prepare the perfect guest list. When they ask me to do such a thing, they think that it’s more like a compliment to me, that I’ll think of it as an expression for their unconditional trust in my decisions or maybe I’ll get fooled when they call me the superstar. It’s more of an insult actually because my so-called friends know that I’ll perfect any task they hand me, they know I can’t help but to do that, so they leave me all alone, to work, to plan and to buy while they go on with their fun-filled lives, leaving all the heavy lifting to me. But I can’t help it…

At work, no one questions my decisions, no one double check my work. I’m supposed to feel flattered and motivated. But I feel neglected…
When I’m at home, I spend my time cleaning and organizing. I go by my day tidying and managing. I live my life wondering what will go wrong if I stopped perfecting every damn single think but I can’t help it…

I hear people laughing at me; I know what they think of me. It’s complicated how they admire my attitude yet abhor it. But I’m no longer impressed nor grateful… I’m bored…
I’m tired of living in a suit I’m constantly worried to wrinkle. I’m tired of being used. I’m tired of losing man I’ve ever loved because I care so much, but I can’t help it…

I can’t help it because I fear failure and hate disappointment…
I can’t help it because I don’t like being judged…
I can’t help it because I don’t want to be rejected, if that’s what people like in me so be it, I’m a perfectionist…
I can’t help it because I loathe mistakes and the silly people who make them…
I can’t help it because I fear the unknown…
I can’t help it because I want to play the idol role…
I can’t help it because I crave acceptance…
I can’t help it because I seek praise…
I can’t help it because I aim security and certainty…
I can’t help it because I love success and uniqueness…

There… I’m exposed… Yet, I don’t want perfectionist to be my thing, especially after you told me you’ll leave. Usually, in a much similar circumstance, I’d switch on my stubborn mode and be the most perfect perfectionist I’ll ever be… But I’m not after changing only for you. Like you, I’m not happy, I’m never satisfied and I’m constantly tired to please this and that and maintain an image I’m wishing to destroy…

I saw your face flushed with anger and pity. I saw you raise your hand in question why do I act that way. I feel you like the outgoing person you rarely saw in me. I feel you want to destroy my conservativity and the schedule book I never fail to leave. I feel you want me to laugh at silly jokes, take a break every once in a while and enjoy life, and so am I…

I’m 22 years old, yet I’m living the life of an 80 years old. I want to live spontaneously and act my age. I want to throw my worries behind and live if just for a while outside the perfectionism curse… I truly want that and I’ll act on it…

See… I told you I can be informal, I told you I can speak my mind without editing my thoughts, I told you I have that alter gene… I told you I can be happy-go-lucky.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Hooked on Firsts!

(Published in Magnificent Magazine - Mirror issue 2010)

Back in the days when lollipops meant more to me than jewelry, I believed that men who couldn’t find it in them to commit were either constantly falling for the crazy ones or flat out womanizers. I believed that the success of any relationship fell on the woman’s shoulders only. I believed that whenever a woman is dumped or divorced it’s the result of her own stupidity and flawed nature. I believed that women must marry before the age of 25 and men wed whenever they felt like it. I believed that cheating is only allowed for men. I believed that only men can marry more than once. But I also believed that eating white marshmallows on New Year’s Eve brings luck and happiness!

Time passed by crushing all my naïve theories- including that of white marshmallows- under its big feet and I saw relationships as a world on its own with its young, youths and elders. I saw hearts being crushed for no fault of their owners. I saw couples separate because they don’t want to be together anymore. I saw one-sided love. I saw women cheat, marry by the age of 35, get a divorce and re-marry. I saw men confused, defeated and weak. I saw people get married behind their parents’ backs, despite their approvals and defy traditions. I saw men who cannot commit to one woman and they’re neither womanizers nor suffering bad luck. I saw men, who despite the fact that they’re seeking a stable relationship, give up quickly and move on in search of another and I had to pause…

I thought good for women, for their growing ability to say no, to change their present, to make mistakes, choose and aim for a more convenient future; but the men?! The men who, all over the world, are stereotyped as cheaters, pigs that are only looking to satisfy their desires and partners who wouldn’t wait around for intimacy to happen.
Why would a man, aiming commitment and has no jitters whatsoever, lose the ability to commit? Why would he, if not a player, rush from one relationship to another? What makes a man leave behind a woman he really likes if he senses potential for success?

Because he’s hooked on firsts!

The story usually goes like this; a nice man meets a nice lady, sparks fly all over the place, hormones start pumping through their veins. The man meets his testosterone craze while the woman faces her estrogen, creating the ultimate physical pull. Then attraction on every other level happens because of a game our brains master through love chemicals. Dopamine, “the pleasure chemical”, is released causing the euphoric rush and endless craving towards the significant other. Followed by Norepinephrine, which has the adrenaline-like effect, creating the racy heart beats and excitement lovers get when hearing their partners’ names. Together, Dopamine and Norepinephrine, produce what relationships-terms refer to as firsts, starting with sleeplessness all the way to loss of appetite. Add obsession, because of the decreased Serotonin levels, and the lover becomes the one and only thing in mind.

So love happens because of a chemical cocktail the brain releases when the timing and conditions couldn’t be more perfect. Accordingly, there are those who may get hooked on the love chemicals. They’re referred to as love junkies, love addicts, high on love or even firsts addicts. They crave that rush, elation and obsession love chemicals produce at the early beginnings of relationships and as their bodies build up tolerance to those chemicals, they start to crave more and more of the mysterious love potion. That’s why they usually go from one relationship to the next in search of a love fix. And giving the fact that men are more visual than women, they happen to get hooked on firsts faster and more frequently than women. That doesn’t mean that it never happens for women, it does, but since almost all women cherish the effort and time they invest in relationships and the fact that most women are very emotional, it’s highly unlikely for them to call it quits out of steadiness.

That being said, the hooked- on- firsts- people end a relationship because, for them, it’s not exciting anymore, it no longer delivers that rush they desire and it’s going in the direction of utter boredom. Therefore, you can find a man who couldn’t be more thrilled about his new partner and rush-filled relationship, but then when the firsts are over and the commitment phase starts to blossom, he loses interest along with his fix, thus thinking this relationship and this partner is not for him and moves on to the next. And you can find a man who after a long pursuit to be with an extraordinary woman, the moment he gains her approval is the one when the captivating lights shut off and he finds himself stuck with nothing but an ordinary woman in a boring relationship that needs to end.

A lot of people debate over the notion of whether love is addictive or not. Science settled the case with the fact that for some people, mostly men, love do get to their heads and become their grand quest. And since the case of love junkies isn’t yet out in the open, once you sense that you or your partner are hooked on firsts, you need to know that having a long-term relationship won’t be a walk in the park. For you have to keep the flame alive, that adrenaline rush present, the hormones elevated and the chase endless. Even if you need to separate for a while, travel some place new or pick up a new hobby. As long as you’re honest about it, love will always be that thrill you desire.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Women are victims by choice

(Published in Euphoria Magazine, February 2010 issue)
I’m sick and tired of watching women degrade themselves in every way just to be with a man. I’m fed up with the helpless creatures they’ve become in the name of love and I despise the vulnerable position they always manage to get themselves into. I don’t want to hear them curse their bad luck anymore. I don’t want them blaming other people, including men, for how they ended up to be and play the victim’s role. After all everything goes according to a woman’s choice, she chose a man to be her partner, she chose to give in to obligations and pressure, she chose to mute her voice, she chose to think irrationally, she chose to live dragged behind every male figure in her life, she chose to come in last and then she comes crying in agony. Whether you agree with me or not, there are facts which can’t be denied, there are women who out of desperation, lack of self-confidence, fear, ignorance or misunderstanding contributed to the making of their own misery. My mission is to open your eyes, to help you clearly see the mistakes you’ve been making and the wrong decisions you’ve been taking under the umbrella of love and pleasing a man…
1.Leaving your passion behind
Your career, hobbies and interests add to your happiness, self-satisfaction and sense of accomplishment. When you give that upon a man’s wrestles threats then know you’re dealing with an immature, selfish kid who wants a marionette to control. And when you give him that right, you’ve handed him the key to your prison.
2. Turning into a zombieI’ve seen it happen tens of times before, where an insecure, jealous and possessive man chooses who his woman should/ should not be friends with or if she should have friends at all. Should she contact her family or live in isolation? This is just the beginning to erasing your existence; soon you’ll be living according to his norms, thoughts and desires.
3. Doubting yourself
You can’t tell if a certain outfit makes you thin or fat, a decision is wrong or right, what you hate and what you like; what you should accept and which you should reject unless he defines them for you. It’s either you were that insecure from the start or allowed him to shake you up this hard. Find your own values, beliefs and perspectives, instead of waiting around for a man to dictate you your own identity.
4. Believing in double standards
If you believe that it’s ok for him to socialize with other women, spend most of his time with friends, have his own space, ditch you, cheat and lie but it’s not ok for you because he’s a man, then you’re living in double standard. You have the right to be respected, appreciated, listened to and supported. Being a woman doesn’t deprive you from that, and he being a man doesn’t grant him justification.
5. Being afraid of losing him all the timeBeing afraid to argue his decisions, say no, go out with friends, speak your mind, work or even breathe so he’s won’t jump up and leave, this is fear at its worst cases. And sometimes the man is not even responsible, it’s out of your fragility, insecurity and underestimation of the strength of your relationship that the mere thought of him being upset, terrifies you to the very core.
6. Accepting abuse
Why would you allow a man to beat you? Talk down to you? Humiliate you? Break your happiness? Use your emotions and treat you like a stinky animal? Why would you stand around witnessing your soul degradation doing nothing? This is not a relationship, this is slavery and you’re not a victim, you’re plain out weak.
7. Sacrificing your body to keep himGiving him sex will not keep him and giving him the right to roam your body will not keep him… If you offer your body in return of love, you’ll receive nothing but temporary sympathy. If you believe sex keeps a man or force him into marriage, go through history and you’ll find endless line of women called mistresses, prostitutes and sluts. Know that the right guy won’t blackmail you for sex or else he’ll leave, the right guy will never force you into something you’re not ready to do.
8. Rushing into relationships
Who said you should be married by 20? Who said you should settle for less? Who said being in a relationship is the only way to social acceptance? Who said you should feel incomplete without a man? Who said you don’t have the right to build a career? Who said you must accept the first suitor in case no one better comes next? Would you be happy with a divorce? Would you enjoy the sight of your children living in misery because of a wrong choice you made? Even if the whole world is pushing you to settle for anyone, you’ll be all alone when your world comes crashing down.
9. Pretending to be someone else to please him
As much as I’d love to stay proud of the fearless independent generation we’re growing up to be, yet still there’re those who’re still hiding under the “good Egyptian girl” norms. Afraid to speak their different views and opinions, burying their dreams and hopes and switching their independence for a catering service providing the needs and perspectives Egyptian men would want in good Egyptian girls to wed.
10. Living in hope of a better him that will not come
Change will never happen to a person unless he craves it. Period
Even when you give him strength, support and threats, he won’t do it. And there’s no such thing as marriage will change him. Open your eyes to his flaws; shatter that blinding love mirror before you end up in wretchedness.
11. Living just for himIt’s true that men love to feel like kings, they like to think that nothing in their women’s lives is as important as them. Still, they hate nagging women, who keep their eyes fixated only on them, who act like stalkers. Please don’t push yourself to end up with a nervous breakdown when he leaves, your man is a part of your life, don’t allow him to be your whole life.
12. Feeling ashamed of previous relationshipsBeing in love before is not a crime you should be punished for. Calling it quits on a doomed relationship reflects bravery and self-honesty. Don’t let a man punish you for a right he gave himself. You’re not a sinner and you certainly shouldn’t be treated like one.
13. Blaming yourself for everything that went wrong in your relationshipsI can’t comprehend self-pity and I can’t tolerate weakness. It takes two to start a relationship and the same two to end it. Taking responsibility for your share of mishaps is crucial, learning from the mistakes is mandatory but feeling flawed for failing a relationship is dim.
14. Forcing yourself where you’re unwantedIt happens a lot where a woman keep chasing after a man who’s rejecting her, refusing to believe that he’s not interested and excusing his discouraging behavior as being shy to ask her out. Why would you humiliate yourself that way? Why won’t you pick up on his polite hints? And why would you force yourself where you’re clearly unwanted?!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Are you insecure or that desperate?

(Published in He Said She Said Magazine, February 2010 issue)

I’ve done it before; I allowed my insecurities to take control over my life. I played it too safe, too careful as not to cross any line. I followed the herd to avoid being the outsider. I was too afraid to be alone, to be rejected and run down. I was underestimated by me. I was taken for granted by me. And I allowed others to do me the same honor. I faked and pretended. I silenced my fears only to discover that actions do speak louder than words and that like everyone else I, too, was insecure…

What is insecurity?Insecurity is the lack of trust in oneself and in people in general. Period

Why insecurity happens?
1. Fear:
a. Fear of commitment:
You’re afraid to be caged with the same person for the rest of your life, afraid to lose your freedom, to lose interest and passion to live. You think of commitment as a legitimate form of slavery, the only difference is that you- willingly- allow someone to control your dreams and soul.
b. Fear of intimacy:
While you may find nothing scary about commitment, about being with the same person for God knows how long, yet it’s the idea of opening up to someone that’s scary. You find it hard and threatening to share intimate details about your life, communicate your feelings and allow someone to know you inside out.
c. Fear of rejection:
“Our human nature makes us strive to show our best qualities because we’re always searching for love and approval”- Paolo Coelho
So you keep on faking, adopting views that aren’t your own, living the lifestyle you despise and all for the sake of approval. You’re afraid to show your true self because you’re not sure it fits the social code.
d. Fear of losing identity:
If ever anyone came close to changing you, you throw tantrums. If you ever got influenced, you get irritated. You’re living inside a protective bubble, trying to preserve your goals and personality. You become aggressive in defense of not being someone’s follower.
2. Low self-esteem:
When you’re not satisfied with the way you look, act and talk, it’s very much expected to feel that the whole world is ready to pick on you. When you have a weight problem that’s causing you to feel so little and incompetent, you get intimidated easily and prefer to avoid people. When you feel you’re not good enough, smart enough, interesting enough, you get this strong vibe that people will look down at you and that’s making you deeply insecure.
3. Doubt:
You’re living in the endless doubt that everyone is cheating on you, laughing behind your back, sharing your secrets and ready to jump up and leave you any minute.
4. Instability:
Whether you brought this on yourself or have been forced to go through instability, the end result is the same. You worry that money could run out or may never come, that you’ll lose your job again and live in debt or that you’re not getting enough security in your relationship because your partner is always full of threats and the chances are you may once more be left alone.
5. Past experiences:
You may have gone through stuff before that’s causing your insecurities. You may have lived through them with flawed parents. And you may have witnessed the hardships your friends had to go through. Wherever you’ve acquired your past experiences that are causing you to feel insecure, they sure have affected you intensely.

Are you insecure?
- Do you interpret your partner’s actions and words in a negative way as if they want nothing more but to hurt and insult you?
- When things go wrong in your relationships or work, do you tend to look for someone else blame?
- Are you constantly worried that your partner is lying to you or even cheating?
- Do you snoop around trying to prove that he/she’s cheating?
- Are you tormented with jealousy?
- Are you to trying to control your partner?
- Do you stick to your partner like a baby to his mother?
- Are you afraid that he/she will leave?
- Do you live in a constant state of paranoia and doubt that you have to interrogate everyone to make sure they’re telling you the truth?
- Are you always in need for someone to help you make decisions or better yet make them for you?
- Do you get sensitive towards certain topics like your weight, love life and career?
- Do you underestimate yourself and your capabilities that you always settle for less?
- Do you need attention to feel good about yourself?
- Do you need to be with someone to feel complete?
- Do you personalize everything?
If you answer yes to most of these questions, then you are insecure. You need to mark the questions you’ve agreed with, categorize what is it that you feel insecure about and go back to why insecurity happens to find your blind spot.

Fix?1. If your insecurities have to do with the way your partner treats you then for the love of God share them before they turn into a problem, strangle your relationship and leave you living with unresolved issues.
2. If your insecurities are a result of the way you see yourself in the mirror, try to work on that with yourself first. Look around you and you’ll see far worse people, be satisfied with yourself first and aim for improvement.
3. Tip 1: Work on boosting your self-esteem by doing volunteer work, helping people and surrounding yourself with positive inspiring people.
4. Tip 2: Work on your communication skills; learn how to communicate your feelings so as to be able to speak up when something is bothering you or not working for you anymore.
5. If you’re between relationships and know that your insecurities are because of you, take time to work on them first, to really focus on setting your self-image straight before embarking on another relationship.
6. Even if you talk your insecurities with others, seek out help to forever delete them, remember that insecurities come from within. Whether you’ve acquired them or created them, no one can fix them for you, they have to be fixed inside out.

Monday, March 1, 2010

أنا مش بطة بلدى

مجلة إحنا - فبراير 2010
صورة البطة فى خيالى طول عمرها زى الست المتستتة فى بيت عدلها... بتصحى من النوم تفكر تفطر العيال والراجل إيه٬ وبعد لما ينزلو تفكر هتطبخلهم إيه على الغدا ولما يكلو تفكر بأة هتعشيهم إيه. وكأن الدنيا مفهاش غير أكل وكأن عيالها وجوزها دول مش هيعرفو إنها بتحبهم غير بالأكل وكأن كل دورها إنها تطبخ وتخلف. وطبعا هى مش ناسية نفسها٬ بتاكل... بتاكل كتير قوى... بتاكل زيادة عن اللزوم لحد ما بقت فعلا عملة زى البطة. الطائر الغبى اللى أنا بكرهه. مبفهمش هو عامل كدة ليه؟ يعنى ربنا كارمه ومديله ريش وجناحات عشان يطير ونادرا ما بيطير... مكسل. وسايب كل من هب ودب يمسكه من زوره وبزغطه اللى هو عوزه٬ مستسلم للظروف على طول الخط. ملهوش طموح للطيران والحرية والإستكشاف... طائر كئيب وبروطة كمان٬ عايش عشان غيره يستفيد من لحمه وبيضه وريشه وكيانه ٬ بالزمة ده بقى عايش ليه؟ ولما تبقى صورة " المدام" محفورة عندى - وعند بنات كتيرغيرى- على إنها الست القصيرة التخينة المقززة اللى معندهاش شخصية ولا رأى٬ اللى جوزها الغلبان مش طايقها وبيتمنى اليوم اللى يخلص فيه من الرغيف البايت اللى عايش معاه على رأى إحسان عبد القدوس٬ يبقى فيه مشكلة ومشكلة كبيرة كمان
من حوالى ست سنين كده وأنا فى أولى جامعة إبتدا يتكرر عندى كابوس معين٬ بيجيلى لغاية دلوقتى. الكابوس ده بشوفه كل ما أكسل أشتغل أو أفرح زيادة باللى ربنا أنعم عليا بيه. بشوف إنى بصحى يوم عيد ميلادى الأربعين الصبح ألاقى بيت وعيال وزوج بيقولو إن هما بتوعى أنا...أنا؟ يعنى البيت المكركب ده بتاعى أنا وقرطة العيال دول أنا اللى مخلفاهم والراجل اللى قاعد بالفنلة ده قال إيه جوزى أنا؟؟... أبص فى المرايا ألقانى مش عارفنى... وحدة مبهدلة وعجوزة... أسأل عن ورقى وكتابتى يقولولى مفيش٬ الراديو والإذاعة بطلتيهم من زمان... التدريس؟ بح... طيب أنا بعمل إيه؟ ولا حاجة٬ بطة بلدى... لا عندى هوايات ولا نشاطات ولا إجتماعيات ولا إهتمامات ولا طموحات ولا أى حاجة. زوجة وأم من النوع اللى مترضوهوش لحبايبكم... كسولة مستسلمة ومملة. وطبعا الفزع والخوف اللى بفوق عليهم مش محتاجين وصف. وكان من الطبيعى والمتوقع إن كابوس الأربعين يزيد كل لما ميعاد فرحى يقرب٬ لدرجة خلت الراجل (اللى هو جوزى حاليا) يخرج عن شعوره ويقولى "إنتى محسسانى إنك داخلة تايوت وإن الحياة هتقف بعد كدة!" فعلا أنا كنت حسة إن مفيش حياة لية بعد الجواز وإنى لازم أعمل كل حاجة قبل اليوم ده٬ لازم ألحقق أنجح لحسن ميتكنش فيه وقت للنجاح بعدين... لازم ألحقق أشتغل لحسن أكسل وحياة الأنتخة تاخدنى لأحضان الكنبة وعالم التسوق عبر شاشة التليفزبون. أنا مكنتش خايفة منه لأنى أنا اللى إخترته وحبيته وحسة معاه بالأمان والراحة. ولا خايفة من توقيت الجواز لأننا إخترناه مع بعض بعد ما أتخرج وأشتغل وأخد الدبلومة اللى عوزاها من الجامعة الأمريكية...وحصل بس أنا خايفة من نفسى٬ من كسلى٬ من قلة تركيزى على طموحاتى. خايفة على أحلامى وكياتى لينحصر فى كونى زوجة وأم "تعبانة" عيشة فى وهم هى الوحيدة اللى مصدقاه. يمكن عشان كده عندى فوبيا من أى حاجة ممكن تعطلنى عن شغلى٬ عشان مش عوزة أعيش عيشة أنا مش حباها بسبب إن مفيش حل غيرها. مش عوزة ألعب دور الست المقهورة الغلبانة المستهلكة. مش عوزة أطلع عيال معقدة ولا ضايعة عشان أنا نفسى ضايعة.
ولو فكرين إن أنا بس اللى كدة تبقو غلطانين. إحنا جيل كامل من البنات طلعين عندنا فوبيا البطة البلدى٬ وهى اللى خلقت الطموح والأحلام خارج حدود البيوت سواء بيت الأب ولا حتى الزوجية. فوبيا البطة البلدى خلت الجواز والخلفة فى حد ذاتهم مبقوش إنجاز لكن نجاح الجواز وتربية أولاد صالحين هو ده المهم. جيل بنات طموحة عندها وعى لأهمية الشغل٬ ولو حتى تطوعى والثقافة وملئ الفراغ وضرورية وجود كيان خاص بعيد عن الأم والأب والزوج وتقاليد المجتمع. عرفين يعنى إيه خرس زوجى وفتور علاقة وملل الزوجة وهى قعدة مبتعملش حاجة الصبح. عرفين يعنى إيه قهر وإستغلال وغدر زمان ويمكن راجل. عرفين يعنى إيه طلاق وعواقبه. يعنى إيه خيانة وسوء إختيار وتسرع. رفضين رفض تام صورة المرأة المغلوبة على أمرها... سمعو وشافو وبعضهم عاش المشاكل ده كتير وفى الاخر طلعو كارهين البطة البلدى زيى تمام.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

How to tell her you've cheated?

(Published in Magnificent Magazine, December/January 2010 issue)

Ever since horror stories have been told about men confessing cheating to their women and then mysteriously vanishing from the face of earth, men have been sneering over the same question; should I tell her or should I not? Even if your cheating was on the minor side, may it be a slip of the heart or technology hype, you're still faced with the two options you've been intentionally avoiding.
While not telling her may seem like the sanest and safest thing to do, it's also preferred religiously! Exactly like adultery, where you come clean and remorseful to God, ask for His forgiveness and never go back. You deserve punishment when sufficient number of witnesses hand you over. Following the same manner, wrecking a happy home under the umbrella of "the wife deserves to know" is also frowned upon. Yet deciding to tell her remains your decision and her right as well. Assuming of course you are willing to bear the consequences...
So, how to prepare and tell?!
1. Ask yourself, why do I want to tell her?!
a. For the sake of honesty? Well, that's rational and given, but I'm talking about an affair that's happened and done where you don't want to be with another woman, but suffering from the fact that you've betrayed her trust and offered your love and emotions to someone else.
b. You've been served?! Usually it takes two to tango, and if your plan was to keep that quickie dance in hiding, it doesn't necessarily mean that your partner in crime has the same thought. So, you're doing the right thing by telling her yourself as it's always best for her, your safety and the tiny probability that your relationship may still go on if she hears it from you firsthand.
c. You want to dump her? While I believe this way to be the most childish and weakest thing a man can ever do, but yes, when a woman is humiliated that bad, she'll walk away, yet you'll remain the lowest creature ever lived.
d. You need a solid barrier to keep you away from cheating? There's nothing like pleading for your woman's forgiveness and her shaky trust to keep you from falling off the wagon. But please don't be selfish, if you know that you're all for polygamy, don't torture her by giving fake promises. The worst scar a man can leave a woman with is betraying her second chance.
2. Prepare yourself for all possible Consequences
Z.M sent me his problem with cheating saying: "I've been engaged to a girl I love deeply for four months. Exactly three weeks ago, one of my old girlfriends called me in order to help her with some problems she's been having and knowing my fiancée, I didn't bother to tell her about the whole thing. I admit I lied about where I was and whom I'm with, until my fiancée accidentally walked in the same café I was at with the other girl. I admit my feelings resurfaced for my ex especially that she really needed me, but I love my fiancée very much and I never planned on leaving her or cheating on her. Now she wouldn't talk to me or even discuss it with my cousin who's also her best friend. What should I do? "
I've already emailed Z. back with the answer but here's the part you need to know to forecast the outcome of your situation…
Setting your personal flaws aside, when a woman finds out her man has enjoyed an extra-relationship fling; her reaction usually depends on three things;
1. How she found out?
2. How much she loves you?
… And her personal vision regarding cheating, which is our main concern, and accordingly women can be categorized into three classes:
a. Women who believe all men are cheaters
So she awaits the moment you do and may seem like she's forgiven you on her holly being and decided to continue in the relationship but make no mistake you're on constant probation. She'll suspect your every move, word and even smell. For her, subconsciously, you'll constantly be a perfect suspect for betrayal. Now answer me this, will you be happy spending the rest of your life trying to prove your honesty every second of every day? Will you be able to live with someone who thinks you're unworthy of her love and trust, because she'll never make you forget it? Will she be able to handle living in doubt? In the numbing fear of you walking out on her?! Well, your answer will determine whether your relationship will survive the cheating or not…
b. Women who are new to cheating
Just like anyone would be in such speechless moments, this type of woman will be shocked, hurt and more confused. As she believe in good, decent men, it's quiet difficult to predict their reaction. Maybe she'll forgive and not forget and may be she'll forget but not forgive you for the pain you caused her. In all cases, you need to give her time to digest it all in, make up her mind and react. Only then you'll be able to see if you can move on or let it die…
c. Women who can forgive and forget
Every person alive has his own definition for cheating, we have different points at which we draw a line and pause to write the "C" word. Women have that too; believe it or not, there're many women who doesn't consider flirting, casual talking or even the occasional eyeing as cheating. They may forgive and forget because you've confessed cheating the right way, with the right reasons that they empathize with you and at the perfect time.
3. Start telling
So you've talked it through with yourself, made up your mind about the reason why you want to spill the beans and kind of forseen the outcome when it comes your woman's acceptance, now is the time for you to evolve to a much moral being and tell it all…
a. Perfect your timing: Not only to choose the time when she's calm and at a better receptive mode. You need to confess your sin ASAP, because the more time that passes, the less you seem sincere and tormented with guilt in her eyes.
b. Flatter her: Tell her how kind and forgiving she is. Tell her how much her love means to you. Mention all the good things you've done and accomplished together. It's true she may not remember your gestures after you confess but when deciding what to do with you, the entire conversation will hit her back and it'll sooth things out.
c. Start telling! You must start by explaining the situation first, not the reasons why you did it, but rather how you slipped. A momentary lapse, a lack of judgment or else. But never blame her for it, because then she'll switch to defensive mode and start attacking back. Then tell it as it is, no graphic details involved nor heart beats melodies unless of course she asks you to, but even then, try to make it less intense.
d. Give her time to digest the news, cool off and make up her mind.
e. But at that time, don't disappear and don't be too near. Send her flowers, sweet messages, a letter or something to show that you care and want to be with her, only her, as some women need to feel the appreciation and most of them likes to torture their men before settling back.
f. And finally, you have to respect her decision and live with it.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Truths men will never admit to

(Published in Euphoria Magazine, January 2010 issue)

Treat people the way you want to be treated is a falsy statement. Especially when those people are of different gender, opposite gender, that agree on being different and depart on being the same. The thing is with men it is not only exclusive on ambiguity, but with the fact that they crave mysteriousness, they seek being the player no single woman will ever own. Whether they are in fact that mercury-painted creature or wannabe's, they all are addicted to the rush of it. Do men want commitment? Do they have blood in their veins? Are they capable of feeling? Why are men the way they are? Why are they rude? Insensitive? Polygamists? Why do they have all sort of excuses for sex? Angry sex, make-up sex, I'm bored sex, etc... Why does sex seem to be the only thing on their minds?
You see, women get puzzled easily, that's just the way they are, so they assume men are like them and want to be treated the same way and men hate the talking, that's also the way they are. But one way or another, men's truths got unwrapped, even if they'll never admit to...
1. Men are not multi-functional
Try talking to a man while working and list 2 things to get on the way home, he'll either not remember such conversation took place, confuse the tasks he has to do, and of course he won't ask you to repeat them again, or he'll get just one of them done.
Try chitchatting with a man while driving to reach an address, he'll miss the turn and accuse you of distracting him.
Try calling on a man once while playing video games, wait and wait and he'll never answer back.
At first those were nothing but observations women picked on and usually laughed about with girlfriends on sushi, but now they're classified as scientific facts about the male brain!
Men are not capable of multi-functioning, and they'll never admit that because women simply are. The male brain on the other hand is more specialized and organized in a way that enables men to focus on only one thing at a time. There are fewer connecting fibers between the left and the right hemispheres than there's in women and so they are named the critical- thinkers gender.
2. Men are not capable of facing tough situationsWhen a couple fight, it's very common to find the woman approaching the man for resolving the issue once and for all. And many women will relate to such story, and the fact that men prefer to go into hiding, disappear for a while and come up with a solution or decision on his own and not including his partner. Which of course is something women hate, they prefer talking things through and working it out together. This specific behavior confuses women because they perceive men as decisive, firm creatures who, according to women, shouldn't take much time deciding and in no way should they escape facing situations. But the truth is, men are wired to be discreet, unlike women they're more of the private gender. When men space out, they're not acting spacious, they're thinking, silently talking to themselves and planning. Try asking any man when being quite, what are you thinking of? And he'll simply answer. However, try to ask him why are you being so quite? And he'll either say no reason or I'm thinking.
3. Men are as emotional as women.Exactly a year ago, I was researching for an article about things that bring guys to tears. I was so curious to get inside their world and find if they're actually capable of tearing up to things other than the death of a dear person. And to my surprise, they happen to be as emotional as women. Dramatic movie-endings chock them up, Dealing with a challenged child break their hearts and when a cherished relationship ends, they cry! While that holds a comforting angle women can relate to, still men hide that passionate interior with more of a cold statue exterior. They manage to keep a straight face during all times, some may consider this pure intelligence, while in fact it's out of fear. Men are afraid to seem weak, defeated and heart broken. They are brought up, not only in our eastern societies, to be strong, fearless and to some extend cold hearted.
It has even been scientifically proven that men use only three out of five voice tones, the serious tone, the laughing tone and the sleepy tone only.
So, it's hard to tell what they're actually feeling, not because men are not capable of feeling, but because they can hide it very well.
4. Men are not so good with words.It's uncommon to find a man who love talking for the fun and sharing nature of it. Yet, it's very much common for women to confuse or misinterpret men's words. Because like my husband always says, women assume that men's words have hidden meanings, while men don't imply, they don't think of metaphorical words to use, men are direct, when I tell you I want to change the channel, it's not because I want to annoy you or grasp your attention, it's simply that I want to watch something else. And it's true, men are direct when it comes to their demands. Listen carefully to a man speaking and all you'll be hearing are short, constructed sentences with a simple opening, clear message and a conclusion. So, using their own method of talking, a woman can easily get through to any man by:
a. Asking directly if the time is right to talk. If it's not, then schedule another time. Men love specifics.
b. Telling him why you want to talk. Many women are frustrated with men who try to solve everything when women are only seeking them out to listen and share.
c. Sticking to the point. Use concise, unprovoking words.
d. Asking him direct questions. Don't use CAN or COULD because that way, you're only checking his ability to do something and of course he can. Instead use WILL or WOULD.
e. Never, ever, start a conversation with anyone, especially men, with YOU. Because that simply places everyone in the defensive mode and thus they start defending themselves rather than having a conversation.
f. Men are hearing specific, so when you use words like always, never, every time and only, men focus on that and start correcting the terms rather than addressing the issue itself.
5. Men easily confuse lust for love.Since eve's primal attempts to decode men, it's been quite obvious that men love sex, they seek sex, evaluate women's beauty according to their sex appeal and can only express love by sex. While men are also stereotyped as commitment phobes, they so weirdly base the success or failure of a certain relationship on how much they're physically attracted to a woman. Accordingly, they confuse lust for love and emotional attraction. That's why it's men take more time to decide whether to commit or not, because they fear that their decision might not be based on true emotions rather a temporary rush of testosterone.
6. Men are polygamists by concept.
The way men view sex is completely different from a woman's point of view. To them sex is not that sacred, it's an instinct, a desire, a flame within that needs to be put out once in a while. It has nothing to do with love. They don't have to love a woman, agree with her ideas or even like her to sleep with her, they just have to be physically attracted to her. For women, sex is sacred, it's a big deal, a woman can never make love to a man she's not emotionally connected to, unless it's her job or she'd forced to do so. May be that explains a lot on why women can't easily forgive men for cheating, it's not only the physical part that's hurting them, it's the fact that her own man has been attracted emotionally to another woman. While men go crazy over the fact that women can't understand that it was just sex. Because for women, it's never just sex.