How to brush off the ex effect?! (He Said She Said July'09)

The ordeal of wanting it all...

After a lousy breakup or an unexpected change of heart, the ex becomes nothing more of a memory; a well preserved memory. The preciousness of which have absolutely everything to do with where we are now. Single, committed, happily committed, can't wait till it's over committed or overshadowed by the past. However, everyone reacts differently to the sound of their ex's name and they have every right to feel that way based on how and why things ended. Some get that instant adrenaline rush of a 15 year old talking to his long time crush for the very first time; others have smoke coming out of their ears and flames rushing through their lips. But the luckiest of all are those who quietly remember the good and the bad with a gracious yet mysterious smile strong enough to keep their mouths and their hearts right where they should be. Yet, of course, those are the lucky sane ones who master the art of self-control. As for the other two, we are in serious need of pinning and a clear head to think straight with. But before struggling to get that to happen, here are the three common situations during which an ex can leave a permanent, how can I put this politely?!... A finger print!

1. Shaky grounds
My mum always says if it wasn't for the little holes, we wouldn't have appreciated smooth floors. But I always wondered how on earth would I even envision a smooth floor when I'm stuck in a filthy, smelly, dark hole?! How would I stand strong when my relationship is sinking and I have to graciously salute an old flame?! Wouldn't I secretly wish to be with the fun, can't seem to remember why I left him right now, guy rather than Mr. Reality?! Morals say no, one should never wish that, one should never think of that, instead one has to suck it up and go work on their shaky relationship. How?
a. Like a moth to a flame, one should seek protection in their partners' presence, bathe in their goodness and oversee their repelling side.
b. On the other hand, when running into the ex always try to make it as brief and as gracious as possible.
c. Most theories imply that part of the butterfly effect has to do with your level of self-satisfaction back then and where you are now. So, if you're longing for the past, you might be the reason why. Maybe you were more fit back then, less tempered, more energetic or fun.
d. And as I always suggest, the most effective way to get rid of any unwanted feeling is to remember why you left in the first place, remember all the bad times till you get that disgust in your gut!

2. Single & dying to mingle
The awesomeness of single-hood ends the moment you're reminded of a relationship you were once happy in. So, to lay it out gently, if you're single and ran into your ex, the feelings are resurfacing, you feel that you never really got over him. Your soul is battling whether or not you should give this another go; especially that he's also as free as a bird. Then you should consider going back only if:
a. The reasons why you called it quits looks numbingly stupid , trivial and petty right now.
b. After having your share of bad dates, you believe that his good qualities outweigh his bad one.
c. You've grown up, became more responsible and reasonable, I might add, and that you can handle the downsides of being with him. Period

3. The Obnoxious tell off
Karma usually finds its funny ways to pay back any wisecracker without even noticing. So picture this, you're sipping your coffee peacefully one day when you notice your abhorrent ex coming your direction. Now don't get me wrong, he's not just any ex, he's the one who grabbed your heart and smeared your favorite wallpaper with it, he's the one who left you lifeless for so long that you almost gave up breathing, he's the one who robbed your ability to love and trust. And all you can think of at this very moment is how to react?! Should you yell? Scream? Bite his head off? Settle this once and for all jungle style? Walk away? Or simply hi back?!
a. If it's been 5 -10 years, let it go, take the highroad for karma has definitely done its part.
b. 2 -4 years, you have the right to give him the cold treatment. But don't go too far. We don't want him thinking you're still hung up on him.c. month -1 year. The world is your dance floor. Do it your way. But I would recommend either a silent treatment or a walk away. After all, the wound is still exposed, fresh and thirsty for treatment!

How to confront YOUR PARTNER with his FLAWS?! ( He Said She Said June'09)

One of the greatest things about this column is that my now called husband never reads it. This means I get to spill whatever I want about me, him or even us! And since we're talking confrontations, I've been there bad! I tried every trick in the book to lay him off gently, brutally, neutrally and sometimes happily. And so did he! So, to get to the bottom of this itchy subject, I have to take you along to where it all begins, to where every confrontation decision is born; the fight!

Generally speaking, when two people fall for each other as the honey-taste arises, disparities shine. And what causes fighting other than differences?! Nothing! Hence, each think in their own way, have different perspectives, judge, blame, lose sight at certain moments and there you go… Flaws all over the place!

Women when angry, disappointed or hurt can't help but blame! They, by which I mean we, have this weird capability to make anyone feel guilty. Thus during a fight, it's irrational to expect a woman to speak gently, caringly or worse… Sympathize. All we can do during this mind-numbing moment is blame and charge men for pushing us to reveal our ugly side!
Men, on the other hand, judge! It's doesn't sound any sweeter especially when arguing with women. As we need understanding, emotional support and love especially during fights. What men, unconsciously, do is go with the "I told you so" attitude, therefore judging women's temper, loud voice and the reason why they're so worked up over the subject. So you see that neither men nor women during that state of adrenaline rush can think straight, let alone navigate annoying flaws.

How to confront a woman?
First off, good luck! Secondly, Always keep in mind that women are sensitive, crying beings who love looking good. And I mean love looking perfect in every way especially in their men's eyes…
1. The worst thing about women is that they expect men to know the right things to say and do. Even I, writing this thus knowing it, expect nothing less from my man. So you have one choice other than taking your chances which is to try hard to show her that you won't leave, won't feel good unless she feels good again about herself. And then even if you slipped, stand up straight and try again and she'll forgive you because you've already told her you want her smiling.
2. Unlike men, women are ready to give their all just to see their men happy, even if the confrontation style was awful; she'll take the hint, but will never forget you spotted her flaw! So try to erase by constantly thanking her for taking your pointers into consideration
3. Another trick that never failed is to tell her that she working on her flaw would embark a huge difference on your relationship aka the most important thing in her life. And she'll be more than happy to do it.
4. Never threaten to leave her if she didn't obey your orders. Because she'll be the one to leave you, if not instantly, she'll obey you first then collect her stamina to kick you right off her life.

How to confront a man?
Telling a man that he has flaws and you've noticed instantly delivers an irrational message that you think less of him. And you know what that does to a man with an ego? Total destruction! So you have to be very careful.
1. The first thing you need to watch out is the tone and your initial catch phrase. If you begin your words with "You did" or " You said" or "You always do" or " Why do you always say" That would just toss your conversation attempt right out the window. As you have switched on his defensive mode and instead of talking things through, you'd hear him trying to convince you with reasons why he behaved that way. And we certainly don't want that!
2. Men have huge egos, no surprise here. So don't forget to praise them, glorify their presence in your life every once in a while during your talk.
3. When your words are still not getting through to him, use the fact that men are visual and draw him two very vivid images of how ecstatic your relationship would be when he quits his flaw and how annoying it would be if he persisted.
4. The love letter technique found in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Is actually effective, aside the fact where you have to read the love letters for each other which I think is so very cheesy. It truly helps you blow off some steam and talk in a more audible tone. You simply start with why you're angry, then sad, then afraid, then what do you regret not doing and finally why you love your man. That way you have love as the last thing on your mind and heart, so you come out all gentle and cute!

How to spot the right reasons for getting married?! (He Said She Said May '09)

The ordeal of overlooking blindness

Any writer would probably tell you that the hardest part of conducting an article resides in choosing the right first word. Fortunately for me, there’s no need to fret over words choices this time. Because the topic is that important and pretty much self-explanatory, how to know if you’re getting married for the right reasons and how to decide to get married for the right reasons?!
Since I’m getting married, probably while you’re reading this, I’m in no position to preach or give royal instructions. I’m right there in your shoes, I’ve had my doubts as well as he, and I went over all the possible reasons why I should take this very serious step. That’s why I promise to deliver rational reasons for getting married which have been tested on yours truly and the people I come across everyday…

Warning!
There are two scenarios when it comes marriage; either you fall in love voluntarily or you get acquainted the formal way. In both situations you must at least like the person, in other words, you’ve sensed the promising potentials for a healthy relationship. Apart from the reasons, there’s a horrific mistake, I’ve witnessed people making and I saw their marriages crumble to the ground; change! Regardless of the level of intimacy both of you share, when ingoing a relationship with high hopes to change whatever it is you hate about your partner, you’re always hit with the fact that PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE! It’s either you accept their dents or leave them be, don’t torture yourself with the impossible mission to change them and don’t torment them with your endless comments and directions.

Marriage scenario#1: The Love.
One month after I met him, he proposed! Honestly, I took it as a joke and forgot all about it. But he persisted. I was flattered. I fell for him more and gave in. Of course that was 5 years ago, I didn't know what I know now, neither did he. I didn't know that the firsts of every relationship are tricky. For we stand in the attraction phase, too occupied by the racing heartbeats, sleepless nights and the unstoppable euphoric sensation. This is where love is literally blind and unwilling to pickup on any warning vibes. And this also where no commitment promises should be made. I consider myself lucky, not smart, because I literally ran across the right guy without pausing to review my reasons. In the grown-up world, as attraction pull couples closer they get to talk, learn about each other, pass through the worst and the best of times, and if the attraction is still going strong, they move on to the next phase; commitment. But in the earliest heat of the moment, any decision taken is irrational as it all comes down to hormones, desires and chemistry.

Marriage scenario#2: The Set-up
Exactly 6 months before the wedding, i.e. 6 months ago, I realized that there're things I didn't know about my man of 5 years! And yes, I blame the damn attraction phase and the wedding preparations that had my head spinning. So, let's say you got introduced to someone nice and there were sparks. Two days later, you got introduced to another nice someone and there were sparks also. You like them both, you see the potential for success and you have to choose; then you need the pros and cons list to fairly decide. And to decide, you need the answers for the following questions:
- Why do you want to get married? (to have a family, to have sex, to find security, to be more socially acceptable, etc…)
- Would you rather have a housewife or a working woman?
- How successful do you want to be?
- When do you want to have kids?
- How many kids do you want to have?
- Regarding friends, do you mind having friends of the opposite sex?
- Do you believe in such thing as privacy in relationships?
- What are your interests and hobbies?
- Do you want me to share your interests and hobbies?
- How close are you to your family?
- How involved do you want our families to be?
- When angry, do you like to talk about it right away or hide in your cave?
- Are you looking for a traditional marriage?
- On the emotional level, are you verbal or action-oriented?
- What do you expect from your partner?

Those are just headlines to get your juices flowing, however by all means, never ask these questions as is, put them in context, especially when dealing with men. They hate interrogations. Just keep in mind that there are no wrong reasons when doing something as sacred as marriage. BUT, there are wrong people, wrong timing and wrong conditions.

LOBNA KHAIRY

How to fight off temptations?! (He Said She Said April '09)

The ordeal of dangled baits!

Time after time people have failed to define what’s so special about new things?! Is it the mystery, the fresh start, the anticipation or does it all come down to the matter of glittery boxes?! I for one have always believed that part of the enticement lays in the renewed chance for firsts and of course the sparkling swathe protecting it from predators eyes. Much like the affairs business, don’t you think? All complicated behind the scenes reasons aside, affairs have more to do with the carefully selected swathe! If you dare to disagree, allow me to remind you of my one dimensional theory which clearly states that when dealing with people while not living together, one tend to see only the charming, smiling, fun side. Thus, it’s only natural to fall for someone who you think never frown, doesn’t get angry as much and on top of all appreciate every little thing you do.

So to get this article started, you have to know that there are no guiding steps which you can follow and VOILA! The enticement spell is broken; in fact I find the tips spread around are much too theoretical to help.
That’s why ladies and gentlemen I give you the three facts everyone should know to avoid falling for the dangled baits trick, all of which have been extracted from humans before. Of course!
1. The cheating bone!
Although it’s a widely used, remarkably accurate figure of speech, well, it’s no longer just that! This has become an accredited fact that some people are born with a tendency to cheat or as the scientists committee politely puts it, are destined to have poor relationships. But of course it’s not literally a bone, it’s a gene actually titled the monogamy gene, allele 334. The more copies a person has of this monogamy gene, the more he’s up to cheat! I admit that it won’t be easy having a somehow normal relationship with such partner, for you constantly have to pick on the waves signaling that your relationship in going steady and thus you have to keep him/her interested and just too occupied to search for more.
2. Not getting it at home
No, I’m not talking about sex here because believe it or not sex, as in the mechanical action of lust, is not the trigger here. Women who believe that men go for prettier women or those who can satisfy their much flaming desires are not entirely right! By mentioning not getting it at home, I’m referring to the “I can’t win” complaint, meaning that he feels that whatever he’s trying to do to please you is not enough, that he’s not a man in your eyes and even that you’re not appreciating the little achievements he makes. Accordingly, he falls for the next woman who provides for the missing “you’re all man” factor. The same goes for women, who no longer get compliments, attention, care and a simple thank you once in a while. Thus end up falling for the same trap, the man with the sweet words…
3. The tell-tale signs
I came across those signs and figured that they’ll be an excellent addition to our “know it all selection”. Those are the tell-tale signs that your partner is cheating or is about to cheat, so beware!
a. Spends more time away from home: that’s the classic sign, but make sure first it’s not work or some necessary errands before you drive your partner out of this relationship yourself!
b. Having less intimacy: It’s like my mother always say, marriage is like a circle connected by many factors, once one slips out the circle can no longer be complete and the marriage is cracked!
c. Avoiding contact: One might interpret it as pure guilt; others may say it’s out of avoidance. I say it’s an alarming sign that your partner is slipping out of your life, learn what’s bothering him/her and quickly pull them in before someone else catch them in a weak moment and forever have them.
d. Nonstop criticizing: It really can’t get more obvious than this! Your partner is clearly not happy about something or things and is being verbal about them. Listen, pay extra attention, don’t accuse them of being difficult and stop turning a deaf ear.
Those signs as well as what I hope was important insights weren’t just to watch out for your partner or protect them from falling for the bait. Those were dedicated to you as well, if you have a cheating GENE in your body or not getting what you want from your relationship, first be honest with yourself about them, talk it through with your partner and create your own bait that you’d fall far each time…

5 Signs your guy is hooked on PORN

On another attempt to dive into the unseen side of guys, porn entered with the perfect entourage. Presenting a once in a lifetime chance to walk through such a thorny and private matter. Sex is crucial to men, hell it's like the number one definer of manhood. And not just in our culture, but it's wherever men go! A strong, hunky man must have at least one experience, girls dig that; they love dangerous skilled womanizers. Yet, how did they come about those skills is beyond a girl's mind. Or to be honest, it goes more like having a trail of women who were nothing compared to her self! Yes, women have huge egos to…

And that's where the problem resides, the limits of our imagination. Guys can lie, beautify disgusting acquaintances into a 007 steamy night and girls will believe that. Not because we're stupid, God knows we're not, but because we wish that this is how it happened. Not in a locked up room with downloaded x-rated movies! Porn, whether you like it or not, is a phase most guys pass by. It's enough to mention that 85% of porn web-browsers are men, which means your guy has only 15% chance for a legitimate alibi!

Why he does/like it is crucial to draw the fine line between just curiosity to "honey, I can't get enough!" First of all, most men don't regard "watching" porn as cheating, as they're not doing it with an actual person. In fact, porn to guys is nothing more than a stimulatory- relief tool. Unlike women, who upscale porn to the same level as having a mistress! Knowing this, porn is sometimes used by guys to grab their partners' attentions. So, if his porn-zone is out in the loose then he either doesn't care about your feelings anymore or he's trying to send you a clear message that he's craving some extra attention but he's certainly not plain dumb. However, guys might resort to porn out of boredom or as the easiest way to "breaking the habit". But, what might start out as nothing but a waste of time might very well turn into a life-wrecker, especially with those of addictive personalities. Where porn's transition hops from surfing the internet to an accustomed habit to an actual disastrous problem with no psychological addiction to watching nude people specifically but to the euphoric state "too much excitement" brings. And since you're the only one who can spot his reasons, then it's you who can detect the signs that your own guy is doing PORN…

1. All about his needs!
Ever since sex has been categorized as a manly right, guys' selfish reputations in bed have crossed all borders. Women were ranked based on their abilities to please him, pictured as a porn-like tool and enslaved for the very same reason. Generally speaking, it has been scientifically proven that sexual experiences based on only pleasing oneself, including porn, masturbation or paying for sex, yields selfish partners who only care about their needs and their satisfaction. So ladies, if your husbands' attentions have been shifted to themselves, let's just say you need to keep your eyes open!

2. Quality & Quantity
If your guy has resorted to porn, it's only logic to say that the sex frequency will be affected. And not necessarily less, as most guys view porn for excitement, not relief which means things may get steamier. The worst part though is that you're not the reason why he's overly worked. In fact, many women take the rise up as an indicator that their relationship is getting stronger, when the truth is that their men are just compensating for guilt feelings, also true when cheating, or simply getting off!

3. Privacy requested!
Isolation falls right into place when hooked up on porn. He no longer wants to go out, while encouraging you to "live your life". He's very secretive about his drawers, laptop and car. He lays off his friends to stay alone and of course switching off the screen when you walk in. So, don't brag about how your husband had changed to this open-minded creature. Your happiness is not his intention, it's whatever that can get you to stop breathing down his neck is what matter the most.

4. Sudden Swaps
Most men when having their minds set on the likes and dislikes of feminine features, it's pretty much hard to change. This means that if he swore all his life that he hates big boobs and now he seems to like them a bit too much, that's usually your queue for only 3 options:
a. He's seeing someone else with big boobs.
b. His favorite porn star is sporting humungous boobs
c. Your bell has stopped ringing for him, i.e. you don't turn him on anymore.

5. Laying off focus
Much like a thief who walks around accusing others of stealing, porn addicts do the same, mostly out of guilt. They want to feel better by pointing out everyone's flaws. And sometimes they want to pick your brains on the subject, see how you feel about this whole thing by telling their own story under someone else's name. Based on your reaction they'll either decide to tell you, go cold turkey or sink a little deeper in their porn-based lives…

Men you don't want to be! (Euphoria Magazine April '09)

The first rule every woman receives when about to enter the relationships' world is avoid the cheater, the liar and the cheap. The reason why those three traits stood solid through the test of time is not because of their frequency but because of their distinguishable luminosity visible only to women. Yes! Women can detect the liar, sense the cheater and feel the cheap. However, there are other markers or to be more specific snags surrounding men's personalities which immediately place them on the "men to be avoided" list. So, in order to escape being on that list you don't want to be:

1. The critic
I hate that! Every woman breathing or dead hates that too! Females are sensitive, that's just a curse men have to deal with and so cornering her every move, thought or even taste is suffocating and parentally! Generally speaking, criticizing is unidirectional, it goes from a superior person to someone he believes to be less superior. Thus if your criticism is moving past the it's for your own good phase then she'll react in either of three ways;
a. despise your voice since all you have to say are brutal judgments,
b. bottle up the bitterness inside until she' overly saturated or
c. respond in various aggressive ways that might seem irrelevant to your excessive criticism.
But regardless of the conducts, you'll end up with you getting dumped!

2. The Analyzer
Women of all ages crave men who can listen, understand, empathize and appreciate. But being a listener is one thing and being an analyzer is a completely different thing! Being understood inside out is sweet but being transparent is simply anti-human. Having a partner with whom a woman can unwind and speak her mind unguarded is one of the strongest reasons why she's in a relationship and probably the same reason why she's willing to leave Freud for a deaf man!

3. The rebounder
Saving a drowning man is pretty heroic and an excellent ego booster for women as well. She'll feel more feminine knowing that she has healed your broken heart and made you forgot all about the other woman.
Then why is this repulsing? The problem happens in the security context for it won't be long before she questions your relationship, is it a real thing or just a matter of time before you go hunting! It all depends on your punch line, if it's I just got out of a messy breakup then she'll gladly do the necessary amendments, restore your faith in women, have her moment of glory and leave. She knows it's a rebound relationship from the start, she's not stupid, she knows you're a rebounder and so you're meant to be cut off!

4. The wandering-eye man
Why is it a manly thing?! Whenever I asked a man, why do you check other women out? He casually replies "Because I'm a man!" I, on the other hand, trying my best to silence the demons yelling kill him, decided to search for the logic in his sentence. I even doubted my own information! To the extent that I spent hours researching for a fact to prove that men automatically cheat! Of course there was none, even the infamous monogamy gene is to be found in both men and women. Then it's a mixed matter of respect, self-control and commitment. Women didn't get the impression that men only think with their "sticks" from no where, on the contrary, it took an endless series of stories and stolen glances to build that reputation up. That women escape the company of such men, not only because of their disgusting habit, but because being around a wandering-eye man destroys what's left of a woman's self-confidence and accordingly he has to go!

5. The virtuous guy
It's hard living under the microscope where everything is magnified and divided according to borderlines. Usually preaching is done by parents, those loathed instructions of what's right and what's perceived as wrong without convincing reasons is probably the reason why we're not that attached to them anymore. What any normal person would do when facing such condensed pressure is run towards those who he/she deeply love and know that they won't judge! But when the partner is all about setting rules, defining what is acceptable and what is not, blaming and condemning, directing and moralizing, the entire thing just seem worthless. It's true that a woman loves to feel the wings of a man surrounding her existence, protecting her from whichever dangers she's about to get herself into, yet in a non-parenting, repulsive way. Why is everything wrong? Why the stiffness of the mind? And why the hell are you guiding her? Communicate, debate, convince and every woman will listen. Scare, threat, yell, force and you'll be researching for alternative ways to reproduce!

6. The insecure
Finding a romantic man is like discovering treasure, finding a clingy romantic man is like finding a rotten skull midst the jewels! That's really how bad it is.
As almost every woman dreams of the gentleman who meets her with a flower in his hand and romantic words on his lips, it's the once in a while surprise that defines him as a man who is romantic, not the other way around. But those who speak, walk, talk and sometimes even stalk are clingy beings; women won't see them as men. Unlike what most men believe, women cherish their spaces and they do sense pretentious gestures. If you don't really miss her, she'll know, if you don't really trust her, she'll know and if you don't trust yourself, she'll know it too. At first, your insecurities will seem nice to her, it's nice to have a powerful man feel scared of loosing a woman, it feels good but soon enough, time after time, suffocation after another, she'll translate those signs to insecurities and BAM! You're out of the picture!

7. The changer
As a rule of thumb, no one is capable of changing others. As a matter of fact, I can better relate to helping people see their capabilities and good sides rather than changing them! I can also relate to people trying to adjust to their partners' needs and personalities but not change for them. Since in the end truths prevail, people go back to their normal selves and realize they've been trapped in their own bodies. It's either you love her the way she is or not, for if you keep on putting words in her mouth, brainwashing her with your thoughts, she won't be an individual, but another Stepford wife. Even the Stepford wives took a stance and rebelled, putting their men down!

Closure Chaos

Since there’s no such thing as a break-up manual, people usually go for the least stressful techniques. But homa doul eli gom yeka7aloha 3amoha bgd, because though that technique or strategy might seem harmless at first but the outcome is disastrous like you wouldn’t believe…

Never saw it coming!
Finally found someone who’s a real gentleman, one who provided her with the space she needs and still managed to be by her side. She loved him deeply that when he left for a- two weeks-job she decided to pay him back, so she went for a complete make-over and was dying to see the look on his face when he sees her… On the day of his arrival, he didn’t call, didn’t answer nor replied her messages. She considered all the possible excuses other than eno nafadlaha. She lingered for days even after she knew he’s fine and back to his normal life. She awaited that call but instead she received one from her friend consoling her for the break-up she never knew happened in the first place… It’s the way you end a relationship that determines how you’ll be remembered, she’ll always remember that guy who didn’t have the guts to tell her it’s over and you know how girls and gossips match thus I hope he meets someone else from a different continent because he’s pretty much done here!
Run for your liiiiiiiiiiiiifeeeeeeee!
Girls are not that comfortable with break-ups either, but we do have one privilege though, guys are less emotional so we wouldn’t have to deal with tears, may be screams! Thus the only way to avoid all the explanation is to trick him into breaking up with her, that way she’s the victim and he’s the cold-hearted monster L To do that, every single thing that’s a deal-breaker is in trial, starting with socializing with other guys to provocative clothes. If he turned out to be a cold blooded amphibian, there’s always spending more time with the girlfriends, shutting him out and of course the tough trio, whining, nagging and totally dependant, tears or no tears he can’t take it any longer, now the “we need to talk” part is in order and voila free as a bird with wala men shaf wala men dri!

El sara7a mesh ra7a!!When out of options, people tend to turn to honesty, thinking it’s the only salvation …WRONG!! If by honesty you’re aiming for a quite, noble break-up then you’re destined to a bitter fight. Here’s why, people who are deeply in love tend to get more disappointed, they feel betrayed and shocked when their partners announce they want out. I mean one bad news is enough for the day; you don’t have to over do it with el dameer elly s7y fag2a to thread all the flows and annoying facts that will make the one who loves you the most feels like the worst person alive! I say go for the simple “it’s not working for me” That should do the trick!!
Can’t let go! Perseverance is a great quality, but when it comes to a relationship where the other literally loathes you and you keep calling for 3 years da fara3’!
Loosing control over your emotions is sort of a given in closures but what happened to that guy is pure bad luck; he fell for this girl who’s very weird, into magic and spells. After sometime- lama faa2 ya3ny- he saw the incompatibility and it’s clear what he had to do. Shortly after he started having the worst nightmares ever that pushed him to insomnia, now he’s loosing his mind wondering if what’s happening to him is because of the spells or the mind games she’s always playing with him as she’s literally everywhere he goes. It’s never easy pushing people away but to stop them from messing with your head… Good luck with that!

Enty tstahly 27san meny!!This is hilarious bgd… A guy is breaking-up with his girlfriend, not because of her intolerable qualities but because he fears for her well-being!
He said that he’s willing to sacrifice his happiness for her, that he cares too much about her and fears that his over flowing love is going to hurt her!!
Allow me this question, if ever a girl meets a guy who puts her needs ahead of his will she ever let him go?? NO!! That guy’s everything she’s been looking for! Of course she’ll be sticking to him like glue, supporting him through whatever his imaginary problems were cause that’s the least he deserves. Instead of a break up he got trapped because he’s acted like a rare male breed when his not, 2olna el kdb 5eba!

Why would a loving mother turn into an impious mother in-law? How to deal with a harsh mother in-law?!

If what people say about motherhood being capable of curing the tautly tendons of a cruel heart, then something must have gone wrong! As every in-law started out as a mother who according to that doubtful saying supposedly holds a kind heart! Puzzler! Because as far as I know, seen, witnessed or whatever, mother in- laws are mean! Of course there's the occasional lucky bride who lands a sporadic peaceful second mom, however, not every girl out there is as fluky. In fact almost everyone I bump into is surrounded by craws! So, how, when and why did that transition take place? I was literally on a mission to find out…

Since I'm a huge potential believer, digging into a woman's personality, past and belief system to scrutinize her motherly side should reveal plenty regarding her tendency to turn into an impious mother in-law. That being said, I managed to categorize potentially cruel mothers in-law into 4 groups:

1. The "because they told me so" potential group:Those mothers are much affected by the tradition and what should and should not be. They tend to blindly follow the script, a mother in-law should be wicked, sly, hard to please and manipulative and so they shall be!

2. The "can't trick me twice" potential group:While growing up, it's only natural for women who witnessed their kind-hearted mothers standing helplessly as they were roughened up by their spouses to subconsciously turn into the fiercer version of the in-laws who primarily protect their kids and secondly themselves so as not to be taken for granted!

3. The "I'm bossy and I like it" potential group:When bossiness shines brighter than the sun in a mother's eyes, goodness scurry to the nearest exit! For she's a natural impious mother in-law waiting for someone other than her family and friends to show who the real boss is!

4. The "me, myself and I" potential group:As it is the case with most selfish people, ego issues overflow when someone dares to steal the light, the people or even their place in their children's hearts. Consequently, I won't be magnifying their reaction when I say that they'll be competing over their children's time, love and affection, after all they are their properties!

Giving in to the fact that not every mother has the natural hidden potential to go crazy, yet manage to surprise the world with their unforeseen dark side. I had to look somewhere else for that drive and fortunately enough with less effort; the factors contributing to their transition hit me in the face!
So, without further ado, I present to you the 3 compelling factors which can instantly turn a gentle mother to a daunting in-law:

1. Security issues:
Security for Egyptian women comes from exactly 3 different sources; men, jobs aka money and children. Since in our culture women struggle to create a career and filthy rich women are usually intimidated or used by men, it's only fair to say that jobs aren't guaranteed to provide a lifetime of security. And since men come as the number one stressor in any woman's life, they counteract their actual role as security providers to constant nags, which kind of leaves women with only one last life-connecting-thread, their children! But when their children are about to be abducted by wild aliens who threaten the mother with an endless loneliness, it's only logical that clinginess and overprotection comes as the only defense mechanism left to achieve the sought after security.

2. Payback time:Word is out that part of the motherly job is to protect the kids, regardless of the fact that I personally wouldn't know about the level of dedication when compared to nationality or various cultures, but I know this, instinct-wise mothers everywhere are ready to suck the life out of any predator aiming their children. Accordingly, witnessing a daughter or a son being mistreated by a spouse is fairly sufficient to turn any soft mother into a man-eating monster enclosed in the form of an in-law screaming "REVENGE!"

3. Their rants:
People talk, there's nothing new about that! Yet, as talkative as women can be gossips and stories pass around faster than fire especially when it contains bits and pieces concerning familial quarrels! Hearing this, any mother, fearing for herself and her kids would chose to put on the scary mask and act like the toughest mother in-law that ever lived! Even though the spouse might have done nothing wrong nor harmed her child in any way, but it's as they say safety first and experiences never lie!

Now that we have covered some pretty serious grounds on mothers' potentials in turning into a typical mother in-law and the factors that might have lead to this wonderful abruption, let's play a probability game to detect the category to which your possible/current mother in-law belongs to…
Considering only 2 personal trademarks, kind and harsh, we get 4 possibilities for any mother in-law, she's either:

1. Kind on the inside but harsh on the outsideThis is nothing but a wily cover-up to hide her scare from your unseen dark side, send you an indirect message that she's capable of taking you down anytime you decide to attack or that she's harmlessly bossy and selfish as mentioned earlier. How to detect her deliberately hidden kindness is easy, as between the yells and the angry looks, her true self pops out once in a while in the form of kind gestures, generous offerings or even a sincere thank you. And don't worry because she won't be harsh to you for long, as if she's truly kind, then she'll drop the act when she trusts you to be the nice person she hoped for her children and grandsons.

2. Kind on the outside but harsh on the insideShe is by far the worst of all types of mothers' in-law, as she simply allures you in with her welcoming arms, charitable gestures and the delusion of her caring about you more than her own child. I'm telling you now wake up and smell the coffee; no one is capable of loving anyone more than their own offspring! She might say it, emphasis it and even persist on it but she'll drag you in to trust her, spill out your guts about what's bothering you in your relationship and memorize you inside out. I can't say that she's that evil to use the information you once shared in confidence against you, but let's just say she'll keep it, if not share it with your future spouse to know how to deal with you and put you right where you belong!

3. Harsh inside out
As much as there's no hope going around this awful mother in-law at least there is no baffling involved, she's just harsh. Though good-intentioned spouses would try to look for the bright side but alas! As cruel as her truth is, she'll spare no effort to tick you off and drive you out of your temper. Probably to gain the sympathy of her children and reclaim her property or out of tradition, a mother in-law should never be nice, kind nor negotiable!

4. Kind inside out
If other people's experiences are of any indication, it's that being around your mother in-law should never be fun, but what if it actually is?! Well, there are a number of possibilities here; may be she's playing you till the worst happens, may be you're delusional for skipping on her harsh comments or than she's actually kind. Just like the harsh inside out mother in-law, time is your only detector. When you see no harm, feel no threat from her side while keeping her child's best interest at heart, then this is a real blessing because she'll be working to make you both happy and together. Sure she'll have her flaws like caring too much or being too much involved but at least she's not thriving to get you out of the picture!

How to Pause, Stop and Delete an outdated relationship? (He Said She Said Magazine Jan'09)

The ordeal of poisoned hearts!
Relationships come in all different shapes and sizes; there are the ones that last for life, others that cause nothing but a swirl of torments and some that pass by anonymously without a trace! It’s in the second type where the heart finds its poison and anguish. You know it when you’ve given someone and the sake of being with her/him your best shot and ended up defeated in a battle you should have won and bathed in its glory. But as the wind always blows in the wrong direction, we are supposed to resist and find our own way to the right side. Those words are nicely said but hardly ever done. We need factual to implement and steps to follow to rise up from the heartache everyone is destined to experience. And so my dearly beloved, I hereby promise to provide you with nothing but 100% tested tips on how to rescue your poisoned heart, all of which have been tried humans before!

A. How to pause the existing relationship?Pausing your relationship is a very serious step, which is only meant to happen when you feel something’s not right about your love life.
To pause your relationship you have to:
1. Be frank with yourself about your needs and wants from any relationship you might embark.
2. Evaluate your current relationship as well as your partner and see if they both measure up to your essentials.
3. Take some time off from your partner; you need to try life on your own first in order test your feelings away from his/her spell.
Intermission: By following those steps, you have consulted both your heart and mind. Now it’s your call whether to continue with the relationship or move on to the next step and stop.
4. If the fact that you’re still reading is of any indication, I’d say that you decided to stop. But first you need to specify the reasons why you’re calling it quits and be serious about them. Meaning that no matter what, it’s impossible to give your needs up.

B. How to stop an overly done relationship?You made it perfectly clear that you want to end this relationship, but only to yourself! Now, comes the most difficult part, informing your partner about your firm decision.
To stop your relationship you have to:
1. Make a decision on where will the confrontations take place, at your home, at a café or over the phone!
2. Organize your thoughts and your reasons why you need this relationship to stop.
3. Listen to your partner defense, even if you’re mind is set, don’t ever deny her/him that right.
4. Never make a promise to stay friends because no matter how mature or conscious you are, you might fall for her/him again or worse! You might be giving your partner a false hope of winning you over. Accordingly, you’ll both need time to heal before you can be around each and not get hurt!

C. How to delete the outdated relationship?Stopping your relationship yourself doesn’t make it any less painful. Thus, like everyone else, you need to let go and move one.
To delete your relationship you have to:
1. Express your agony outwards not on yourself. Instead of weighting it on your nerves or health, put it out in words, in music, in drawing or even in sweating.
2. Embrace yourself. You are as much responsible for the failure of this relationship as your partner. Take this time to reflect on yourself and work on your negatives.
3. Focus on the bad sides of that relationship. I know it’s uncommon but learning that you’re better off without it makes the letting go hundred times easier.
4. Refuse to talk about it to people if talking doesn’t help heal your wounds.
And finally; adopt this slogan as your life motto; if you know your worth, never settle for less.

Danger Alert! Someone has an eye for my man! (Feb'09 Insight magazine)

As young ladies, we swore to always stick together, help each other out and never let a guy come in between. But that didn’t last long; did it? He managed to get in the way, picked out his favorite girl, leaving the other heartbroken and reeks of insecurity. Then the shattered girl stands up; finds herself another friend who swears to never let a guy come in between. Yet once again, another he shows up, crush their sacred bond with his charming smile and fraud promises leaving the other girl crippled for life!

While witnessing the recurrence of the exact same story over and over again, all I could think about is that it’s no surprise women’s rivalry is that obvious! We’ve been fouled, manipulated and used by each other before men did. The hard to miss insecurities had already formed a blinding fold unto our hearts, minds and souls. And this is how women’s properties have become an easy catch for their fellow others, nothing is off-limit! Properties can range from earrings to men, as long as they can get them, they want them, end of story!

It’s a completely different scene when two women are competing to win the heart of a man than when a woman is trying to steal YOUR man! It happens all the time, to every woman regardless of her beauty, delicacy or femininity.
Now you can be all about I’m irreplaceable and no one can mess with me, or be willing to open your eyes, watch whoever is aiming at your man and act fast before you’re hit with a mistress in your face!

Regardless of the fact that you might be seeing your man as a jerk who owns nothing but flaws, there are definitely other women who perceive him as the perfect man. So, let’s pick their brains for a moment here and learn the reasons why they would want your man?!

1. When a woman reaches a certain stage of desperation, she adopts some behavior trends and attitudes that she would not normally do. Thus it becomes her thing to flirt with any guy, dress in a ridiculously revealing way, do spontaneous shocking actions to steal the attention and tip off sexual notions in any context. And it’s too obvious for women only, men on the other hand are much distracted with watching to analyze any of this. So, she might not be after your man specifically, she’s after any man who can get her out of the desperation hole.

2. Committed men in general whether faithfully or traitorously posses this weird vibe that attracts the single ladies. Exactly like the forbidden fruit, he’s mysterious, tempting yet out of reach. As if their wedding bands scream out, I’m a rare breed of men, I can commit! And by looking at the previously mentioned issues women have with disloyalty, for them these men are worth the trouble and the compromise.

3. You are the reason why your man is being eyed! You are too beautiful, too sexy, too feminine, and too perfect to be true that women out of jealousy and most probably your snobbish attitude wants to break you. They want to prove they can steal your man off your wrist and thus smash your perfection!

4. I don’t believe in platonic friendships but before you disagree with me, let’s picture your husband working with a single vibrant woman 5 days a week, 8 hours each day. It’s inevitable that they’ll be friends, he will be her confidant who will lend her both of his ears when she needs to vent out about the cruel that is life! I’m not saying that your man is unfaithful or that every coworkers must end up in bed. But as I always say, affairs begin when only the photogenic side of the person is displayed! Your man can’t be rude to her as he is to you, he can’t tell her he doesn’t have time for this nonsense and certainly he can’t yell at her. Accordingly, she thinks of your man as the only sane male left on this earth, can you blame her now?!

Trust comes out as the sole relationship breaker or maintainer; some would say that as long as I trust him, I don’t need to worry about who is eyeing him. But if I don’t, out of his previous slips, my insecurities or the fact that I know what other women are capable of then goodbye to sleep and hello eye bags!
What I usually do in such circumstances is that I first watch how he reacts around her, does he notice she’s coming on to him, is he enjoying it or is he breaking her desperate vibes and not because I’m just there?!

Every woman knows her man inside out; she can tell you instantly if he’s a flirt or an honest man. But sometimes because she doesn’t want to believe that he can betray her this easy, she’ll deny it until it happens right in front of her!

So let’s say it did happen, you spotted the b^$# who wants your till- this- moment- faithful man. You have one decision to make first before taking action, either to bring it up to his attention that another woman is craving him, which of course serves his ego right, or zip it so you can secretly take matters into your own hands.

For now, let’s just say that you decided to keep this matter to yourself, then, you have two options:
a. fiercely look back at her many times to let her know you noticed her nasty behavior.
b. If she’s someone you know, express that you’re uncomfortable with the way she acts around your man and that if she keeps on acting that way then you can no longer be friends.

That’s the as far as your dealing with the intruding woman goes, now over to the first option where you decided to tell him about the incident. As a rule of thumb, never ever never yell at him or accuse him for something he never did and turn his life into a nightmare just because you’re jealous. Be smart; entice him, love him more, upgrade yourself the way your man likes, listen to his wants and needs and be there for him like you never did. Then laugh about it together, you are the one who should fulfill his ego not anyone else, compliment him, tell him how blessed you are to have him in your life, all of course should be dosed up to scale so as not to turn him into a peacock. Taking extra care of your man is something that you should do whether you chose to tell him or not. Because if you start with the whys, how’s and the whole accusation fiesta then you’ll definitely lose him, if not for the woman you spotted, he’ll end up with another one and you don’t want that!

It’s hard to play happy on the outside when you’re all worried on the inside, I should know, I’ve been there, but it takes work, wittiness and wisdom to make any relationship work. If you want him and you are utterly confident that he is worth all that then don’t slug off so as not to suffer with the what if’s for the rest of your life.

The deadly traits guaranteed to kill any relationship!

There’s no doubt in my mind that all people are capable of change. Giving the numerous ways of improvements and the endless second chances, I believe anything could be done.
But also considering that love’s blind, people tend to forgive anything regardless how painful it’s to get over a partner’s flaw, as long as it’s doable. To accept that and may be even aim for its improvement is nothing short of a heroic action. Yet there are some qualities- 3 to be specific- that one might think they can let go of but it is only time that can prove otherwise. And before you know it, you’ll be walking out of a relationship with a wound that of course will heal but is as well guaranteed to scar your future relationships.

For that I present to you the three deadly traits- in the unbiased way possible- that if found in any human being, you have to, absolutely have to break it off before it breaks you…

Deadly trait #1: Lying:
We can definitely all agree that relationships are all about trust, right? It’s just good sense, for how can you trust someone who’ve lied to you before?! Even if that special someone did apologize, promised and unconditionally crossed her/his heart to forevermore be honest. Deep down inside you’ll still be doubtful each time they open their mouths to speak. For you might think this is something that you can get over by time. Worse! You might start blaming yourself for not being able to forgive and forget!
The Lying I’m aiming at isn’t like “No, honey you look absolutely gorgeous in that dress” or “I’m ok with you spending more time with your friends, it gives me the space I need, Arghhhhhhhh!” Actually those are the essential white lies, but they’re the huge ones, the big relationship wreckers that you should and absolutely must worry about.
Thus, if you’re positive that your partner is a flat out liar, just walk away and never look back. All you have to do is picture a lifetime of happiness with someone who respects you enough to tell the truth or an endless suffering from a hopeless condition that will get you no where but straight to a mental institute. And the answer will pop itself automatically!

Deadly trait #2: Cheating:I’ll let you in a little story of someone I know. She, like many fresh graduates of her age, got engaged to a suitable suitor of whom she grew fond of rather quickly. Close to the wedding, the groom informed his future wife that he has to go on a business trip for only a week. Accordingly she packed all her emotions for just that day where she could show him how much he’ll be missed. She wrote every day and received his flaming letters with the cutest grin on her face while praying for him to come home safely for their fairytale to start. But fortunately for her, or so I see it, she saw him driving his car with some girl whom he was, let’s say, tickling! She got all confused, first she thought she had the wrong car, as he’s not expected back for another 3 days and he wrote back for God’s sake! But her first gift to him, a white teddy dangling for the rear-view mirror confirmed all her doubts. That guy was him, and it was clear to her that this thing that she once considered a relationship had to end.
Cheating is cutting for anyone, it’s such a slap on the face, especially if you’re giving your best and this is how you’re met. But it doesn’t matter if it’s a built-in trait or a new kicked in habit, it’s just not worth it. First, because this is the kind of condition where only small percentage makes it through but with the highest risk of relapse. Second, Do you think that living in a cynical cage for the rest of your life fun?! Just picture all the fuss about your sinking self-confidence and the invited fights. Picture each time you get introduced to a potential predator, or going away with friends. It’ll just too hectic and repulsive. For honestly, it’s preferable for people to be honest about their monogamy issues rather keeping it to their selves and for their partners to figure out later!

Deadly trait #3: SkimpingI’ve always assumed that the greatest pillar of love is sharing. And I consider the materialistic aspects of a relationship to be the most difficult. For this is when a person’s generosity is put to the test; especially in the most difficult time; when money is tight. Out of million considerations, it’s only reasonable to consider everything else offered in a relationship is free; the softening whispers, the overflowing feelings and the unconditional love for one another. But when it gets to outings and gifts that’s when you really get to know what your partner think of you with the unmistakable testimony where they prefer spending their last 5o pounds on you rather than keeping it to themselves. For those who have cheap partners, I’ve got two words for you, they’ll always be cheap and as if that’s not enough a skimping person is always selfish and materialistic. So unless you do something about it now, get ready for an enjoyable ride of some serious begging!

I normally don’t encourage people to break off a good relationship especially if they’re happy about it. But when it comes to those three, one always needs to find an exit door, preferably a fast short cut to it, for it’s not enough to leave; you have to do it fast!