Sunday, August 28, 2016

Some prefer her helpless!

She is the definition of perfection… Everything you would desire and more. A heart of gold; the right mindset; funny; witty; a beauty queen; she dreams big and actually delivers… The only problem is she has  “independent” written all over her! 

There is something about women who have experienced independence and achievements that sets eligible suitors running for the exit door! And I can fairly say it this time IT IS NOT YOU… IT IS THEM. All of them; the culture, the society, and the men. It is not that your strength is not welcomed, it just has to be subtle. Don't you dare use it to become the exception in the "good girl" rule book because they scare easy. Men definitely get attracted to "original" women, ones who know what they want and probably how to get it too but will they marry them?! 

I have witnessed the same scenario over and over again to the extent that it has become expected! Strong, successful women are more likely to end up alone! Consequently, a consolidating myth was born; strong, independent women choose to be single. But I can firmly assure you that no, for the women who are looking, they do not aim after the label “spinster.” They do want a man to share life with and cute chubby babies to snuggle, but they do not settle or merely accept what is being offered. It is quiet normal - no actually, it is required-  for fresh female graduates to aspire; job-hunt and pursue a career that is until age strikes close to 30… It is right then and there that the same hands which applauded your determination will point their fingers at you for being "late." Many women will admit that it is slim pickings out there but the courageous ones would say it like it is; it is not about finding a man, it is about finding the man who can handle being with me! 

As women we have been advised to be needy enough to make men feel important but not too much as to drive them away. We have been asked to limit our strength to standing by our man. We have been taught that a woman’s tears are her strongest weapon yet warned from depending on a man. We have been urged to fall for a man, get married, but keep an eye for whenever he decides to cheat or leave or even die. And I wonder, how is that working for us?! It reached the point of downright confusing, on one end women are encouraged to expand their potentials and on the other they get punished for their hard-earned success. And so slogans have been raised to point the fact that when it comes to relationships, modernisation is restricted to appearances. 


And just like that a different species of women is acknowledged, the kind that men admire but would not dare committing to. As if, in an indirect way, women are given three options to be in a relationship; (1) apologize for their achievements, (2) split the costs of living, or (3) give it all up because after all compromise is a woman's specialty. 

But see, that is just an excuse for men's slackness and getting too comfortable. If you are a woman who earn, you are like a time bomb because you have a choice and therefore you have a voice that cannot be silenced, And that is just frowned upon! So why bother let's bring in kittens who would scare easily instead. But God… How wrong can they be? Because, how many times have you heard about women who felt helpless and resource-free but decided to leave when enough was just the right amount of enough?! Countless… 

Men really do not know what to do with strong women! There are many how to’s guiding men who are unfortunate to date women with a bigger pay check or have achieved more than they ever did! Can you imagine? Guidelines on how to accept a superior woman, but none for women on accepting superior men! And that for me translates to “all what men can bring to the table is financial support.” That this is the only way they know how to keep a woman caged in their homes, to own them, and guarantee that they will never leave. But I do not blame them, that is what they have been told, and they have an eye for the future. A strong woman disturbs the peace of a quiet home. She would not accept any bone you throw at her. She would not swallow lame excuses for negligence. She would demand her rights and will not let it go until her voice is heard. 

So the next time you meet a man who run away or put you in the friend zone because of your “independence” ask him these questions…

What are you really afraid of? 
Is it that I can meet you eye to eye? 
Is it that I am looking for a partner rather than a boss?
Is it that I can have a say?
Is it that I can push you to become your best version? 
That I can pack my bags and leave or worse kick you out? 
That I will not fetch any bone you throw at me?
Is it that I have the power to say “Enough”?
Is it that I can live without you but I might choose not to?
Is it that I have a clear vision of what I want and What I need?

Other than that, YOU walk away... Because he is looking for an extension not a wife.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

The Preface

It’s been a while since I last spoke through you…
You were my whole world 
The only way to my inner peace
You were what defined me
unique... delicate... and worthy...


A lot has happened…

I changed…

I have aged 20 years in the blink of an eye…
Things changed….
Please forgive my tears as they hinder your way…
For I have been trying not to disturb you…
I didn’t want to burden you with my pain…
Or may be I didn't want to -one day-  come face to face with them…
I have changed and I’m not going back…

I'm not necessarily wiser... I wouldn't call myself that...
I learnt cautiously to be cautious at all times…
Now my smile has to dig its way to my lips…
My thoughts have to be silenced...

They are too much to handle
And way too fast to trace

I learnt to expect the worst and be prepared…
I saw the enemy… the envy… and the hate…
I used to believe in unicorns and rainbows…
Now storms dominate…
I listen to them willingly on my own…
I bow to them... I am grateful...
They define me now...
Loud... fierce... and worthy...

I am no longer yours...
I don't need to hide behind you anymore...
I am not afraid of what they might think or speculate...

Simply because no one knows...

I thought I can use you to erase it all…
But I couldn’t write till I made peace first…

I fought hard and won the battle...
I lost a lot but gained what I once owned...

Think of me always...
watch me in silence...
Witness my rebellions
And forever be faithful...

I have been through a lot and I won’t tell you about it…
But I will tell you this…

I have changed and I’m not going back…

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Top 8 things 2015 taught me

١- أكتر حاجة كنت فاكر انك لو خسرتها هتموت هى السبب انك واقف محلك سر

٢- قوة اى إنسان فى ارادته لاهى عضلاته ولا فلوسه ولا معارفه
٣- السعادة اختيار مش حظ ولا نصيب
٤- خليك خفيف مع الناس ومتتعشمش فى حد قوى غير ربنا
٥- متقارنش نفسك بحد لأن مينفعش حد أصلا يتقارن بيك
٦- اعرف ان المشكلة اللى انت فيها انت قدها وان ربنا حايش عنك اللى انت مش قده
٧- قدر قيمة الناس اللى فى حياتك اللى على طول موجودين مع ان ملهمش مصلحة معاك
٨- الطموح حلو والحلم مش عيب بس دائماً أفتكر تقول الحمد لله

1-the one thing you thought if lost can kill you is the thing holding you back!

2- a person strength is measured by his/her will. Muscles, money and connections have nothing to do with it.
3- happiness is a choice, it's not a destiny or luck made.
4- don't expect too much from people.
5- don't compare yourself to others because no one can be compared to you.
6- know that you can burden your issues no matter how heavy they are.
7- appreciate those who stay in your life regardless of your status.
8- always remember to thank God for where you are in life regardless of how high you want to reach.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

مين اللى قال؟!

إن البنت الكوسة هى بس اللى بتسمع الكلام وبتقول حاضر ونعم.
إن البنت اللى بتروح كل يوم متأخرة دايرة على حل شعرها.
إن البنت اللى بتشرب سجاير أو بتشيش صايعة وأهلها معرفوش يربوها.
إن البنت اللى مش محجبة مش محترمة.
إن البنت هى السبب فى التحرش والإغتصاب.
إن المطلقة فاشلة ومتنفعش تعمر بيت.
إن البنت اللى عايشة لوحدها منحلة.
إن البنت لازم يكون مصيرها البيت والعيال.
إن الحرية ملهاش قيود.
إن الحب ضعف!
إن مفيش كرامة بين إتنين بيحبو بعض.
إن الراجل لازم يكون أنجح من الست.
إن الإختلاف نشاذ.
إن رأى الناس مهم.
إن السعادة نصيب

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Have you met your worst nightmare?!

Have you ever met your worst nightmare? I had… today… literally!
The day starting as per normal… Me racing out of bed, reaching for my favorite cup half asleep and struggling to prepare a warm cup of coffee to balance my twirling head. I sat down and fetched my phone to dabble a bit on the ever-misleading facebook till I’m ready to go by my day.
Scrolling down… kept scrolling till I found something that caught my eye. A friend sharing her death analysis! Yup! “Know when and why you will die,” I read.
To tell you the truth, I’m not a superstitious type of girl. While it is true that I enjoy the occasional coffee cup reading sessions offered by a relative of mine, yet I don’t usually give it much thought. But I was up, had a few minutes to spare away from the thesis writing rabbit hole, so why the hell not?!
So I clicked on the link, agreed to share my info but made sure this will not be posted on my timeline- little did I know that I will be writing about it later today for the world to see- I chose “Analyze” and a second later I was covered with boiling coffee!

I felt the cold numbness crawling up my spine, my eyes popping out the way only Tom the cat knows how to pull off, and I irrationally threw away the phone terrified that the words will latch on to me. I got up, washed for the Morning Prayer and prayed long enough to shake what I have just read off my mind.
I dreamt it… I have seen it… Not once, but twice!
The first time was months ago… The dream was so intense that I felt the heat of the flames burning the side of my neck crisp and the cold sharp metal of the car penetrating my ribs. I heard my own voice calming my trembling nerves, “it will be over soon… I’ll be dead soon”
And the second time was only three weeks ago… less intense but vivid enough for my right leg to cringe every time I recall the rolling of the car and the sound of my bones cracking with every hit they get…
It is not a matter of when, because I don't know how my life will turn out. I'm working today for a near future that I have absolutely no idea of whether it will satisfy my ego or my hunger for uniqueness. I'm happy today but I'm not sure about tomorrow. It was never the quantity for my life as much as it has everything to do with the quality.
For that I know this may sound silly… I know this might seem like a trivial quiz on facebook but it touched a fear I have been dealing with for months. Simply, this is not how I want to die…
If it was up to me; I wish to die young on my favorite praying mat. May be I’m choosing the easy way out, for God will forgive all my sins and for me to walk the “sirat” with confidence like a proud graduate knowing her way to receive the certificate with the highest honors. Just like that! No struggles, no sickness, no pain; as peaceful as a sleeping baby.
But I still believe in the power of prayer. If I want this then I will work hard enough and pray as sincerely as I can for God to hear me and grant me my wishes. Yet, if I die in a car accident then this thing should be studied and investigated if I might add. Because how on earth would you know that! How can you guess that?! I have never written a post about my love for driving, or the fact that I love my car the way I would if I had a third child, or the fear of crashing, or that this is the exact same age my dad died, or the fact that I dread this number... Nothing!
I think I will wait and see… But I’m telling you if on the 9th of October 2059 I died in a car accident don’t call it fate! Say that she had already read her tribute and wrote about it. That is of course if you are still around!

Saturday, August 23, 2014


I blow smoke to your face
To everything you stand for and everything you believe in
To your invincible chains and countless restrictions

Here I am standing right where you told me not to

Wearing what you once called unacceptable
Holding something you never thought I knew
Inhaling poison to exhale your toxins out

You taught me love then took it away

You fed me security then left me alone
You gave me freedom yet you forbade it

And here I am… blowing smoke to your face

I no longer fear you…

I no longer need you…
I no longer belong to you…

Watch me walk away

Watch me as I succeed
Watch me as I stand my worth
Watch me as I move on
Watch me as I kiss another man

And weep…

Grab your heart
Present it to me
And I’ll refuse

I will not fall for you

I will not pity you
I will not give you another chance

I won and you lost

I broke your code and spread my virus
I stole your strength and left you restless
I am building a future while you’re living in the past

I have grown stronger… I broke free

Look at me...
Now I can blow smoke to your face

Monday, November 11, 2013

Excuse me while I Gloat!

Today, I saw the look in a girl's eyes... A girl who used to intimidate me...

Today I intimidated her!

I have awakened all her weaknesses and vulnerability.

I was the image she wanted to be and that satisfied me...

I felt powerful, successful, and afraid.

The fear was overpowering; that of losing what I have mercilessly earned...

Today... I... WON!