How to brush off the ex effect?! (He Said She Said July'09)

The ordeal of wanting it all...

After a lousy breakup or an unexpected change of heart, the ex becomes nothing more of a memory; a well preserved memory. The preciousness of which have absolutely everything to do with where we are now. Single, committed, happily committed, can't wait till it's over committed or overshadowed by the past. However, everyone reacts differently to the sound of their ex's name and they have every right to feel that way based on how and why things ended. Some get that instant adrenaline rush of a 15 year old talking to his long time crush for the very first time; others have smoke coming out of their ears and flames rushing through their lips. But the luckiest of all are those who quietly remember the good and the bad with a gracious yet mysterious smile strong enough to keep their mouths and their hearts right where they should be. Yet, of course, those are the lucky sane ones who master the art of self-control. As for the other two, we are in serious need of pinning and a clear head to think straight with. But before struggling to get that to happen, here are the three common situations during which an ex can leave a permanent, how can I put this politely?!... A finger print!

1. Shaky grounds
My mum always says if it wasn't for the little holes, we wouldn't have appreciated smooth floors. But I always wondered how on earth would I even envision a smooth floor when I'm stuck in a filthy, smelly, dark hole?! How would I stand strong when my relationship is sinking and I have to graciously salute an old flame?! Wouldn't I secretly wish to be with the fun, can't seem to remember why I left him right now, guy rather than Mr. Reality?! Morals say no, one should never wish that, one should never think of that, instead one has to suck it up and go work on their shaky relationship. How?
a. Like a moth to a flame, one should seek protection in their partners' presence, bathe in their goodness and oversee their repelling side.
b. On the other hand, when running into the ex always try to make it as brief and as gracious as possible.
c. Most theories imply that part of the butterfly effect has to do with your level of self-satisfaction back then and where you are now. So, if you're longing for the past, you might be the reason why. Maybe you were more fit back then, less tempered, more energetic or fun.
d. And as I always suggest, the most effective way to get rid of any unwanted feeling is to remember why you left in the first place, remember all the bad times till you get that disgust in your gut!

2. Single & dying to mingle
The awesomeness of single-hood ends the moment you're reminded of a relationship you were once happy in. So, to lay it out gently, if you're single and ran into your ex, the feelings are resurfacing, you feel that you never really got over him. Your soul is battling whether or not you should give this another go; especially that he's also as free as a bird. Then you should consider going back only if:
a. The reasons why you called it quits looks numbingly stupid , trivial and petty right now.
b. After having your share of bad dates, you believe that his good qualities outweigh his bad one.
c. You've grown up, became more responsible and reasonable, I might add, and that you can handle the downsides of being with him. Period

3. The Obnoxious tell off
Karma usually finds its funny ways to pay back any wisecracker without even noticing. So picture this, you're sipping your coffee peacefully one day when you notice your abhorrent ex coming your direction. Now don't get me wrong, he's not just any ex, he's the one who grabbed your heart and smeared your favorite wallpaper with it, he's the one who left you lifeless for so long that you almost gave up breathing, he's the one who robbed your ability to love and trust. And all you can think of at this very moment is how to react?! Should you yell? Scream? Bite his head off? Settle this once and for all jungle style? Walk away? Or simply hi back?!
a. If it's been 5 -10 years, let it go, take the highroad for karma has definitely done its part.
b. 2 -4 years, you have the right to give him the cold treatment. But don't go too far. We don't want him thinking you're still hung up on him.c. month -1 year. The world is your dance floor. Do it your way. But I would recommend either a silent treatment or a walk away. After all, the wound is still exposed, fresh and thirsty for treatment!

How to fight off temptations?! (He Said She Said April '09)

The ordeal of dangled baits!

Time after time people have failed to define what’s so special about new things?! Is it the mystery, the fresh start, the anticipation or does it all come down to the matter of glittery boxes?! I for one have always believed that part of the enticement lays in the renewed chance for firsts and of course the sparkling swathe protecting it from predators eyes. Much like the affairs business, don’t you think? All complicated behind the scenes reasons aside, affairs have more to do with the carefully selected swathe! If you dare to disagree, allow me to remind you of my one dimensional theory which clearly states that when dealing with people while not living together, one tend to see only the charming, smiling, fun side. Thus, it’s only natural to fall for someone who you think never frown, doesn’t get angry as much and on top of all appreciate every little thing you do.

So to get this article started, you have to know that there are no guiding steps which you can follow and VOILA! The enticement spell is broken; in fact I find the tips spread around are much too theoretical to help.
That’s why ladies and gentlemen I give you the three facts everyone should know to avoid falling for the dangled baits trick, all of which have been extracted from humans before. Of course!
1. The cheating bone!
Although it’s a widely used, remarkably accurate figure of speech, well, it’s no longer just that! This has become an accredited fact that some people are born with a tendency to cheat or as the scientists committee politely puts it, are destined to have poor relationships. But of course it’s not literally a bone, it’s a gene actually titled the monogamy gene, allele 334. The more copies a person has of this monogamy gene, the more he’s up to cheat! I admit that it won’t be easy having a somehow normal relationship with such partner, for you constantly have to pick on the waves signaling that your relationship in going steady and thus you have to keep him/her interested and just too occupied to search for more.
2. Not getting it at home
No, I’m not talking about sex here because believe it or not sex, as in the mechanical action of lust, is not the trigger here. Women who believe that men go for prettier women or those who can satisfy their much flaming desires are not entirely right! By mentioning not getting it at home, I’m referring to the “I can’t win” complaint, meaning that he feels that whatever he’s trying to do to please you is not enough, that he’s not a man in your eyes and even that you’re not appreciating the little achievements he makes. Accordingly, he falls for the next woman who provides for the missing “you’re all man” factor. The same goes for women, who no longer get compliments, attention, care and a simple thank you once in a while. Thus end up falling for the same trap, the man with the sweet words…
3. The tell-tale signs
I came across those signs and figured that they’ll be an excellent addition to our “know it all selection”. Those are the tell-tale signs that your partner is cheating or is about to cheat, so beware!
a. Spends more time away from home: that’s the classic sign, but make sure first it’s not work or some necessary errands before you drive your partner out of this relationship yourself!
b. Having less intimacy: It’s like my mother always say, marriage is like a circle connected by many factors, once one slips out the circle can no longer be complete and the marriage is cracked!
c. Avoiding contact: One might interpret it as pure guilt; others may say it’s out of avoidance. I say it’s an alarming sign that your partner is slipping out of your life, learn what’s bothering him/her and quickly pull them in before someone else catch them in a weak moment and forever have them.
d. Nonstop criticizing: It really can’t get more obvious than this! Your partner is clearly not happy about something or things and is being verbal about them. Listen, pay extra attention, don’t accuse them of being difficult and stop turning a deaf ear.
Those signs as well as what I hope was important insights weren’t just to watch out for your partner or protect them from falling for the bait. Those were dedicated to you as well, if you have a cheating GENE in your body or not getting what you want from your relationship, first be honest with yourself about them, talk it through with your partner and create your own bait that you’d fall far each time…

Closure Chaos

Since there’s no such thing as a break-up manual, people usually go for the least stressful techniques. But homa doul eli gom yeka7aloha 3amoha bgd, because though that technique or strategy might seem harmless at first but the outcome is disastrous like you wouldn’t believe…

Never saw it coming!
Finally found someone who’s a real gentleman, one who provided her with the space she needs and still managed to be by her side. She loved him deeply that when he left for a- two weeks-job she decided to pay him back, so she went for a complete make-over and was dying to see the look on his face when he sees her… On the day of his arrival, he didn’t call, didn’t answer nor replied her messages. She considered all the possible excuses other than eno nafadlaha. She lingered for days even after she knew he’s fine and back to his normal life. She awaited that call but instead she received one from her friend consoling her for the break-up she never knew happened in the first place… It’s the way you end a relationship that determines how you’ll be remembered, she’ll always remember that guy who didn’t have the guts to tell her it’s over and you know how girls and gossips match thus I hope he meets someone else from a different continent because he’s pretty much done here!
Run for your liiiiiiiiiiiiifeeeeeeee!
Girls are not that comfortable with break-ups either, but we do have one privilege though, guys are less emotional so we wouldn’t have to deal with tears, may be screams! Thus the only way to avoid all the explanation is to trick him into breaking up with her, that way she’s the victim and he’s the cold-hearted monster L To do that, every single thing that’s a deal-breaker is in trial, starting with socializing with other guys to provocative clothes. If he turned out to be a cold blooded amphibian, there’s always spending more time with the girlfriends, shutting him out and of course the tough trio, whining, nagging and totally dependant, tears or no tears he can’t take it any longer, now the “we need to talk” part is in order and voila free as a bird with wala men shaf wala men dri!

El sara7a mesh ra7a!!When out of options, people tend to turn to honesty, thinking it’s the only salvation …WRONG!! If by honesty you’re aiming for a quite, noble break-up then you’re destined to a bitter fight. Here’s why, people who are deeply in love tend to get more disappointed, they feel betrayed and shocked when their partners announce they want out. I mean one bad news is enough for the day; you don’t have to over do it with el dameer elly s7y fag2a to thread all the flows and annoying facts that will make the one who loves you the most feels like the worst person alive! I say go for the simple “it’s not working for me” That should do the trick!!
Can’t let go! Perseverance is a great quality, but when it comes to a relationship where the other literally loathes you and you keep calling for 3 years da fara3’!
Loosing control over your emotions is sort of a given in closures but what happened to that guy is pure bad luck; he fell for this girl who’s very weird, into magic and spells. After sometime- lama faa2 ya3ny- he saw the incompatibility and it’s clear what he had to do. Shortly after he started having the worst nightmares ever that pushed him to insomnia, now he’s loosing his mind wondering if what’s happening to him is because of the spells or the mind games she’s always playing with him as she’s literally everywhere he goes. It’s never easy pushing people away but to stop them from messing with your head… Good luck with that!

Enty tstahly 27san meny!!This is hilarious bgd… A guy is breaking-up with his girlfriend, not because of her intolerable qualities but because he fears for her well-being!
He said that he’s willing to sacrifice his happiness for her, that he cares too much about her and fears that his over flowing love is going to hurt her!!
Allow me this question, if ever a girl meets a guy who puts her needs ahead of his will she ever let him go?? NO!! That guy’s everything she’s been looking for! Of course she’ll be sticking to him like glue, supporting him through whatever his imaginary problems were cause that’s the least he deserves. Instead of a break up he got trapped because he’s acted like a rare male breed when his not, 2olna el kdb 5eba!

How to Pause, Stop and Delete an outdated relationship? (He Said She Said Magazine Jan'09)

The ordeal of poisoned hearts!
Relationships come in all different shapes and sizes; there are the ones that last for life, others that cause nothing but a swirl of torments and some that pass by anonymously without a trace! It’s in the second type where the heart finds its poison and anguish. You know it when you’ve given someone and the sake of being with her/him your best shot and ended up defeated in a battle you should have won and bathed in its glory. But as the wind always blows in the wrong direction, we are supposed to resist and find our own way to the right side. Those words are nicely said but hardly ever done. We need factual to implement and steps to follow to rise up from the heartache everyone is destined to experience. And so my dearly beloved, I hereby promise to provide you with nothing but 100% tested tips on how to rescue your poisoned heart, all of which have been tried humans before!

A. How to pause the existing relationship?Pausing your relationship is a very serious step, which is only meant to happen when you feel something’s not right about your love life.
To pause your relationship you have to:
1. Be frank with yourself about your needs and wants from any relationship you might embark.
2. Evaluate your current relationship as well as your partner and see if they both measure up to your essentials.
3. Take some time off from your partner; you need to try life on your own first in order test your feelings away from his/her spell.
Intermission: By following those steps, you have consulted both your heart and mind. Now it’s your call whether to continue with the relationship or move on to the next step and stop.
4. If the fact that you’re still reading is of any indication, I’d say that you decided to stop. But first you need to specify the reasons why you’re calling it quits and be serious about them. Meaning that no matter what, it’s impossible to give your needs up.

B. How to stop an overly done relationship?You made it perfectly clear that you want to end this relationship, but only to yourself! Now, comes the most difficult part, informing your partner about your firm decision.
To stop your relationship you have to:
1. Make a decision on where will the confrontations take place, at your home, at a café or over the phone!
2. Organize your thoughts and your reasons why you need this relationship to stop.
3. Listen to your partner defense, even if you’re mind is set, don’t ever deny her/him that right.
4. Never make a promise to stay friends because no matter how mature or conscious you are, you might fall for her/him again or worse! You might be giving your partner a false hope of winning you over. Accordingly, you’ll both need time to heal before you can be around each and not get hurt!

C. How to delete the outdated relationship?Stopping your relationship yourself doesn’t make it any less painful. Thus, like everyone else, you need to let go and move one.
To delete your relationship you have to:
1. Express your agony outwards not on yourself. Instead of weighting it on your nerves or health, put it out in words, in music, in drawing or even in sweating.
2. Embrace yourself. You are as much responsible for the failure of this relationship as your partner. Take this time to reflect on yourself and work on your negatives.
3. Focus on the bad sides of that relationship. I know it’s uncommon but learning that you’re better off without it makes the letting go hundred times easier.
4. Refuse to talk about it to people if talking doesn’t help heal your wounds.
And finally; adopt this slogan as your life motto; if you know your worth, never settle for less.

Danger Alert! Someone has an eye for my man! (Feb'09 Insight magazine)

As young ladies, we swore to always stick together, help each other out and never let a guy come in between. But that didn’t last long; did it? He managed to get in the way, picked out his favorite girl, leaving the other heartbroken and reeks of insecurity. Then the shattered girl stands up; finds herself another friend who swears to never let a guy come in between. Yet once again, another he shows up, crush their sacred bond with his charming smile and fraud promises leaving the other girl crippled for life!

While witnessing the recurrence of the exact same story over and over again, all I could think about is that it’s no surprise women’s rivalry is that obvious! We’ve been fouled, manipulated and used by each other before men did. The hard to miss insecurities had already formed a blinding fold unto our hearts, minds and souls. And this is how women’s properties have become an easy catch for their fellow others, nothing is off-limit! Properties can range from earrings to men, as long as they can get them, they want them, end of story!

It’s a completely different scene when two women are competing to win the heart of a man than when a woman is trying to steal YOUR man! It happens all the time, to every woman regardless of her beauty, delicacy or femininity.
Now you can be all about I’m irreplaceable and no one can mess with me, or be willing to open your eyes, watch whoever is aiming at your man and act fast before you’re hit with a mistress in your face!

Regardless of the fact that you might be seeing your man as a jerk who owns nothing but flaws, there are definitely other women who perceive him as the perfect man. So, let’s pick their brains for a moment here and learn the reasons why they would want your man?!

1. When a woman reaches a certain stage of desperation, she adopts some behavior trends and attitudes that she would not normally do. Thus it becomes her thing to flirt with any guy, dress in a ridiculously revealing way, do spontaneous shocking actions to steal the attention and tip off sexual notions in any context. And it’s too obvious for women only, men on the other hand are much distracted with watching to analyze any of this. So, she might not be after your man specifically, she’s after any man who can get her out of the desperation hole.

2. Committed men in general whether faithfully or traitorously posses this weird vibe that attracts the single ladies. Exactly like the forbidden fruit, he’s mysterious, tempting yet out of reach. As if their wedding bands scream out, I’m a rare breed of men, I can commit! And by looking at the previously mentioned issues women have with disloyalty, for them these men are worth the trouble and the compromise.

3. You are the reason why your man is being eyed! You are too beautiful, too sexy, too feminine, and too perfect to be true that women out of jealousy and most probably your snobbish attitude wants to break you. They want to prove they can steal your man off your wrist and thus smash your perfection!

4. I don’t believe in platonic friendships but before you disagree with me, let’s picture your husband working with a single vibrant woman 5 days a week, 8 hours each day. It’s inevitable that they’ll be friends, he will be her confidant who will lend her both of his ears when she needs to vent out about the cruel that is life! I’m not saying that your man is unfaithful or that every coworkers must end up in bed. But as I always say, affairs begin when only the photogenic side of the person is displayed! Your man can’t be rude to her as he is to you, he can’t tell her he doesn’t have time for this nonsense and certainly he can’t yell at her. Accordingly, she thinks of your man as the only sane male left on this earth, can you blame her now?!

Trust comes out as the sole relationship breaker or maintainer; some would say that as long as I trust him, I don’t need to worry about who is eyeing him. But if I don’t, out of his previous slips, my insecurities or the fact that I know what other women are capable of then goodbye to sleep and hello eye bags!
What I usually do in such circumstances is that I first watch how he reacts around her, does he notice she’s coming on to him, is he enjoying it or is he breaking her desperate vibes and not because I’m just there?!

Every woman knows her man inside out; she can tell you instantly if he’s a flirt or an honest man. But sometimes because she doesn’t want to believe that he can betray her this easy, she’ll deny it until it happens right in front of her!

So let’s say it did happen, you spotted the b^$# who wants your till- this- moment- faithful man. You have one decision to make first before taking action, either to bring it up to his attention that another woman is craving him, which of course serves his ego right, or zip it so you can secretly take matters into your own hands.

For now, let’s just say that you decided to keep this matter to yourself, then, you have two options:
a. fiercely look back at her many times to let her know you noticed her nasty behavior.
b. If she’s someone you know, express that you’re uncomfortable with the way she acts around your man and that if she keeps on acting that way then you can no longer be friends.

That’s the as far as your dealing with the intruding woman goes, now over to the first option where you decided to tell him about the incident. As a rule of thumb, never ever never yell at him or accuse him for something he never did and turn his life into a nightmare just because you’re jealous. Be smart; entice him, love him more, upgrade yourself the way your man likes, listen to his wants and needs and be there for him like you never did. Then laugh about it together, you are the one who should fulfill his ego not anyone else, compliment him, tell him how blessed you are to have him in your life, all of course should be dosed up to scale so as not to turn him into a peacock. Taking extra care of your man is something that you should do whether you chose to tell him or not. Because if you start with the whys, how’s and the whole accusation fiesta then you’ll definitely lose him, if not for the woman you spotted, he’ll end up with another one and you don’t want that!

It’s hard to play happy on the outside when you’re all worried on the inside, I should know, I’ve been there, but it takes work, wittiness and wisdom to make any relationship work. If you want him and you are utterly confident that he is worth all that then don’t slug off so as not to suffer with the what if’s for the rest of your life.

The 33 Relationship truths no one will ever tell you

It’s always hard to avoid the inevitable, let alone give in to the faulty snobbishness of knowing the right thing to do. As there is the straw that broke the camel’s back, there’s also the one who added that extra fatal burden. It’s true that no one was born a relationship wizard for those who are now, certainly had their share of heartaches. The problem is that it’s not easy to find people who are willing to admit their failures; they can blame them on bad luck or their partners at best! But there are only a few who are guaranteed to share with you, not only the faults, but the blunders that led to those pit falls. Who are those one of a kind honest people? Actually, for now it’s only me, but since it’s my Relationship Rewired finale, I wanted to give you something special.
So, hear out the major relationship truths, you need to snap right out of…

A. Opposite attracts!1. This is just another lie you or your friends might promote to not see your grumpy face.
2. Opposite may attract in physics but in relationships, similarities make life more enjoyable.
3. It’s absolutely crucial for your partner to share your interests and more importantly your beliefs, as things won’t always come down to you two. There will be kids along the way!
4. Being different from other people she/he might have known is appealing, but being different from her/him is not!
5. Life is always made easy with an understanding partner who can relate to your problems, if she/he is on the other end, how can they empathize?
6. I won’t lie to you, it might be fun, experiencing new places, meeting different people, getting introduce to different side of you, you might not have known. This is all good, in a crush/dating way but when it comes to settling down, you need someone to survive with, pull you up not in all directions!

B. You have to be in love 24/7!7. Come on! You know better than this, imagine having to eat honey every day, eventually, it’ll lose both its sweet taste and alluring charm.
8. This has nothing to do with reality for it takes no genius to realize that the more you contact each other, the more you clash!
9. Where’s the fun in that? The bad is intended to be there, not to make our lives worse, but to help us appreciate and long for the good sides as well.
10. It’s at the most difficult situations and the hideous fights when you get to discover the real, unraveled version of your partner. Only then you can decide whether the relationship is worth putting up with the ugly face or not!
11. That’s movie love and it’s named that for a reason. Everyone fights for the good time, that’s what makes a relationship worthy of your sacrifice.

C. You can always change what you hate about your partners!12. A flat out Lie! You can never change someone simply because you can’t even change yourself.
13. People can pretend to change for the person they love, but their true selves will soon out speak their love.
14. Part of being IN LOVE with someone is to love them the way they are, accept them as a package that can’t be altered.
15. When you’ve been with someone for long and you know that she/he has actually changed. It’s not that they changed because of you; it’s that you HELPED bring out the best that was already in them.
16. It’s a dream that we all have about our ONES, but unfortunately it’s what you hate to love about them that makes life magical.
17. If you’re lucky enough to witness your grandparents’ relationship, you’ll see how those once hated traits are now unseen. Not out of love, not out of surrender but because those very same hateful bits are now accustomed and worse, replaced by new ones!

D. Always speak what’s on your mind18. Almost everyone believes that using what God placed in your head is damaging to your relationship. WRONG!
19. Consider something minor as simple as wanting comfort from your one when you’re feeling down. That’s normal, it’s your right and frequent in our hectic lives. And since you refuse to your mind, you’ll stumble across her/him and literally spill out your guts regardless of their mood!
20. There’s a huge difference between honesty and cleverness.
21. Being the comfort zone for your beloved is not easy and of course it doesn’t come naturally. It takes practice to learn when it’s your time to talk and when you should shut up!
22. Speaking what’s on your mind is your granted right that no one can deny you, but it’s when and how you should exercise that right that will get you the best feedback you’ll ever need.
23. One of life’s most hurtful truths, you can’t control anyone even controlling yourself is most of the times hard to muster.

E. You’ll realize right away that this is the one!24. I wish life was that kind. Most people are blinded by the sparks and the desperation for love that they take the first heart beat as a sign.
25. There’s no ONE, there’s no SOULMATE, not because they don’t exist but because the older you get, the more the standards upon which you evaluate your “one” changes.
26. You have to open your mind to many opportunities and different people in order to set your standards right. After which you’ll be blessed with someone completely the opposite of who you wished to be with.
27. ANYONE who can grant you love, kindness, understanding, appreciation and similar interests can be the one. But, it all comes down to chemistry.
28. You can fall in and out of love a thousand times with different ones and that just proves my point, it’s all about timing and your evaluation.

F. Exchange the one you love for the one who loves you!29. Life is too short to waist it with someone you don’t feel for.
30. There’s always the hunting What If question that you’ll forever more wonder if you don’t grant your heart its chance.
31. People like to believe that if they’re with someone who truly cherish them then that’s the ultimate happiness. However, the ultimate happiness is only found within.
32. Exchanging partners is nothing short of a rebound relationship.
33. If it’s impossible to be with the one you love, don’t torture the one soul who loves you by giving them something less that true love.

Forced into Anti-Valentinism! The every woman's quest for passiom

The silliness of reality lies in its virtual episodes; which is about right, considering how I lived my life as an eccentric soul longing for conventionality! Now, I understand why most people would kill for such a quirky soul, but it is the nonstop chase after the faulty traditions that had me wondering; are people too hypnotized by what is safe, that a little harmless wildness of the heart would scare their much predictable lives? Or is it that social/financial climbing is recklessly hindering that they’re not opened for diversified people? I was, because that’s all in the past now, the diversified people who’s world wasn’t ready to accept and I didn’t have out of this world views, I swear that they were all affordable. My problem recaps in one word, PRE-DEFINED, that is my life, from the day I was born until the moment I peacefully leave this no-longer-fun earth...

It happens to every extraordinary woman when she has the one ordinary dream to enjoy Valentine’s with her man. Call it absurd; call it childish or whatever you may conceive, for it will always stay the fantasy all women of all ages await. I, on the other hand, never got the chance to come around what looks like an utter bliss, worse! I got, or to be more specific, forced to live against it!
My name is... Well, what difference will that make? Let’s just skip the casualties to get to the bundle of joy that is my uncanny life. I was raised in a more or less conservative, modern at some angles, family. Where ethics were a must, success was a bonus and no outbreaks were permissible! Like many people, I believed in Valentine’s, I was fascinated by the phony story as much as the real one and I honestly thought it was the greatest day of the year. Then life happened and it started messing with my head! Wavering between the overly rebellious anti-Valentieners and the obsessed, I somehow ended up believing in Anti-Valentienism! Don’t worry, it’s not a religion, I checked!
However, till that very moment, I’m not sure of the specific factors that contributed to such entrapment, but I remember, if my memory serves me right, the first time it happened as if it was just yesterday. It all started in middle school...

Shot in the prime of life!Yes, I was that young! Still, I was opened to new experiences and as much fun as any 12 year old girl can lever. But, I had exactly two problems; I’m in an all-girls school and the parental control that I suffered from for so long and just when I was about to believe it’s over, it was immediately replaced by a marital clout!
Back to my primal problem, the all-girls school: For those who have been lucky enough not to witness such torture, allow me to describe what it’s like being stuck in such a hardly feminine surrounding. Considering our young age, certain things were expected of us, including obedience, grace and poise!
All of which were available to the naked eye, but what lied beneath that fragile exterior was merely the opposite. As gossip was our sole entertainer during the much anticipated lunch break, girls futures were ruined as they’ll be forever more labelled with the s word, slut!
Although, those girls successful attempts to break free and date non-imaginary boys were extremely admirable. I feared for my own reputation and the welfare of the honourable future I was destined to have. But, at the same time, I couldn’t admit that to my friends, so I had to move to the other party, the anti-Valentiners! To tell you the truth, I craved the boy-girl celebrations but just couldn’t risk my life, it wasn’t worth it and that’s why I needed a stance. In middle school, anti-Valentieners weren’t as outspoken as they usually render later on in life, they don’t do flyers; they don’t construct web pages to demean the occasion nor curse out its believers. On the contrary, they worked in peace! Actually, they worked in two different directions; the first of which targeted the mind where they calmly expressed their beliefs, i.e their parents’, regarding the importance of a girl’s virgin-clean reputation and the blank history that can only be written by the hands of her husband. I was much relieved, back then, to know that there were other drama-junkies other than my own parents. Thus, I had all the right reasons to be an anti-Valentiener, and it was ensured when the second direction was in use. They would recall the adventures of a certain girl and try to predict her future! The horror stories told were enough to block my heart and mind forever. Valentine’s? What Valentine’s?!

Cheers to the girls crippled dreams!In an attempt to stand by my forcefully acquired beliefs, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Since it was my fresh start in the semi-grown up world of high school, it was only logical to start planning for my loveless future. Except that I found myself yet again tied down by this damn day! But this time it was different, there was no one around to judge my desperate gazes at the boy, nor my flaming envious peaks at the sparkling couple. On the contrary, I was harassed for being single! Well, at least THIS was new.
So, I was ready, the thought itself was too overwhelming that it emotionally drained me. I wanted to announce that I’m single, open and ready to mingle in a dignified way. One problem though; I had already established the kind-hearted nerd image, everyone was my friend and that was how guys in particular saw me, their helpful friend, not their girl-friend but rather a sexless person! It was too late now to go back and I already had my eyes set on a certain career, that even the boy couldn’t take my mind off it. Accepting this wretched truth helped me realize all the, literally, stupid things they did in preparations of the glorious Valentine’s Day. I remember Valentine’s to be barely a month away, and it was only time for their plans to transform into actions. The girls hooked up with the nearest moustache to save themselves the heartache of facing Valentine’s alone, others welcomed the once labelled looser guys for the sake of ripping their ex-s hearts out. While the boys went in the opposite direction, they wanted fresh meat on that day; accordingly, they broke up with their uptight currents to warm up for their prince-charming bits and whatever casualties this may bring! Of course they were few, normal couples scattered around with loving girls and guys ready to spend their last penny to see their babies’ smile. Despite them minding their own business, they weren’t spared the mocking, although I viewed them as the only sane, authentic people walking this school grounds. As well as the singles who didn’t believe in pretentious dating or in phony relationships statuses. But, much like my middle-school self, the singles joined the Anti-Valentieners, only this time they were overly rebellious; wearing anything but pink, making a clear statement with boorish quotes to stand their grounds. Both parties skipped classes and abandoned school two days before the day, working their plans and adding their final touches to perfection. Valentine’s came bearing frozen wind to cripple my dreams as well as the joy of others, the picture was complete with the repulsive scenery of the battling sectors each defending something that I know for a fact was only crucial to no one but them. And there I was, once again, mourning the death of a dream I once yearned for but now despise.

Who am I to argue with St.Valentine’s?!I fell for it once and I swore I wasn’t going to fall for it twice! By the time I was leaving the world of games for much mature humankind, I thought the worst was behind me. Everything was falling in its right place; I hardly succeeded in convincing myself that this whole Valentine’s hassle was not for me and that I was destined to have an ordinary uneventful life. Still, I refused to hold the Anti-Valentine’s flag high or any other motto for that matter. I simply, crossed the entire issue out of my agenda. Now all I can see is my career and the joy, I so desperately need my career to bring!
It’s the one thing that happens to all college girls; they evolve like butterflies from cocoons as the quick transition from dating to marriage takes place. Ever since my first year of college, I have been going to engagement parties and wedding ceremonies. I witnessed the girls of my generation as they threw their wildest dreams under the feet of love, marriage and kids. Many of my friends dropped out of school dedicating their full attention to their new centre of attraction, their men. And once again, it was time for Valentine’s which came slightly different that year as there was no room left for pretending to be with someone to rip the hearts out nor was pointless dating welcomed anymore. It could be because in the grown-up world everything must result in revenue and may be because we no longer have all the time in the world to waste it on failing relationships. All of which were obvious to the naked eye, as extravagant restaurants were replaced by less fancier ones, guys were looking for more economic gifts and girls didn’t mind pitching in checks. Valentine’s festivities done for the sake of bragging were no more, it was all about closeness and the fact that happy couples are still at least couples!
All of those sights and feelings caused my old dream back to resurface; I wanted that type of mature Valentine’s, the one based on noting but love and affection. Hold on a second; is this me falling for the same trap again?! Well, you know what they say; it’s hard to forget a scar!

Wherever I go, bad luck follows!As it is always the case with the likes of Helen of Troy, eligible bachelors rush to compete over their hearts and a lifetime of happiness with them. But since I’m no Helen of Troy and not even related to that league, my doorstep was always empty, my eligible bachelors were just men, merely commoners with simple dreams and tight minds. Due to all of the things that you exclusively know about my life and my ever so useless attempts to redeem it for a more exciting one, I don’t want just marriage; I want the relationship first and then come the marriage. Regardless of the numerous heartaches my mum faked each time I rejected, who she believes to be, my perfect match, all I want is someone to share my life and dreams with. And since I can’t tell whether I’m more of a practical or an emotional person, I don’t believe I’ll find Mr. right anytime soon! That being settled, I embarked my work life in a carefree attitude, with no expectations whatsoever. And so my days were lived, emptily, until one day, I saw him, he, a young thriving executive; sitting right there in front of me inquiring about bank loans. Putting aside the fact that I’m pretty sure I gave out all the wrong info, our relationship developed to a serious level. Yes, I’m in a relationship, with a successful smart man who appreciates companionship and doesn’t care what people think. At first, I felt so blessed to find someone who’s totally the opposite of all the snobbish guys I hated back in high school, but as our marriage happened quite fast yet smoothly, I was to spend Valentine’s Day as a rather married woman. Therefore, I looked forward to that day when I’ll finally get to enjoy it my way. Another good aspect about marriage is that I got to be a part of the couple’s world; we were invited to elegant soirees, weddings, dinner parties and my personal favourite horseback riding picnics. Feeling that I was living the life I’ve always wanted, I went to my husband with the goofiest smile ever and innocently asked him: “what are we going to do for Valentine’s? Should we do the accustomed dinner or steal two days of getaway heaven?”
Being in the wretched state I was, all I recall from his shocking reply is: “Are you serious? We are married now, Valentine’s happen each day, I don’t need something or someday to remind me of how much I love you. Plus, don’t you think this whole Valentine’s Day drama is silly, I mean where’s the specialness if I’m forced to celebrate my love for you on some day that has nothing to do with our special occasions?” I had to hide anywhere before the word vomit ate up what was left in my marriage. I took it all in as there was no space for me to grief, I had to swallow the sword and smile to the world!
Two weeks away from the Valentine’s I’ll never get to celebrate, one of married lady friends called me, all curious about our first Valentine’s as newlyweds! Of course I had to fake it, what else was I supposed to do? I repeated his words and worse supported his anti-Valentiener’s views!
My bitterness went away when I found her supporting his views and how, according to her, she envy me for not having to put up with the nerve-wracking dinner preparations and shopping for the non-existing perfect gift.
She really made me feel thousand times better and helped me realize that in the marital world such trivialities are not important. However, that same woman, called me screaming with pain to vent on how her loving husband totally forgetting about Valentine’s, came home EMPTY-HANDED!!

My final resurrection attempt
As grey hair started their colonizing mission, life got somehow slower, not easy but just slower. Major responsibilities were lifted off my shoulders and it was about time for me to enjoy what’s left of my irony-based world. Each year I hoped for my husband to surprise me with anything on my Day, but as I open the door with a big smile, I have to close it with a disappointed smile.
What’s wrong with me celebrating Valentine’s with the only man I’ve ever truly loved? Lots of people do, so why can’t I?! I don’t want to do it for the wrong reasons and I’m certainly not looking for the most romantic couples’ award. I know when I’m anti-Valentine and when I’m all for it. So, I decided to make it happen for me. As our kids headed out to celebrate their own Valentine’s, I planned the entire thing. I was looking for something simple, sweet and by all means romantic as hell. Hence, I set the scene, cooked the dinner, wore the right clothes, bought the perfect gift and waited for my husband. As soon as I heard his car horns calling for the doorman, I turned off the lights. I ran by the door and waited anxiously till he finds his keys and unlock the door. As soon as he opened the door, I screamed “Happy Valentine’s Day” He casually replied “Honey, what are you doing? We’re too old for this”!!

The deadly traits guaranteed to kill any relationship!

There’s no doubt in my mind that all people are capable of change. Giving the numerous ways of improvements and the endless second chances, I believe anything could be done.
But also considering that love’s blind, people tend to forgive anything regardless how painful it’s to get over a partner’s flaw, as long as it’s doable. To accept that and may be even aim for its improvement is nothing short of a heroic action. Yet there are some qualities- 3 to be specific- that one might think they can let go of but it is only time that can prove otherwise. And before you know it, you’ll be walking out of a relationship with a wound that of course will heal but is as well guaranteed to scar your future relationships.

For that I present to you the three deadly traits- in the unbiased way possible- that if found in any human being, you have to, absolutely have to break it off before it breaks you…

Deadly trait #1: Lying:
We can definitely all agree that relationships are all about trust, right? It’s just good sense, for how can you trust someone who’ve lied to you before?! Even if that special someone did apologize, promised and unconditionally crossed her/his heart to forevermore be honest. Deep down inside you’ll still be doubtful each time they open their mouths to speak. For you might think this is something that you can get over by time. Worse! You might start blaming yourself for not being able to forgive and forget!
The Lying I’m aiming at isn’t like “No, honey you look absolutely gorgeous in that dress” or “I’m ok with you spending more time with your friends, it gives me the space I need, Arghhhhhhhh!” Actually those are the essential white lies, but they’re the huge ones, the big relationship wreckers that you should and absolutely must worry about.
Thus, if you’re positive that your partner is a flat out liar, just walk away and never look back. All you have to do is picture a lifetime of happiness with someone who respects you enough to tell the truth or an endless suffering from a hopeless condition that will get you no where but straight to a mental institute. And the answer will pop itself automatically!

Deadly trait #2: Cheating:I’ll let you in a little story of someone I know. She, like many fresh graduates of her age, got engaged to a suitable suitor of whom she grew fond of rather quickly. Close to the wedding, the groom informed his future wife that he has to go on a business trip for only a week. Accordingly she packed all her emotions for just that day where she could show him how much he’ll be missed. She wrote every day and received his flaming letters with the cutest grin on her face while praying for him to come home safely for their fairytale to start. But fortunately for her, or so I see it, she saw him driving his car with some girl whom he was, let’s say, tickling! She got all confused, first she thought she had the wrong car, as he’s not expected back for another 3 days and he wrote back for God’s sake! But her first gift to him, a white teddy dangling for the rear-view mirror confirmed all her doubts. That guy was him, and it was clear to her that this thing that she once considered a relationship had to end.
Cheating is cutting for anyone, it’s such a slap on the face, especially if you’re giving your best and this is how you’re met. But it doesn’t matter if it’s a built-in trait or a new kicked in habit, it’s just not worth it. First, because this is the kind of condition where only small percentage makes it through but with the highest risk of relapse. Second, Do you think that living in a cynical cage for the rest of your life fun?! Just picture all the fuss about your sinking self-confidence and the invited fights. Picture each time you get introduced to a potential predator, or going away with friends. It’ll just too hectic and repulsive. For honestly, it’s preferable for people to be honest about their monogamy issues rather keeping it to their selves and for their partners to figure out later!

Deadly trait #3: SkimpingI’ve always assumed that the greatest pillar of love is sharing. And I consider the materialistic aspects of a relationship to be the most difficult. For this is when a person’s generosity is put to the test; especially in the most difficult time; when money is tight. Out of million considerations, it’s only reasonable to consider everything else offered in a relationship is free; the softening whispers, the overflowing feelings and the unconditional love for one another. But when it gets to outings and gifts that’s when you really get to know what your partner think of you with the unmistakable testimony where they prefer spending their last 5o pounds on you rather than keeping it to themselves. For those who have cheap partners, I’ve got two words for you, they’ll always be cheap and as if that’s not enough a skimping person is always selfish and materialistic. So unless you do something about it now, get ready for an enjoyable ride of some serious begging!

I normally don’t encourage people to break off a good relationship especially if they’re happy about it. But when it comes to those three, one always needs to find an exit door, preferably a fast short cut to it, for it’s not enough to leave; you have to do it fast!