How to fight off temptations?! (He Said She Said April '09)

The ordeal of dangled baits!

Time after time people have failed to define what’s so special about new things?! Is it the mystery, the fresh start, the anticipation or does it all come down to the matter of glittery boxes?! I for one have always believed that part of the enticement lays in the renewed chance for firsts and of course the sparkling swathe protecting it from predators eyes. Much like the affairs business, don’t you think? All complicated behind the scenes reasons aside, affairs have more to do with the carefully selected swathe! If you dare to disagree, allow me to remind you of my one dimensional theory which clearly states that when dealing with people while not living together, one tend to see only the charming, smiling, fun side. Thus, it’s only natural to fall for someone who you think never frown, doesn’t get angry as much and on top of all appreciate every little thing you do.

So to get this article started, you have to know that there are no guiding steps which you can follow and VOILA! The enticement spell is broken; in fact I find the tips spread around are much too theoretical to help.
That’s why ladies and gentlemen I give you the three facts everyone should know to avoid falling for the dangled baits trick, all of which have been extracted from humans before. Of course!
1. The cheating bone!
Although it’s a widely used, remarkably accurate figure of speech, well, it’s no longer just that! This has become an accredited fact that some people are born with a tendency to cheat or as the scientists committee politely puts it, are destined to have poor relationships. But of course it’s not literally a bone, it’s a gene actually titled the monogamy gene, allele 334. The more copies a person has of this monogamy gene, the more he’s up to cheat! I admit that it won’t be easy having a somehow normal relationship with such partner, for you constantly have to pick on the waves signaling that your relationship in going steady and thus you have to keep him/her interested and just too occupied to search for more.
2. Not getting it at home
No, I’m not talking about sex here because believe it or not sex, as in the mechanical action of lust, is not the trigger here. Women who believe that men go for prettier women or those who can satisfy their much flaming desires are not entirely right! By mentioning not getting it at home, I’m referring to the “I can’t win” complaint, meaning that he feels that whatever he’s trying to do to please you is not enough, that he’s not a man in your eyes and even that you’re not appreciating the little achievements he makes. Accordingly, he falls for the next woman who provides for the missing “you’re all man” factor. The same goes for women, who no longer get compliments, attention, care and a simple thank you once in a while. Thus end up falling for the same trap, the man with the sweet words…
3. The tell-tale signs
I came across those signs and figured that they’ll be an excellent addition to our “know it all selection”. Those are the tell-tale signs that your partner is cheating or is about to cheat, so beware!
a. Spends more time away from home: that’s the classic sign, but make sure first it’s not work or some necessary errands before you drive your partner out of this relationship yourself!
b. Having less intimacy: It’s like my mother always say, marriage is like a circle connected by many factors, once one slips out the circle can no longer be complete and the marriage is cracked!
c. Avoiding contact: One might interpret it as pure guilt; others may say it’s out of avoidance. I say it’s an alarming sign that your partner is slipping out of your life, learn what’s bothering him/her and quickly pull them in before someone else catch them in a weak moment and forever have them.
d. Nonstop criticizing: It really can’t get more obvious than this! Your partner is clearly not happy about something or things and is being verbal about them. Listen, pay extra attention, don’t accuse them of being difficult and stop turning a deaf ear.
Those signs as well as what I hope was important insights weren’t just to watch out for your partner or protect them from falling for the bait. Those were dedicated to you as well, if you have a cheating GENE in your body or not getting what you want from your relationship, first be honest with yourself about them, talk it through with your partner and create your own bait that you’d fall far each time…

5 Signs your guy is hooked on PORN

On another attempt to dive into the unseen side of guys, porn entered with the perfect entourage. Presenting a once in a lifetime chance to walk through such a thorny and private matter. Sex is crucial to men, hell it's like the number one definer of manhood. And not just in our culture, but it's wherever men go! A strong, hunky man must have at least one experience, girls dig that; they love dangerous skilled womanizers. Yet, how did they come about those skills is beyond a girl's mind. Or to be honest, it goes more like having a trail of women who were nothing compared to her self! Yes, women have huge egos to…

And that's where the problem resides, the limits of our imagination. Guys can lie, beautify disgusting acquaintances into a 007 steamy night and girls will believe that. Not because we're stupid, God knows we're not, but because we wish that this is how it happened. Not in a locked up room with downloaded x-rated movies! Porn, whether you like it or not, is a phase most guys pass by. It's enough to mention that 85% of porn web-browsers are men, which means your guy has only 15% chance for a legitimate alibi!

Why he does/like it is crucial to draw the fine line between just curiosity to "honey, I can't get enough!" First of all, most men don't regard "watching" porn as cheating, as they're not doing it with an actual person. In fact, porn to guys is nothing more than a stimulatory- relief tool. Unlike women, who upscale porn to the same level as having a mistress! Knowing this, porn is sometimes used by guys to grab their partners' attentions. So, if his porn-zone is out in the loose then he either doesn't care about your feelings anymore or he's trying to send you a clear message that he's craving some extra attention but he's certainly not plain dumb. However, guys might resort to porn out of boredom or as the easiest way to "breaking the habit". But, what might start out as nothing but a waste of time might very well turn into a life-wrecker, especially with those of addictive personalities. Where porn's transition hops from surfing the internet to an accustomed habit to an actual disastrous problem with no psychological addiction to watching nude people specifically but to the euphoric state "too much excitement" brings. And since you're the only one who can spot his reasons, then it's you who can detect the signs that your own guy is doing PORN…

1. All about his needs!
Ever since sex has been categorized as a manly right, guys' selfish reputations in bed have crossed all borders. Women were ranked based on their abilities to please him, pictured as a porn-like tool and enslaved for the very same reason. Generally speaking, it has been scientifically proven that sexual experiences based on only pleasing oneself, including porn, masturbation or paying for sex, yields selfish partners who only care about their needs and their satisfaction. So ladies, if your husbands' attentions have been shifted to themselves, let's just say you need to keep your eyes open!

2. Quality & Quantity
If your guy has resorted to porn, it's only logic to say that the sex frequency will be affected. And not necessarily less, as most guys view porn for excitement, not relief which means things may get steamier. The worst part though is that you're not the reason why he's overly worked. In fact, many women take the rise up as an indicator that their relationship is getting stronger, when the truth is that their men are just compensating for guilt feelings, also true when cheating, or simply getting off!

3. Privacy requested!
Isolation falls right into place when hooked up on porn. He no longer wants to go out, while encouraging you to "live your life". He's very secretive about his drawers, laptop and car. He lays off his friends to stay alone and of course switching off the screen when you walk in. So, don't brag about how your husband had changed to this open-minded creature. Your happiness is not his intention, it's whatever that can get you to stop breathing down his neck is what matter the most.

4. Sudden Swaps
Most men when having their minds set on the likes and dislikes of feminine features, it's pretty much hard to change. This means that if he swore all his life that he hates big boobs and now he seems to like them a bit too much, that's usually your queue for only 3 options:
a. He's seeing someone else with big boobs.
b. His favorite porn star is sporting humungous boobs
c. Your bell has stopped ringing for him, i.e. you don't turn him on anymore.

5. Laying off focus
Much like a thief who walks around accusing others of stealing, porn addicts do the same, mostly out of guilt. They want to feel better by pointing out everyone's flaws. And sometimes they want to pick your brains on the subject, see how you feel about this whole thing by telling their own story under someone else's name. Based on your reaction they'll either decide to tell you, go cold turkey or sink a little deeper in their porn-based lives…

Closure Chaos

Since there’s no such thing as a break-up manual, people usually go for the least stressful techniques. But homa doul eli gom yeka7aloha 3amoha bgd, because though that technique or strategy might seem harmless at first but the outcome is disastrous like you wouldn’t believe…

Never saw it coming!
Finally found someone who’s a real gentleman, one who provided her with the space she needs and still managed to be by her side. She loved him deeply that when he left for a- two weeks-job she decided to pay him back, so she went for a complete make-over and was dying to see the look on his face when he sees her… On the day of his arrival, he didn’t call, didn’t answer nor replied her messages. She considered all the possible excuses other than eno nafadlaha. She lingered for days even after she knew he’s fine and back to his normal life. She awaited that call but instead she received one from her friend consoling her for the break-up she never knew happened in the first place… It’s the way you end a relationship that determines how you’ll be remembered, she’ll always remember that guy who didn’t have the guts to tell her it’s over and you know how girls and gossips match thus I hope he meets someone else from a different continent because he’s pretty much done here!
Run for your liiiiiiiiiiiiifeeeeeeee!
Girls are not that comfortable with break-ups either, but we do have one privilege though, guys are less emotional so we wouldn’t have to deal with tears, may be screams! Thus the only way to avoid all the explanation is to trick him into breaking up with her, that way she’s the victim and he’s the cold-hearted monster L To do that, every single thing that’s a deal-breaker is in trial, starting with socializing with other guys to provocative clothes. If he turned out to be a cold blooded amphibian, there’s always spending more time with the girlfriends, shutting him out and of course the tough trio, whining, nagging and totally dependant, tears or no tears he can’t take it any longer, now the “we need to talk” part is in order and voila free as a bird with wala men shaf wala men dri!

El sara7a mesh ra7a!!When out of options, people tend to turn to honesty, thinking it’s the only salvation …WRONG!! If by honesty you’re aiming for a quite, noble break-up then you’re destined to a bitter fight. Here’s why, people who are deeply in love tend to get more disappointed, they feel betrayed and shocked when their partners announce they want out. I mean one bad news is enough for the day; you don’t have to over do it with el dameer elly s7y fag2a to thread all the flows and annoying facts that will make the one who loves you the most feels like the worst person alive! I say go for the simple “it’s not working for me” That should do the trick!!
Can’t let go! Perseverance is a great quality, but when it comes to a relationship where the other literally loathes you and you keep calling for 3 years da fara3’!
Loosing control over your emotions is sort of a given in closures but what happened to that guy is pure bad luck; he fell for this girl who’s very weird, into magic and spells. After sometime- lama faa2 ya3ny- he saw the incompatibility and it’s clear what he had to do. Shortly after he started having the worst nightmares ever that pushed him to insomnia, now he’s loosing his mind wondering if what’s happening to him is because of the spells or the mind games she’s always playing with him as she’s literally everywhere he goes. It’s never easy pushing people away but to stop them from messing with your head… Good luck with that!

Enty tstahly 27san meny!!This is hilarious bgd… A guy is breaking-up with his girlfriend, not because of her intolerable qualities but because he fears for her well-being!
He said that he’s willing to sacrifice his happiness for her, that he cares too much about her and fears that his over flowing love is going to hurt her!!
Allow me this question, if ever a girl meets a guy who puts her needs ahead of his will she ever let him go?? NO!! That guy’s everything she’s been looking for! Of course she’ll be sticking to him like glue, supporting him through whatever his imaginary problems were cause that’s the least he deserves. Instead of a break up he got trapped because he’s acted like a rare male breed when his not, 2olna el kdb 5eba!

Danger Alert! Someone has an eye for my man! (Feb'09 Insight magazine)

As young ladies, we swore to always stick together, help each other out and never let a guy come in between. But that didn’t last long; did it? He managed to get in the way, picked out his favorite girl, leaving the other heartbroken and reeks of insecurity. Then the shattered girl stands up; finds herself another friend who swears to never let a guy come in between. Yet once again, another he shows up, crush their sacred bond with his charming smile and fraud promises leaving the other girl crippled for life!

While witnessing the recurrence of the exact same story over and over again, all I could think about is that it’s no surprise women’s rivalry is that obvious! We’ve been fouled, manipulated and used by each other before men did. The hard to miss insecurities had already formed a blinding fold unto our hearts, minds and souls. And this is how women’s properties have become an easy catch for their fellow others, nothing is off-limit! Properties can range from earrings to men, as long as they can get them, they want them, end of story!

It’s a completely different scene when two women are competing to win the heart of a man than when a woman is trying to steal YOUR man! It happens all the time, to every woman regardless of her beauty, delicacy or femininity.
Now you can be all about I’m irreplaceable and no one can mess with me, or be willing to open your eyes, watch whoever is aiming at your man and act fast before you’re hit with a mistress in your face!

Regardless of the fact that you might be seeing your man as a jerk who owns nothing but flaws, there are definitely other women who perceive him as the perfect man. So, let’s pick their brains for a moment here and learn the reasons why they would want your man?!

1. When a woman reaches a certain stage of desperation, she adopts some behavior trends and attitudes that she would not normally do. Thus it becomes her thing to flirt with any guy, dress in a ridiculously revealing way, do spontaneous shocking actions to steal the attention and tip off sexual notions in any context. And it’s too obvious for women only, men on the other hand are much distracted with watching to analyze any of this. So, she might not be after your man specifically, she’s after any man who can get her out of the desperation hole.

2. Committed men in general whether faithfully or traitorously posses this weird vibe that attracts the single ladies. Exactly like the forbidden fruit, he’s mysterious, tempting yet out of reach. As if their wedding bands scream out, I’m a rare breed of men, I can commit! And by looking at the previously mentioned issues women have with disloyalty, for them these men are worth the trouble and the compromise.

3. You are the reason why your man is being eyed! You are too beautiful, too sexy, too feminine, and too perfect to be true that women out of jealousy and most probably your snobbish attitude wants to break you. They want to prove they can steal your man off your wrist and thus smash your perfection!

4. I don’t believe in platonic friendships but before you disagree with me, let’s picture your husband working with a single vibrant woman 5 days a week, 8 hours each day. It’s inevitable that they’ll be friends, he will be her confidant who will lend her both of his ears when she needs to vent out about the cruel that is life! I’m not saying that your man is unfaithful or that every coworkers must end up in bed. But as I always say, affairs begin when only the photogenic side of the person is displayed! Your man can’t be rude to her as he is to you, he can’t tell her he doesn’t have time for this nonsense and certainly he can’t yell at her. Accordingly, she thinks of your man as the only sane male left on this earth, can you blame her now?!

Trust comes out as the sole relationship breaker or maintainer; some would say that as long as I trust him, I don’t need to worry about who is eyeing him. But if I don’t, out of his previous slips, my insecurities or the fact that I know what other women are capable of then goodbye to sleep and hello eye bags!
What I usually do in such circumstances is that I first watch how he reacts around her, does he notice she’s coming on to him, is he enjoying it or is he breaking her desperate vibes and not because I’m just there?!

Every woman knows her man inside out; she can tell you instantly if he’s a flirt or an honest man. But sometimes because she doesn’t want to believe that he can betray her this easy, she’ll deny it until it happens right in front of her!

So let’s say it did happen, you spotted the b^$# who wants your till- this- moment- faithful man. You have one decision to make first before taking action, either to bring it up to his attention that another woman is craving him, which of course serves his ego right, or zip it so you can secretly take matters into your own hands.

For now, let’s just say that you decided to keep this matter to yourself, then, you have two options:
a. fiercely look back at her many times to let her know you noticed her nasty behavior.
b. If she’s someone you know, express that you’re uncomfortable with the way she acts around your man and that if she keeps on acting that way then you can no longer be friends.

That’s the as far as your dealing with the intruding woman goes, now over to the first option where you decided to tell him about the incident. As a rule of thumb, never ever never yell at him or accuse him for something he never did and turn his life into a nightmare just because you’re jealous. Be smart; entice him, love him more, upgrade yourself the way your man likes, listen to his wants and needs and be there for him like you never did. Then laugh about it together, you are the one who should fulfill his ego not anyone else, compliment him, tell him how blessed you are to have him in your life, all of course should be dosed up to scale so as not to turn him into a peacock. Taking extra care of your man is something that you should do whether you chose to tell him or not. Because if you start with the whys, how’s and the whole accusation fiesta then you’ll definitely lose him, if not for the woman you spotted, he’ll end up with another one and you don’t want that!

It’s hard to play happy on the outside when you’re all worried on the inside, I should know, I’ve been there, but it takes work, wittiness and wisdom to make any relationship work. If you want him and you are utterly confident that he is worth all that then don’t slug off so as not to suffer with the what if’s for the rest of your life.

Mental Affairs

As human beings we like to believe that as long as our sins are unseen, then as far as we’re concerned, they’ve never happened! May be it is just easier that way, in the self-healing process. I mean it’ll be easier to forgive oneself as long as it’s only you who is pushing the blame button rather than the added exterior selves sharing in the guilt process. Accordingly, the defining moment where a person chooses to feel remorseful depends on his own evaluation of a situation worthy of being called a sin, which again could be very troubling or very alleviating.

It all starts when the going gets an itsy bit rough. Like in every relationship, it could be a fight, a misunderstanding or utter boredom that gets your mind working for other possibilities. In that very moment, which by the way everyone refuse to label as cheating, one finds his peace. But sadly that peace comes with someone else! We’ve all been there; the only difference is that some of us might dismiss the thought immediately while others cave in for the temporary joy.
The reason why all of us hate to refer to those moments as cheating is because there’s no physical action to prove it. It’s all just a bunch of thoughts that- I want to be optimistic and say most of us- don’t want to do anything about. It’s like a relieving mechanism, to think about someone you used to know, like an old love that wasn’t meant to complete. So you give it that honor only in your head. Unfortunately not every thought goes to people you used to know, like or even love. Sometimes it’s the closeness that creates the problem!

Let me walk you through it with a story about a woman who married the love of her life. But as time went by unconditionally of course, inviting the unwanted routine, she- unaware of it- got attached to chatting with a co-worker. And like every such story, it all happened every time she had a fight with her husband or was simply complaining about his diminishing interest in her. Now, I don’t know if the other man’s intentions where pure or not, but he started talking about how special she is and you know the drill. But she being a good woman as she is, it finally hit her that she was sharing her inner most thoughts and concerns with someone else other than her man, so she had to go cold turkey and get rid of that addiction. Despite the fact that she switched departments and got over him entirely, she still refuses to call what happened back then “cheating”. Her explanation is that she was going through some horrible time; he was there to comfort and nothing more.

Apart from me believing that no good could come from a man and a woman spending too much time together even as friends, this was cheating. Whether it happened while awake or daydreaming, it still counts as betrayal. For if ever I learnt that my partner had someone else in mind, even if for a split of a second, I would be devastated and I’m thinking so would he. So let’s just be thankful that our minds are the only places where no one, no matter how good they are, can go into without knocking!

However, all jokes aside, it is a serious matter that we all do at some point during the day where we turn into what ifs. How different my life would be if I married x instead of y? Or in severe cases what if I was never married?!

Thus it would be much more appropriate to invest the time spent wondering in the relationship itself. But first you got to move as far away as possible from the source of distraction whether physically or mentally. In other word, distract yourself from the distraction! Second you must, absolutely must, spend some time reflecting on the reason that pushed you this far. Then, comes the final step, where you get to talk with your partner to implement the necessary changes.
Although the solution seems so simple, tucked into these small lines, talking about it is easier said than done. For temptations lay everywhere and with the aid of the factor that is tough relationships, you do the math. Only this is the type of thing you have to consistently fight and push away. It’s hard having to go through those steps every time you sense a mental affair is about to hit. But if this is the kind of effort you have to exert to keep a relationship you want, then it’s worth the trouble. Just keep one thing in mind, the more you love your partner, the easier it’s to let go of any crawling disruptions.

The deadly traits guaranteed to kill any relationship!

There’s no doubt in my mind that all people are capable of change. Giving the numerous ways of improvements and the endless second chances, I believe anything could be done.
But also considering that love’s blind, people tend to forgive anything regardless how painful it’s to get over a partner’s flaw, as long as it’s doable. To accept that and may be even aim for its improvement is nothing short of a heroic action. Yet there are some qualities- 3 to be specific- that one might think they can let go of but it is only time that can prove otherwise. And before you know it, you’ll be walking out of a relationship with a wound that of course will heal but is as well guaranteed to scar your future relationships.

For that I present to you the three deadly traits- in the unbiased way possible- that if found in any human being, you have to, absolutely have to break it off before it breaks you…

Deadly trait #1: Lying:
We can definitely all agree that relationships are all about trust, right? It’s just good sense, for how can you trust someone who’ve lied to you before?! Even if that special someone did apologize, promised and unconditionally crossed her/his heart to forevermore be honest. Deep down inside you’ll still be doubtful each time they open their mouths to speak. For you might think this is something that you can get over by time. Worse! You might start blaming yourself for not being able to forgive and forget!
The Lying I’m aiming at isn’t like “No, honey you look absolutely gorgeous in that dress” or “I’m ok with you spending more time with your friends, it gives me the space I need, Arghhhhhhhh!” Actually those are the essential white lies, but they’re the huge ones, the big relationship wreckers that you should and absolutely must worry about.
Thus, if you’re positive that your partner is a flat out liar, just walk away and never look back. All you have to do is picture a lifetime of happiness with someone who respects you enough to tell the truth or an endless suffering from a hopeless condition that will get you no where but straight to a mental institute. And the answer will pop itself automatically!

Deadly trait #2: Cheating:I’ll let you in a little story of someone I know. She, like many fresh graduates of her age, got engaged to a suitable suitor of whom she grew fond of rather quickly. Close to the wedding, the groom informed his future wife that he has to go on a business trip for only a week. Accordingly she packed all her emotions for just that day where she could show him how much he’ll be missed. She wrote every day and received his flaming letters with the cutest grin on her face while praying for him to come home safely for their fairytale to start. But fortunately for her, or so I see it, she saw him driving his car with some girl whom he was, let’s say, tickling! She got all confused, first she thought she had the wrong car, as he’s not expected back for another 3 days and he wrote back for God’s sake! But her first gift to him, a white teddy dangling for the rear-view mirror confirmed all her doubts. That guy was him, and it was clear to her that this thing that she once considered a relationship had to end.
Cheating is cutting for anyone, it’s such a slap on the face, especially if you’re giving your best and this is how you’re met. But it doesn’t matter if it’s a built-in trait or a new kicked in habit, it’s just not worth it. First, because this is the kind of condition where only small percentage makes it through but with the highest risk of relapse. Second, Do you think that living in a cynical cage for the rest of your life fun?! Just picture all the fuss about your sinking self-confidence and the invited fights. Picture each time you get introduced to a potential predator, or going away with friends. It’ll just too hectic and repulsive. For honestly, it’s preferable for people to be honest about their monogamy issues rather keeping it to their selves and for their partners to figure out later!

Deadly trait #3: SkimpingI’ve always assumed that the greatest pillar of love is sharing. And I consider the materialistic aspects of a relationship to be the most difficult. For this is when a person’s generosity is put to the test; especially in the most difficult time; when money is tight. Out of million considerations, it’s only reasonable to consider everything else offered in a relationship is free; the softening whispers, the overflowing feelings and the unconditional love for one another. But when it gets to outings and gifts that’s when you really get to know what your partner think of you with the unmistakable testimony where they prefer spending their last 5o pounds on you rather than keeping it to themselves. For those who have cheap partners, I’ve got two words for you, they’ll always be cheap and as if that’s not enough a skimping person is always selfish and materialistic. So unless you do something about it now, get ready for an enjoyable ride of some serious begging!

I normally don’t encourage people to break off a good relationship especially if they’re happy about it. But when it comes to those three, one always needs to find an exit door, preferably a fast short cut to it, for it’s not enough to leave; you have to do it fast!