Mommy; where do babies come from?! (CONVO March'09)

First off, you have to know that I've been trying too hard to keep my distance from conventional introductions to such topic but it seems that when one fears something the most, it scurries relentlessly back to him! And so it hit me that I have to put it out there in the universe, as to may be, just may be, they can let me be. Hence, for the sake of exorcising the tedious demons here goes the most boring intro, which by the way you're more than welcome to skip:
Curiosity comes as a natural human trait characterizing healthy observant individuals thus it's very common for children to develop particular interest in the world around them especially their own origin. "Mommy; where do babies come from?!" is thee question we've all asked our parents one day and looking forward to more alike ones from our future children…

That being finally said, I can now breathe lightly and start up the mockery! Smart huh?
Moving on, while deliberately refraining from my previous slip, I want to share with you how I got the idea. Ever since I was introduced to the term Sexology back in 2004, I had this urge to learn how parents, in Egypt, handle such sticky question. Back then facebook ceased to exist thus all I could do was a simple raw questionnaire asking people if they knew what the term sexology meant? Of course I don't need to mention Egyptian's extraordinary abilities to make up stories, so you can probably imagine the type of answers I got. We fast forward to 2009 where facebook remains as human's greatest invention, I was finally able to ask different people of different ages from different backgrounds what did their mothers tell them when asked, Mommy; where do babies come from?!

To list the answers just like that won't convey the awesomeness of the stories; accordingly I shall arrange them according to frequencies. One, being the most and six, being the least used! Enjoy…
1. When two get married, they pray God so hard to bless them with a baby and as soon as God sees that they are good people who got married, He blesses them with a child! (The typical Egyptian story)
2. There's this baby market where only legitimately married couples can enter and buy as much babies as they please. (If only it was this easy)
3. You go to a supermarket, buy a seed, plant it in a pot and when it's all ripened up, it blossoms to a beautiful little baby (Wasn't that how the creepy tiny Thumbelina came to the world?!)
4. When a boy kisses a girl, she becomes pregnant and a baby is born, so don't ever let a boy kiss you. (And people wonder why we have sexophobia!)
5. We went to a pharmacy where the pharmacist pulled out a pill and handed it to me, I took it, you grew in my tummy and nine months later you were born. (Oh My God, the Janice way)
6. Watch "Look, who's talking" (That's really smart!)

Of course that's only as far as kids who have enough guts to discuss such prohibited topic with their parents go as well as the parents who prefer fictional stories over the truth. For there are many who were too shy to ask the question and consequently to this day their parents still brag about their super parenting skills as they never had to deal with that embarrassing moment, if only they know!
Similarly there are many parents who overlooked that question and took their children's shutting up about it as a sign that they let the subject go. Again, if only they knew! Simply because people talk, at school the so called bad kids mix with the good kids and voila the genie is out of the box…
Well, I hate repeating clichés but it's inevitable for me to say that people will eventually get to the info they desperately seek. Whether it's wrong or right, affecting or effecting that's what I personally find important. As many of the people I asked who couldn't bring their natural curiosities to their parents, ended up looking for books, watching movies of which you know the nature of or searched the web for decently portrayed truth. The results of which appear in the form of undeniable scars for life, sexophobia, uncontrollable urges, ruined marriages or unnecessary experiences!

The serious talk
Once again I find myself calling for sexual education which I believe should start from Kindergarten! Yes, that early giving the numerous sexual harassments a child is exposed to from the least threatening people; the maids, the swimming coaches and even the doctors. It shouldn't include much info as not to cause real damage but just emphasis on the fact that no one is allowed to enter a bathroom with you, see or touch the genital area. Send the message out of love, care and religious preaching not out of freaking them out! And so as they grow up they'll start wondering why boys wear pants while girls wear dresses, you can simple mention the different qualities separating boys from girls. Saying that boys are more muncho than girls, they prefer running around, play football and so God designed them for more labor work. While girls are sweet, they walk nicely, love their dolls and so God designed them for being mothers. And so by following this trend, their appetite for more info will be directed to a clearer path making the next best question where do babies come from? But before I tell you what I think should be the answer, many of my friends who kindly replied to my question swore off to tell their kids nothing but the truth and I agree! Yet in an age appropriate manner. How? The three year old child, although asking the exact same question as the 6 year old, isn't looking for the same answer though! So, by asking children questions about what exactly do they want to know, an answer can be given. For example, if from where did you get my sister question was asked, answer with the truth, because I love your father deeply and we did the right thing by getting married and living together forever, God blessed us with you then with her. Fair enough! You see, it all comes down to expressions and level of clarity, use the right words and the amount of info they should know, may be even get them children pregnancy books but never lie so as not to one day be faced with the fact that your drama is repeating itself again in the form of your child!

The 6 traits marking Egyptian Mothers (Identity March '09)

Whilst welcoming motherhood with open arms, each mom prepares the to-do and not-to-do list as a helpless attempt to escape the horrendous mistakes their very own Egyptian mothers had made. They try too hard to break away from the accustomed parenting techniques that all else fails but the dreadful ones they once loathed. That is when the mothers start to wonder whether the problem lies in their kids, their inability to manage their discipline or is it just pure Karma?!
But the truth of the matter is, none of our mothers had the privilege of receiving parenting courses before delivering us to life and so the tragedy continues with each dabbling her way to proper upbringing while unconsciously maintaining the 6 traits marking Egyptian mothers…

Gossip-based parenting!Generally speaking, people find themselves at loss for words all the time, there’s nothing shameful or boorish about that. Just like those jiffies when the very same people get bored of hearing scandalous stories that they cleverly cover the boiling veins with an excuse to answer the door as to not miss the chance for a recite! However, Egyptian mothers drastically differ from the bespoken human nature because of two reasons:
1. The Socio-code which states that even though work has been once again restored as the final independence attempt on the middle-eastern women’s side, mothers are still, to this day, ripped off blindly from this right under the name of motherhood. Once blessed with a child, every working mother receives the look denoting consuming blames for this heartless selfish creature who chose career above her child! And so, after only a few brainwashing sessions, the mother voluntarily quits her life- sought career and settle for the higher status of a stay at home mommy. I’m not saying that all women quit their jobs voluntarily, nor that stay at home moms are less of achievers. It is the socio-code that specifies stay at home moms as the only accepted Egyptian mothers!
2. The Socio-code after mass forcing the now accepted Egyptian mothers to fill their plentiful spare times with requesting the chitchats they cheated and an extra bonus of believing whatever they’re told.
Accordingly, one may come to a credible finale on why almost all Egyptian mothers manage to see nothing but the dark side of their children. It only takes two stories of a daughter slipping into a secret illegitimate relationship and a son replacing his future with drugs to get the inspection process started! Suspecting every move, sniffing around for clues and re-evaluating the company along their children to manage the fears and put all doubts to rest. Of course by that time, the mother and child relationship would have gone irreversibly south and one would wonder why kids of today don't talk to their parents anymore!

When over protection prevails!Following up on the Socio-Code and the fact that Egyptian females are born to sacrifice their all for their families' welfare, overprotection comes as the next expected step. It's only inevitable, since moms all over the world are being judged based on their care-giving abilities. Egyptian mothers, on the other hand, surpass the maximum capabilities to jump straight into the-breathing-down-the-neck zone as to rest their consciousness assure from the worry of not watching over their kids enough. And because children come as the apple of their mothers' eyes, they are the ones who truly suffer from the excessive love, undue attention and endless disciplinary talks. Since as a society, we believe that the more attention you squander the more conservative your offspring will be! Hence, as far as I've witnessed, overprotected children come in three editions;
a. Too spoiled to handle individuality
b. Too anxious to explore the restricted pleasures
Or c. too clogged with rules to allow indiscretion
And so, I hereby come to the conclusions that overprotection yields no psychologically healthy individuals

All deserves punishment but my child!One might falsely assume that the overprotection issue ends with a child growing up. Complete nonsense! Pull up a chair and pop up the corn for misery is about to start, specifically around the same time as developing identities! Simply because this is the dangerous age, as named by some mothers, where scrutiny is a must and privacy is prohibited. Consequently, a child is never allowed to have a life on his/her own, there's no such thing as private phone calls, no such thing as diaries and locking doors is just out of question! So, as a result of the 24/7 watch, any mother would be reluctant to believe that her carefully brought up child could screw things up! That's why a defense campaign never fails to start when her perfect angel is met with accusations. A mother would typically use two weakening weapons on such occasions; her tears and her screams! How many mothers have we seen on TV crying their eyes out and calling for heaven's justice for their children who most of the times end up convicted? Their sound attempts and tireless voices have always confused me, even when all hands point to no one but their children, they're still standing still. Only one of the disappointed mothers brought this whole matter to my attention when she pleaded for another trial reasoning the fact that she's utterly sure of her child's manners, that the holiest of holy people might do wrong but her son won't, that others might deserve punishment but her son don't for she spent her sweat and blood for his wellbeing and there're not enough words to convince her otherwise!

Food is For how much I love you!It's the Egyptian trademark, food conveys love! That's right, if an Egyptian woman want to own her Egyptian husband she should cook for him, if an Egyptian wife want to impress her in-laws, she should surprise them with a complicated self-made meal and if an Egyptian family wishes to welcome a guest, they do so by stuffing him/her with food. Accordingly, it comes as no surprise when a mother chooses to express her endless, unconditional love for her own child with food?!
And along comes childhood obesity, lack of self-control, harsh requirements for the woman he'll one day hurt by marriage, eternal fattening food for the husband and so food becomes the only way of communication. Because despite of what I can call a rising time for awareness, when a child is not seen as a ball rolling on the floor, a mother is not considered dedicated enough, careless or even poor! It doesn't matter if that mother dreams of raising her kids healthily and is determined to save them the long tiring road of weight loss by controlling their cravings. No! She has to feed him/her till they vomit, after all that's the only acceptable way of showing ones love, talking gives a headache, showering with gifts turn the child spoiled, planning for his/her future is a lack of faith but food gives healthy bloody cheeks!
- The guilt-driving parenting technique
Almost every mother raised her kids by means of fear, fear from God, fear from the parents, fear from the people, fear from the bogyman and fear from rotten food. That way, the error expectancy can crushed down to almost zero, of course that's just what they think, and if the child ever decides to go wild on them they can bring some sense in him/her by the means of the guilt-driving technique!
Certainly, the technique varies between Egyptian mothers; however, there are certain approaches that lie in common. The likes of the look that's enough to melt the skin off my face, the how could you after all what I've done for you, too dramatic for forgetting to set off the silent application and of course the speech! The speech is what you can call a full house, first it starts with an alluring drag to a private quite room, afterwards as the child innocently sits down the look come off to pound his/her heart and then a storm of words comes as a paved road for the punishment that lies ahead. This is the traditional, direct and most used guilt technique. The indirect one is actually pretty smart where the mother would drop in uninvited criticizing comments regarding anything and everything. Ranging from the never appealing wardrobe selection to parenting skills, all under the umbrella of because I fear for you!

The anti-talking factorWhoever planted the belief that parenting only involves preaching should be shot! As, to this day, the talking factor in most families ceases to exist. Looking at this parental silence from the parents' zone, you'll find that all the talking circulates around orders, preaching, studying, curfews, allowance and of course criticizing. And from the kids' zone, you'll also notice that all that is considered worthy of discussing with parents are curfews, allowance and groundings. Therefore, communication only happens when financial or social needs have to be met, but what about the psychological humanitarian side?! Doesn't happen as both parties are trying to avoid awkward conversations, awkward silence and awkward looks! May be it's the kids' fault for not opening up to their parents about their worries, however, I choose to burden this huge problem over the parents' shoulders, especially the moms for not approaching their children, scarring them away with punishments and judgments! Can you believe it? A mother judging her own child for developing natural curiosity that she once developed! It happens, happened and will continue happening as long as parenting is limited to financial terms.
Not only that, but it spreads to the gender of the child, if he's a boy then the world dances with joy to the baby boy who's growing up to be a man! Yet, if she's a girl, fear and silence stretch to the earth's poles over the girl who'll grow to be… a not so good girl!

216 years later and it still is a man's world!

It’s been almost 216 years since calling for women’s rights happened, giving millions of women their voices back. Its cogent consequences left no one but to take notice of the magnificent changes women have embarked today. The simplest of which, that women have utterly evolved from bodily concerns to astounding mental capabilities that would – and no I'm not exaggerating- put any man to shame!

20 years in the making had me believing in women’s potentials, verbalized my ever so spoken refusal for ending up as another “desperate housewife” and translated my self-worth into irrefutable actions. Despite the fact that my futuristic aspirations are relentlessly changing, they all have one thing in common though, it’s that I don’t want to be held back for I need to explore my horizons, familiarize my capacities and achieve what I was meant to attain. But regardless of every career-oriented thought I've ever have, never have I once felt the superiority of men in anything. In fact, I consider the whole thing to be a balanced process to which men and women equally contribute, with no favors held or ranking records kept. For, this is how I see things, my brother gets to stay out as late as he wants, and I get bigger allowance, I get to have my girlfriends over for a dancing contest anytime while his friends’ visits are constantly restricted because “he has a sister”. Although there comes a time in every girl’s life when she wishes she was born a guy so as to enjoy all the privileges. But as tempting as that may sound, I’ve always had this pitiful feeling towards guys, for they are forced to take over a responsibility that is too heavy for one person to bear. While women simply work because they want to and raise their kids because they love to and not because they’re forcibly compelled to do so.

A quick run through my background was necessary for you to feel the irony in what I’m about to tell you…
Not so long ago, I was reluctantly staying in my car waiting for my friend to show up so we can make it to that meeting on time. But after 10 min of pure boredom, there was no sign of her, so I wrathfully called her for the millionth time to hurry things up, after all it’s only a meeting not an after party! On the other hand she being a total klutz lost her apartment keys and had to look for them in order for us to go which means more free time for me to kill! She lived in a well lit street, on top of a busy supermarket with sluggish but sometimes useful security guards. Thus there was no room for me to worry about anything especially that I’m used to locking myself in the car even before starting the engine. But ever since I hit that parking lights, I turned down the radio for I didn’t want to stir any focus and kept an eye on the side mirror to watch out for any “male predator” passing by the car.
See if it was anyone else but me, this probably would mean nothing, but that particular situation put me in a wrestle self-loathing state for days! I was personally astounded by my own fear for if it was of any indication, it’s that I’m a phony person, a hypocrite, someone who talks but doesn’t implement or rather calls for something that she dreads!
Why the overreaction? Because at the moment when I realized what I was doing, how I was panicking and counting the seconds till I can drive away, all I could think of was, God how weak am I?
I came to notice that I was busy fighting aged traditions and off beam beliefs only from the surface, I was crammed with achieving a certain image, a successful career woman who is independent and strong. But I couldn’t find that independency when I had doubts about myself and I definitely wasn’t strong enough when I was teetering at the sight of any “mustache” passing by. To be honest, I was beyond disappointed, for if I truly believed that men and women are equal, I could never have felt that way or even bothered to glimpse whoever is walking by, but it is all part of the frame, some reckless words that we just mumble out to discharge the residues of the male dominance era that up till that moment haven’t been fully eradicated.

Well, allow me these questions, is it enough for women to attend self-defense classes and carry around pepper sprays to feel safe? Is that the awaited salvation?
Which is more important, gaining our public rights where we’re entitled to exactly as any man is, or believing that we are not created to be dominated by men even on the emotional level?
When will our society understand that men are to provide security not intimidation and for women to stop being intimidated by men?And finally the same old question, on which basis can equality be defined, is it when a women feels she has all her rights handed down to her or is it when a man stops thinking of women as the weaker sex?! Because it seems that regardless of our social standards or academic achievements, we still have that si el sayed and Ameena plot planted tightly in our Egyptian roots.