How to act around smooching couples?! (He Said She Said magazine Feb'09)

The ordeal of saving face!

As long as you’re taking socializing seriously, this is the one situation you’re bound to face and put up with! It doesn’t matter if you’re single or committed, for there comes a time when you’re left alone to face two people madly in love and are all over the place! You feel more like a third wheel, an uninvited intruder who is so unwanted that they’d have kicked you out of their zone if it wasn’t for manners and that fact that they specifically insisted that you should come along! Ring a bell?! That’s what I thought…
But if you think that it’s only single woman’s curse, think again or better yet remember the times you had to be dragged around with your best friend so he can meet up with the woman of his dreams. And if you’re saying that such obscene situation can never happen to you since you’re committed and all, well, allow me to disagree! As you double date with your bestest friends, you might be going out for the sake of a fun couply evening, filled with goofy stories about your relationships while they might be looking for a company who won’t judge their sweet smooching style! Got the point?!
So, we have to, absolutely have to; do something about that entrapment and as always I hereby promise to provide you with nothing but 100% tested tips on how to save your face, all of which have been tried on humans before!

Here go two approaches to act about those smooching couple:
1. Get involved! (My favorite!)A. Ambush them with “Oh, you guys are too cute together”
It’s simple, guaranteed and gives you the power to turn the evening upside down.
How?! Follow my lead…
You have to set your goal, if you want an all romantic evening filled with stories about fairies and cupid then ask this:
“What was your first impression when you saw each other?” and let them bore you out with features assured to turn your stomach. But if you’re looking for a fun, wicked night to remember, throw in the ultimate silence breaker: “What’s the one thing you hate about each other?” done and done!
B. Share your memories
It isn’t possible for you to spend the night listening, no one is that generous. So, you need to grab their attention, give them something to think about and compare their relationship to your own! It’s your chance to diversify the talking issues from break-ups to hook ups from the worst date to the one you regret loosing, the sky is your limits as long as you’re having fun.
C. The hot plate factor
Everyone loves to brag about their expertise especially those of human nature, spill some of your controversial views about dating and you’ll pull a remarkable debate interesting enough to put Oprah to shame!

2. Express the Grudge!I truly can’t blame you if all you want is to scream at their lusting faces, it is the easiest most direct ways to tell them you’ve had it with them ignoring you and you can, but in less pathetic way!
Here are your options:
A. You can silently thank God for internet phones that allow you to chat with YOUR people wherever you want and keep you busy.
B. You can indulge in the mouthwatering fudge you’ve always wanted to try that will sweep your mind off people.
C. Challenge yourself with extra difficult Sudoku
D. Take a walk with your thoughts around the place, to the bathroom or wherever you may want to explore
E. Or you can make an obvious statement with rude comments

Warning: Even with all the –look how mad I am- attempts, it’s still not guaranteed to work, for you know how people in love are with the “lost in the moment” attitude.

Danger Alert! Someone has an eye for my man! (Feb'09 Insight magazine)

As young ladies, we swore to always stick together, help each other out and never let a guy come in between. But that didn’t last long; did it? He managed to get in the way, picked out his favorite girl, leaving the other heartbroken and reeks of insecurity. Then the shattered girl stands up; finds herself another friend who swears to never let a guy come in between. Yet once again, another he shows up, crush their sacred bond with his charming smile and fraud promises leaving the other girl crippled for life!

While witnessing the recurrence of the exact same story over and over again, all I could think about is that it’s no surprise women’s rivalry is that obvious! We’ve been fouled, manipulated and used by each other before men did. The hard to miss insecurities had already formed a blinding fold unto our hearts, minds and souls. And this is how women’s properties have become an easy catch for their fellow others, nothing is off-limit! Properties can range from earrings to men, as long as they can get them, they want them, end of story!

It’s a completely different scene when two women are competing to win the heart of a man than when a woman is trying to steal YOUR man! It happens all the time, to every woman regardless of her beauty, delicacy or femininity.
Now you can be all about I’m irreplaceable and no one can mess with me, or be willing to open your eyes, watch whoever is aiming at your man and act fast before you’re hit with a mistress in your face!

Regardless of the fact that you might be seeing your man as a jerk who owns nothing but flaws, there are definitely other women who perceive him as the perfect man. So, let’s pick their brains for a moment here and learn the reasons why they would want your man?!

1. When a woman reaches a certain stage of desperation, she adopts some behavior trends and attitudes that she would not normally do. Thus it becomes her thing to flirt with any guy, dress in a ridiculously revealing way, do spontaneous shocking actions to steal the attention and tip off sexual notions in any context. And it’s too obvious for women only, men on the other hand are much distracted with watching to analyze any of this. So, she might not be after your man specifically, she’s after any man who can get her out of the desperation hole.

2. Committed men in general whether faithfully or traitorously posses this weird vibe that attracts the single ladies. Exactly like the forbidden fruit, he’s mysterious, tempting yet out of reach. As if their wedding bands scream out, I’m a rare breed of men, I can commit! And by looking at the previously mentioned issues women have with disloyalty, for them these men are worth the trouble and the compromise.

3. You are the reason why your man is being eyed! You are too beautiful, too sexy, too feminine, and too perfect to be true that women out of jealousy and most probably your snobbish attitude wants to break you. They want to prove they can steal your man off your wrist and thus smash your perfection!

4. I don’t believe in platonic friendships but before you disagree with me, let’s picture your husband working with a single vibrant woman 5 days a week, 8 hours each day. It’s inevitable that they’ll be friends, he will be her confidant who will lend her both of his ears when she needs to vent out about the cruel that is life! I’m not saying that your man is unfaithful or that every coworkers must end up in bed. But as I always say, affairs begin when only the photogenic side of the person is displayed! Your man can’t be rude to her as he is to you, he can’t tell her he doesn’t have time for this nonsense and certainly he can’t yell at her. Accordingly, she thinks of your man as the only sane male left on this earth, can you blame her now?!

Trust comes out as the sole relationship breaker or maintainer; some would say that as long as I trust him, I don’t need to worry about who is eyeing him. But if I don’t, out of his previous slips, my insecurities or the fact that I know what other women are capable of then goodbye to sleep and hello eye bags!
What I usually do in such circumstances is that I first watch how he reacts around her, does he notice she’s coming on to him, is he enjoying it or is he breaking her desperate vibes and not because I’m just there?!

Every woman knows her man inside out; she can tell you instantly if he’s a flirt or an honest man. But sometimes because she doesn’t want to believe that he can betray her this easy, she’ll deny it until it happens right in front of her!

So let’s say it did happen, you spotted the b^$# who wants your till- this- moment- faithful man. You have one decision to make first before taking action, either to bring it up to his attention that another woman is craving him, which of course serves his ego right, or zip it so you can secretly take matters into your own hands.

For now, let’s just say that you decided to keep this matter to yourself, then, you have two options:
a. fiercely look back at her many times to let her know you noticed her nasty behavior.
b. If she’s someone you know, express that you’re uncomfortable with the way she acts around your man and that if she keeps on acting that way then you can no longer be friends.

That’s the as far as your dealing with the intruding woman goes, now over to the first option where you decided to tell him about the incident. As a rule of thumb, never ever never yell at him or accuse him for something he never did and turn his life into a nightmare just because you’re jealous. Be smart; entice him, love him more, upgrade yourself the way your man likes, listen to his wants and needs and be there for him like you never did. Then laugh about it together, you are the one who should fulfill his ego not anyone else, compliment him, tell him how blessed you are to have him in your life, all of course should be dosed up to scale so as not to turn him into a peacock. Taking extra care of your man is something that you should do whether you chose to tell him or not. Because if you start with the whys, how’s and the whole accusation fiesta then you’ll definitely lose him, if not for the woman you spotted, he’ll end up with another one and you don’t want that!

It’s hard to play happy on the outside when you’re all worried on the inside, I should know, I’ve been there, but it takes work, wittiness and wisdom to make any relationship work. If you want him and you are utterly confident that he is worth all that then don’t slug off so as not to suffer with the what if’s for the rest of your life.