How to confront YOUR PARTNER with his FLAWS?! ( He Said She Said June'09)

One of the greatest things about this column is that my now called husband never reads it. This means I get to spill whatever I want about me, him or even us! And since we're talking confrontations, I've been there bad! I tried every trick in the book to lay him off gently, brutally, neutrally and sometimes happily. And so did he! So, to get to the bottom of this itchy subject, I have to take you along to where it all begins, to where every confrontation decision is born; the fight!

Generally speaking, when two people fall for each other as the honey-taste arises, disparities shine. And what causes fighting other than differences?! Nothing! Hence, each think in their own way, have different perspectives, judge, blame, lose sight at certain moments and there you go… Flaws all over the place!

Women when angry, disappointed or hurt can't help but blame! They, by which I mean we, have this weird capability to make anyone feel guilty. Thus during a fight, it's irrational to expect a woman to speak gently, caringly or worse… Sympathize. All we can do during this mind-numbing moment is blame and charge men for pushing us to reveal our ugly side!
Men, on the other hand, judge! It's doesn't sound any sweeter especially when arguing with women. As we need understanding, emotional support and love especially during fights. What men, unconsciously, do is go with the "I told you so" attitude, therefore judging women's temper, loud voice and the reason why they're so worked up over the subject. So you see that neither men nor women during that state of adrenaline rush can think straight, let alone navigate annoying flaws.

How to confront a woman?
First off, good luck! Secondly, Always keep in mind that women are sensitive, crying beings who love looking good. And I mean love looking perfect in every way especially in their men's eyes…
1. The worst thing about women is that they expect men to know the right things to say and do. Even I, writing this thus knowing it, expect nothing less from my man. So you have one choice other than taking your chances which is to try hard to show her that you won't leave, won't feel good unless she feels good again about herself. And then even if you slipped, stand up straight and try again and she'll forgive you because you've already told her you want her smiling.
2. Unlike men, women are ready to give their all just to see their men happy, even if the confrontation style was awful; she'll take the hint, but will never forget you spotted her flaw! So try to erase by constantly thanking her for taking your pointers into consideration
3. Another trick that never failed is to tell her that she working on her flaw would embark a huge difference on your relationship aka the most important thing in her life. And she'll be more than happy to do it.
4. Never threaten to leave her if she didn't obey your orders. Because she'll be the one to leave you, if not instantly, she'll obey you first then collect her stamina to kick you right off her life.

How to confront a man?
Telling a man that he has flaws and you've noticed instantly delivers an irrational message that you think less of him. And you know what that does to a man with an ego? Total destruction! So you have to be very careful.
1. The first thing you need to watch out is the tone and your initial catch phrase. If you begin your words with "You did" or " You said" or "You always do" or " Why do you always say" That would just toss your conversation attempt right out the window. As you have switched on his defensive mode and instead of talking things through, you'd hear him trying to convince you with reasons why he behaved that way. And we certainly don't want that!
2. Men have huge egos, no surprise here. So don't forget to praise them, glorify their presence in your life every once in a while during your talk.
3. When your words are still not getting through to him, use the fact that men are visual and draw him two very vivid images of how ecstatic your relationship would be when he quits his flaw and how annoying it would be if he persisted.
4. The love letter technique found in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Is actually effective, aside the fact where you have to read the love letters for each other which I think is so very cheesy. It truly helps you blow off some steam and talk in a more audible tone. You simply start with why you're angry, then sad, then afraid, then what do you regret not doing and finally why you love your man. That way you have love as the last thing on your mind and heart, so you come out all gentle and cute!

How to spot the right reasons for getting married?! (He Said She Said May '09)

The ordeal of overlooking blindness

Any writer would probably tell you that the hardest part of conducting an article resides in choosing the right first word. Fortunately for me, there’s no need to fret over words choices this time. Because the topic is that important and pretty much self-explanatory, how to know if you’re getting married for the right reasons and how to decide to get married for the right reasons?!
Since I’m getting married, probably while you’re reading this, I’m in no position to preach or give royal instructions. I’m right there in your shoes, I’ve had my doubts as well as he, and I went over all the possible reasons why I should take this very serious step. That’s why I promise to deliver rational reasons for getting married which have been tested on yours truly and the people I come across everyday…

Warning!
There are two scenarios when it comes marriage; either you fall in love voluntarily or you get acquainted the formal way. In both situations you must at least like the person, in other words, you’ve sensed the promising potentials for a healthy relationship. Apart from the reasons, there’s a horrific mistake, I’ve witnessed people making and I saw their marriages crumble to the ground; change! Regardless of the level of intimacy both of you share, when ingoing a relationship with high hopes to change whatever it is you hate about your partner, you’re always hit with the fact that PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE! It’s either you accept their dents or leave them be, don’t torture yourself with the impossible mission to change them and don’t torment them with your endless comments and directions.

Marriage scenario#1: The Love.
One month after I met him, he proposed! Honestly, I took it as a joke and forgot all about it. But he persisted. I was flattered. I fell for him more and gave in. Of course that was 5 years ago, I didn't know what I know now, neither did he. I didn't know that the firsts of every relationship are tricky. For we stand in the attraction phase, too occupied by the racing heartbeats, sleepless nights and the unstoppable euphoric sensation. This is where love is literally blind and unwilling to pickup on any warning vibes. And this also where no commitment promises should be made. I consider myself lucky, not smart, because I literally ran across the right guy without pausing to review my reasons. In the grown-up world, as attraction pull couples closer they get to talk, learn about each other, pass through the worst and the best of times, and if the attraction is still going strong, they move on to the next phase; commitment. But in the earliest heat of the moment, any decision taken is irrational as it all comes down to hormones, desires and chemistry.

Marriage scenario#2: The Set-up
Exactly 6 months before the wedding, i.e. 6 months ago, I realized that there're things I didn't know about my man of 5 years! And yes, I blame the damn attraction phase and the wedding preparations that had my head spinning. So, let's say you got introduced to someone nice and there were sparks. Two days later, you got introduced to another nice someone and there were sparks also. You like them both, you see the potential for success and you have to choose; then you need the pros and cons list to fairly decide. And to decide, you need the answers for the following questions:
- Why do you want to get married? (to have a family, to have sex, to find security, to be more socially acceptable, etc…)
- Would you rather have a housewife or a working woman?
- How successful do you want to be?
- When do you want to have kids?
- How many kids do you want to have?
- Regarding friends, do you mind having friends of the opposite sex?
- Do you believe in such thing as privacy in relationships?
- What are your interests and hobbies?
- Do you want me to share your interests and hobbies?
- How close are you to your family?
- How involved do you want our families to be?
- When angry, do you like to talk about it right away or hide in your cave?
- Are you looking for a traditional marriage?
- On the emotional level, are you verbal or action-oriented?
- What do you expect from your partner?

Those are just headlines to get your juices flowing, however by all means, never ask these questions as is, put them in context, especially when dealing with men. They hate interrogations. Just keep in mind that there are no wrong reasons when doing something as sacred as marriage. BUT, there are wrong people, wrong timing and wrong conditions.

LOBNA KHAIRY

How to fight off temptations?! (He Said She Said April '09)

The ordeal of dangled baits!

Time after time people have failed to define what’s so special about new things?! Is it the mystery, the fresh start, the anticipation or does it all come down to the matter of glittery boxes?! I for one have always believed that part of the enticement lays in the renewed chance for firsts and of course the sparkling swathe protecting it from predators eyes. Much like the affairs business, don’t you think? All complicated behind the scenes reasons aside, affairs have more to do with the carefully selected swathe! If you dare to disagree, allow me to remind you of my one dimensional theory which clearly states that when dealing with people while not living together, one tend to see only the charming, smiling, fun side. Thus, it’s only natural to fall for someone who you think never frown, doesn’t get angry as much and on top of all appreciate every little thing you do.

So to get this article started, you have to know that there are no guiding steps which you can follow and VOILA! The enticement spell is broken; in fact I find the tips spread around are much too theoretical to help.
That’s why ladies and gentlemen I give you the three facts everyone should know to avoid falling for the dangled baits trick, all of which have been extracted from humans before. Of course!
1. The cheating bone!
Although it’s a widely used, remarkably accurate figure of speech, well, it’s no longer just that! This has become an accredited fact that some people are born with a tendency to cheat or as the scientists committee politely puts it, are destined to have poor relationships. But of course it’s not literally a bone, it’s a gene actually titled the monogamy gene, allele 334. The more copies a person has of this monogamy gene, the more he’s up to cheat! I admit that it won’t be easy having a somehow normal relationship with such partner, for you constantly have to pick on the waves signaling that your relationship in going steady and thus you have to keep him/her interested and just too occupied to search for more.
2. Not getting it at home
No, I’m not talking about sex here because believe it or not sex, as in the mechanical action of lust, is not the trigger here. Women who believe that men go for prettier women or those who can satisfy their much flaming desires are not entirely right! By mentioning not getting it at home, I’m referring to the “I can’t win” complaint, meaning that he feels that whatever he’s trying to do to please you is not enough, that he’s not a man in your eyes and even that you’re not appreciating the little achievements he makes. Accordingly, he falls for the next woman who provides for the missing “you’re all man” factor. The same goes for women, who no longer get compliments, attention, care and a simple thank you once in a while. Thus end up falling for the same trap, the man with the sweet words…
3. The tell-tale signs
I came across those signs and figured that they’ll be an excellent addition to our “know it all selection”. Those are the tell-tale signs that your partner is cheating or is about to cheat, so beware!
a. Spends more time away from home: that’s the classic sign, but make sure first it’s not work or some necessary errands before you drive your partner out of this relationship yourself!
b. Having less intimacy: It’s like my mother always say, marriage is like a circle connected by many factors, once one slips out the circle can no longer be complete and the marriage is cracked!
c. Avoiding contact: One might interpret it as pure guilt; others may say it’s out of avoidance. I say it’s an alarming sign that your partner is slipping out of your life, learn what’s bothering him/her and quickly pull them in before someone else catch them in a weak moment and forever have them.
d. Nonstop criticizing: It really can’t get more obvious than this! Your partner is clearly not happy about something or things and is being verbal about them. Listen, pay extra attention, don’t accuse them of being difficult and stop turning a deaf ear.
Those signs as well as what I hope was important insights weren’t just to watch out for your partner or protect them from falling for the bait. Those were dedicated to you as well, if you have a cheating GENE in your body or not getting what you want from your relationship, first be honest with yourself about them, talk it through with your partner and create your own bait that you’d fall far each time…

Men you don't want to be! (Euphoria Magazine April '09)

The first rule every woman receives when about to enter the relationships' world is avoid the cheater, the liar and the cheap. The reason why those three traits stood solid through the test of time is not because of their frequency but because of their distinguishable luminosity visible only to women. Yes! Women can detect the liar, sense the cheater and feel the cheap. However, there are other markers or to be more specific snags surrounding men's personalities which immediately place them on the "men to be avoided" list. So, in order to escape being on that list you don't want to be:

1. The critic
I hate that! Every woman breathing or dead hates that too! Females are sensitive, that's just a curse men have to deal with and so cornering her every move, thought or even taste is suffocating and parentally! Generally speaking, criticizing is unidirectional, it goes from a superior person to someone he believes to be less superior. Thus if your criticism is moving past the it's for your own good phase then she'll react in either of three ways;
a. despise your voice since all you have to say are brutal judgments,
b. bottle up the bitterness inside until she' overly saturated or
c. respond in various aggressive ways that might seem irrelevant to your excessive criticism.
But regardless of the conducts, you'll end up with you getting dumped!

2. The Analyzer
Women of all ages crave men who can listen, understand, empathize and appreciate. But being a listener is one thing and being an analyzer is a completely different thing! Being understood inside out is sweet but being transparent is simply anti-human. Having a partner with whom a woman can unwind and speak her mind unguarded is one of the strongest reasons why she's in a relationship and probably the same reason why she's willing to leave Freud for a deaf man!

3. The rebounder
Saving a drowning man is pretty heroic and an excellent ego booster for women as well. She'll feel more feminine knowing that she has healed your broken heart and made you forgot all about the other woman.
Then why is this repulsing? The problem happens in the security context for it won't be long before she questions your relationship, is it a real thing or just a matter of time before you go hunting! It all depends on your punch line, if it's I just got out of a messy breakup then she'll gladly do the necessary amendments, restore your faith in women, have her moment of glory and leave. She knows it's a rebound relationship from the start, she's not stupid, she knows you're a rebounder and so you're meant to be cut off!

4. The wandering-eye man
Why is it a manly thing?! Whenever I asked a man, why do you check other women out? He casually replies "Because I'm a man!" I, on the other hand, trying my best to silence the demons yelling kill him, decided to search for the logic in his sentence. I even doubted my own information! To the extent that I spent hours researching for a fact to prove that men automatically cheat! Of course there was none, even the infamous monogamy gene is to be found in both men and women. Then it's a mixed matter of respect, self-control and commitment. Women didn't get the impression that men only think with their "sticks" from no where, on the contrary, it took an endless series of stories and stolen glances to build that reputation up. That women escape the company of such men, not only because of their disgusting habit, but because being around a wandering-eye man destroys what's left of a woman's self-confidence and accordingly he has to go!

5. The virtuous guy
It's hard living under the microscope where everything is magnified and divided according to borderlines. Usually preaching is done by parents, those loathed instructions of what's right and what's perceived as wrong without convincing reasons is probably the reason why we're not that attached to them anymore. What any normal person would do when facing such condensed pressure is run towards those who he/she deeply love and know that they won't judge! But when the partner is all about setting rules, defining what is acceptable and what is not, blaming and condemning, directing and moralizing, the entire thing just seem worthless. It's true that a woman loves to feel the wings of a man surrounding her existence, protecting her from whichever dangers she's about to get herself into, yet in a non-parenting, repulsive way. Why is everything wrong? Why the stiffness of the mind? And why the hell are you guiding her? Communicate, debate, convince and every woman will listen. Scare, threat, yell, force and you'll be researching for alternative ways to reproduce!

6. The insecure
Finding a romantic man is like discovering treasure, finding a clingy romantic man is like finding a rotten skull midst the jewels! That's really how bad it is.
As almost every woman dreams of the gentleman who meets her with a flower in his hand and romantic words on his lips, it's the once in a while surprise that defines him as a man who is romantic, not the other way around. But those who speak, walk, talk and sometimes even stalk are clingy beings; women won't see them as men. Unlike what most men believe, women cherish their spaces and they do sense pretentious gestures. If you don't really miss her, she'll know, if you don't really trust her, she'll know and if you don't trust yourself, she'll know it too. At first, your insecurities will seem nice to her, it's nice to have a powerful man feel scared of loosing a woman, it feels good but soon enough, time after time, suffocation after another, she'll translate those signs to insecurities and BAM! You're out of the picture!

7. The changer
As a rule of thumb, no one is capable of changing others. As a matter of fact, I can better relate to helping people see their capabilities and good sides rather than changing them! I can also relate to people trying to adjust to their partners' needs and personalities but not change for them. Since in the end truths prevail, people go back to their normal selves and realize they've been trapped in their own bodies. It's either you love her the way she is or not, for if you keep on putting words in her mouth, brainwashing her with your thoughts, she won't be an individual, but another Stepford wife. Even the Stepford wives took a stance and rebelled, putting their men down!

How to Pause, Stop and Delete an outdated relationship? (He Said She Said Magazine Jan'09)

The ordeal of poisoned hearts!
Relationships come in all different shapes and sizes; there are the ones that last for life, others that cause nothing but a swirl of torments and some that pass by anonymously without a trace! It’s in the second type where the heart finds its poison and anguish. You know it when you’ve given someone and the sake of being with her/him your best shot and ended up defeated in a battle you should have won and bathed in its glory. But as the wind always blows in the wrong direction, we are supposed to resist and find our own way to the right side. Those words are nicely said but hardly ever done. We need factual to implement and steps to follow to rise up from the heartache everyone is destined to experience. And so my dearly beloved, I hereby promise to provide you with nothing but 100% tested tips on how to rescue your poisoned heart, all of which have been tried humans before!

A. How to pause the existing relationship?Pausing your relationship is a very serious step, which is only meant to happen when you feel something’s not right about your love life.
To pause your relationship you have to:
1. Be frank with yourself about your needs and wants from any relationship you might embark.
2. Evaluate your current relationship as well as your partner and see if they both measure up to your essentials.
3. Take some time off from your partner; you need to try life on your own first in order test your feelings away from his/her spell.
Intermission: By following those steps, you have consulted both your heart and mind. Now it’s your call whether to continue with the relationship or move on to the next step and stop.
4. If the fact that you’re still reading is of any indication, I’d say that you decided to stop. But first you need to specify the reasons why you’re calling it quits and be serious about them. Meaning that no matter what, it’s impossible to give your needs up.

B. How to stop an overly done relationship?You made it perfectly clear that you want to end this relationship, but only to yourself! Now, comes the most difficult part, informing your partner about your firm decision.
To stop your relationship you have to:
1. Make a decision on where will the confrontations take place, at your home, at a café or over the phone!
2. Organize your thoughts and your reasons why you need this relationship to stop.
3. Listen to your partner defense, even if you’re mind is set, don’t ever deny her/him that right.
4. Never make a promise to stay friends because no matter how mature or conscious you are, you might fall for her/him again or worse! You might be giving your partner a false hope of winning you over. Accordingly, you’ll both need time to heal before you can be around each and not get hurt!

C. How to delete the outdated relationship?Stopping your relationship yourself doesn’t make it any less painful. Thus, like everyone else, you need to let go and move one.
To delete your relationship you have to:
1. Express your agony outwards not on yourself. Instead of weighting it on your nerves or health, put it out in words, in music, in drawing or even in sweating.
2. Embrace yourself. You are as much responsible for the failure of this relationship as your partner. Take this time to reflect on yourself and work on your negatives.
3. Focus on the bad sides of that relationship. I know it’s uncommon but learning that you’re better off without it makes the letting go hundred times easier.
4. Refuse to talk about it to people if talking doesn’t help heal your wounds.
And finally; adopt this slogan as your life motto; if you know your worth, never settle for less.

Danger Alert! Someone has an eye for my man! (Feb'09 Insight magazine)

As young ladies, we swore to always stick together, help each other out and never let a guy come in between. But that didn’t last long; did it? He managed to get in the way, picked out his favorite girl, leaving the other heartbroken and reeks of insecurity. Then the shattered girl stands up; finds herself another friend who swears to never let a guy come in between. Yet once again, another he shows up, crush their sacred bond with his charming smile and fraud promises leaving the other girl crippled for life!

While witnessing the recurrence of the exact same story over and over again, all I could think about is that it’s no surprise women’s rivalry is that obvious! We’ve been fouled, manipulated and used by each other before men did. The hard to miss insecurities had already formed a blinding fold unto our hearts, minds and souls. And this is how women’s properties have become an easy catch for their fellow others, nothing is off-limit! Properties can range from earrings to men, as long as they can get them, they want them, end of story!

It’s a completely different scene when two women are competing to win the heart of a man than when a woman is trying to steal YOUR man! It happens all the time, to every woman regardless of her beauty, delicacy or femininity.
Now you can be all about I’m irreplaceable and no one can mess with me, or be willing to open your eyes, watch whoever is aiming at your man and act fast before you’re hit with a mistress in your face!

Regardless of the fact that you might be seeing your man as a jerk who owns nothing but flaws, there are definitely other women who perceive him as the perfect man. So, let’s pick their brains for a moment here and learn the reasons why they would want your man?!

1. When a woman reaches a certain stage of desperation, she adopts some behavior trends and attitudes that she would not normally do. Thus it becomes her thing to flirt with any guy, dress in a ridiculously revealing way, do spontaneous shocking actions to steal the attention and tip off sexual notions in any context. And it’s too obvious for women only, men on the other hand are much distracted with watching to analyze any of this. So, she might not be after your man specifically, she’s after any man who can get her out of the desperation hole.

2. Committed men in general whether faithfully or traitorously posses this weird vibe that attracts the single ladies. Exactly like the forbidden fruit, he’s mysterious, tempting yet out of reach. As if their wedding bands scream out, I’m a rare breed of men, I can commit! And by looking at the previously mentioned issues women have with disloyalty, for them these men are worth the trouble and the compromise.

3. You are the reason why your man is being eyed! You are too beautiful, too sexy, too feminine, and too perfect to be true that women out of jealousy and most probably your snobbish attitude wants to break you. They want to prove they can steal your man off your wrist and thus smash your perfection!

4. I don’t believe in platonic friendships but before you disagree with me, let’s picture your husband working with a single vibrant woman 5 days a week, 8 hours each day. It’s inevitable that they’ll be friends, he will be her confidant who will lend her both of his ears when she needs to vent out about the cruel that is life! I’m not saying that your man is unfaithful or that every coworkers must end up in bed. But as I always say, affairs begin when only the photogenic side of the person is displayed! Your man can’t be rude to her as he is to you, he can’t tell her he doesn’t have time for this nonsense and certainly he can’t yell at her. Accordingly, she thinks of your man as the only sane male left on this earth, can you blame her now?!

Trust comes out as the sole relationship breaker or maintainer; some would say that as long as I trust him, I don’t need to worry about who is eyeing him. But if I don’t, out of his previous slips, my insecurities or the fact that I know what other women are capable of then goodbye to sleep and hello eye bags!
What I usually do in such circumstances is that I first watch how he reacts around her, does he notice she’s coming on to him, is he enjoying it or is he breaking her desperate vibes and not because I’m just there?!

Every woman knows her man inside out; she can tell you instantly if he’s a flirt or an honest man. But sometimes because she doesn’t want to believe that he can betray her this easy, she’ll deny it until it happens right in front of her!

So let’s say it did happen, you spotted the b^$# who wants your till- this- moment- faithful man. You have one decision to make first before taking action, either to bring it up to his attention that another woman is craving him, which of course serves his ego right, or zip it so you can secretly take matters into your own hands.

For now, let’s just say that you decided to keep this matter to yourself, then, you have two options:
a. fiercely look back at her many times to let her know you noticed her nasty behavior.
b. If she’s someone you know, express that you’re uncomfortable with the way she acts around your man and that if she keeps on acting that way then you can no longer be friends.

That’s the as far as your dealing with the intruding woman goes, now over to the first option where you decided to tell him about the incident. As a rule of thumb, never ever never yell at him or accuse him for something he never did and turn his life into a nightmare just because you’re jealous. Be smart; entice him, love him more, upgrade yourself the way your man likes, listen to his wants and needs and be there for him like you never did. Then laugh about it together, you are the one who should fulfill his ego not anyone else, compliment him, tell him how blessed you are to have him in your life, all of course should be dosed up to scale so as not to turn him into a peacock. Taking extra care of your man is something that you should do whether you chose to tell him or not. Because if you start with the whys, how’s and the whole accusation fiesta then you’ll definitely lose him, if not for the woman you spotted, he’ll end up with another one and you don’t want that!

It’s hard to play happy on the outside when you’re all worried on the inside, I should know, I’ve been there, but it takes work, wittiness and wisdom to make any relationship work. If you want him and you are utterly confident that he is worth all that then don’t slug off so as not to suffer with the what if’s for the rest of your life.

The 33 Relationship truths no one will ever tell you

It’s always hard to avoid the inevitable, let alone give in to the faulty snobbishness of knowing the right thing to do. As there is the straw that broke the camel’s back, there’s also the one who added that extra fatal burden. It’s true that no one was born a relationship wizard for those who are now, certainly had their share of heartaches. The problem is that it’s not easy to find people who are willing to admit their failures; they can blame them on bad luck or their partners at best! But there are only a few who are guaranteed to share with you, not only the faults, but the blunders that led to those pit falls. Who are those one of a kind honest people? Actually, for now it’s only me, but since it’s my Relationship Rewired finale, I wanted to give you something special.
So, hear out the major relationship truths, you need to snap right out of…

A. Opposite attracts!1. This is just another lie you or your friends might promote to not see your grumpy face.
2. Opposite may attract in physics but in relationships, similarities make life more enjoyable.
3. It’s absolutely crucial for your partner to share your interests and more importantly your beliefs, as things won’t always come down to you two. There will be kids along the way!
4. Being different from other people she/he might have known is appealing, but being different from her/him is not!
5. Life is always made easy with an understanding partner who can relate to your problems, if she/he is on the other end, how can they empathize?
6. I won’t lie to you, it might be fun, experiencing new places, meeting different people, getting introduce to different side of you, you might not have known. This is all good, in a crush/dating way but when it comes to settling down, you need someone to survive with, pull you up not in all directions!

B. You have to be in love 24/7!7. Come on! You know better than this, imagine having to eat honey every day, eventually, it’ll lose both its sweet taste and alluring charm.
8. This has nothing to do with reality for it takes no genius to realize that the more you contact each other, the more you clash!
9. Where’s the fun in that? The bad is intended to be there, not to make our lives worse, but to help us appreciate and long for the good sides as well.
10. It’s at the most difficult situations and the hideous fights when you get to discover the real, unraveled version of your partner. Only then you can decide whether the relationship is worth putting up with the ugly face or not!
11. That’s movie love and it’s named that for a reason. Everyone fights for the good time, that’s what makes a relationship worthy of your sacrifice.

C. You can always change what you hate about your partners!12. A flat out Lie! You can never change someone simply because you can’t even change yourself.
13. People can pretend to change for the person they love, but their true selves will soon out speak their love.
14. Part of being IN LOVE with someone is to love them the way they are, accept them as a package that can’t be altered.
15. When you’ve been with someone for long and you know that she/he has actually changed. It’s not that they changed because of you; it’s that you HELPED bring out the best that was already in them.
16. It’s a dream that we all have about our ONES, but unfortunately it’s what you hate to love about them that makes life magical.
17. If you’re lucky enough to witness your grandparents’ relationship, you’ll see how those once hated traits are now unseen. Not out of love, not out of surrender but because those very same hateful bits are now accustomed and worse, replaced by new ones!

D. Always speak what’s on your mind18. Almost everyone believes that using what God placed in your head is damaging to your relationship. WRONG!
19. Consider something minor as simple as wanting comfort from your one when you’re feeling down. That’s normal, it’s your right and frequent in our hectic lives. And since you refuse to your mind, you’ll stumble across her/him and literally spill out your guts regardless of their mood!
20. There’s a huge difference between honesty and cleverness.
21. Being the comfort zone for your beloved is not easy and of course it doesn’t come naturally. It takes practice to learn when it’s your time to talk and when you should shut up!
22. Speaking what’s on your mind is your granted right that no one can deny you, but it’s when and how you should exercise that right that will get you the best feedback you’ll ever need.
23. One of life’s most hurtful truths, you can’t control anyone even controlling yourself is most of the times hard to muster.

E. You’ll realize right away that this is the one!24. I wish life was that kind. Most people are blinded by the sparks and the desperation for love that they take the first heart beat as a sign.
25. There’s no ONE, there’s no SOULMATE, not because they don’t exist but because the older you get, the more the standards upon which you evaluate your “one” changes.
26. You have to open your mind to many opportunities and different people in order to set your standards right. After which you’ll be blessed with someone completely the opposite of who you wished to be with.
27. ANYONE who can grant you love, kindness, understanding, appreciation and similar interests can be the one. But, it all comes down to chemistry.
28. You can fall in and out of love a thousand times with different ones and that just proves my point, it’s all about timing and your evaluation.

F. Exchange the one you love for the one who loves you!29. Life is too short to waist it with someone you don’t feel for.
30. There’s always the hunting What If question that you’ll forever more wonder if you don’t grant your heart its chance.
31. People like to believe that if they’re with someone who truly cherish them then that’s the ultimate happiness. However, the ultimate happiness is only found within.
32. Exchanging partners is nothing short of a rebound relationship.
33. If it’s impossible to be with the one you love, don’t torture the one soul who loves you by giving them something less that true love.

Mental Affairs

As human beings we like to believe that as long as our sins are unseen, then as far as we’re concerned, they’ve never happened! May be it is just easier that way, in the self-healing process. I mean it’ll be easier to forgive oneself as long as it’s only you who is pushing the blame button rather than the added exterior selves sharing in the guilt process. Accordingly, the defining moment where a person chooses to feel remorseful depends on his own evaluation of a situation worthy of being called a sin, which again could be very troubling or very alleviating.

It all starts when the going gets an itsy bit rough. Like in every relationship, it could be a fight, a misunderstanding or utter boredom that gets your mind working for other possibilities. In that very moment, which by the way everyone refuse to label as cheating, one finds his peace. But sadly that peace comes with someone else! We’ve all been there; the only difference is that some of us might dismiss the thought immediately while others cave in for the temporary joy.
The reason why all of us hate to refer to those moments as cheating is because there’s no physical action to prove it. It’s all just a bunch of thoughts that- I want to be optimistic and say most of us- don’t want to do anything about. It’s like a relieving mechanism, to think about someone you used to know, like an old love that wasn’t meant to complete. So you give it that honor only in your head. Unfortunately not every thought goes to people you used to know, like or even love. Sometimes it’s the closeness that creates the problem!

Let me walk you through it with a story about a woman who married the love of her life. But as time went by unconditionally of course, inviting the unwanted routine, she- unaware of it- got attached to chatting with a co-worker. And like every such story, it all happened every time she had a fight with her husband or was simply complaining about his diminishing interest in her. Now, I don’t know if the other man’s intentions where pure or not, but he started talking about how special she is and you know the drill. But she being a good woman as she is, it finally hit her that she was sharing her inner most thoughts and concerns with someone else other than her man, so she had to go cold turkey and get rid of that addiction. Despite the fact that she switched departments and got over him entirely, she still refuses to call what happened back then “cheating”. Her explanation is that she was going through some horrible time; he was there to comfort and nothing more.

Apart from me believing that no good could come from a man and a woman spending too much time together even as friends, this was cheating. Whether it happened while awake or daydreaming, it still counts as betrayal. For if ever I learnt that my partner had someone else in mind, even if for a split of a second, I would be devastated and I’m thinking so would he. So let’s just be thankful that our minds are the only places where no one, no matter how good they are, can go into without knocking!

However, all jokes aside, it is a serious matter that we all do at some point during the day where we turn into what ifs. How different my life would be if I married x instead of y? Or in severe cases what if I was never married?!

Thus it would be much more appropriate to invest the time spent wondering in the relationship itself. But first you got to move as far away as possible from the source of distraction whether physically or mentally. In other word, distract yourself from the distraction! Second you must, absolutely must, spend some time reflecting on the reason that pushed you this far. Then, comes the final step, where you get to talk with your partner to implement the necessary changes.
Although the solution seems so simple, tucked into these small lines, talking about it is easier said than done. For temptations lay everywhere and with the aid of the factor that is tough relationships, you do the math. Only this is the type of thing you have to consistently fight and push away. It’s hard having to go through those steps every time you sense a mental affair is about to hit. But if this is the kind of effort you have to exert to keep a relationship you want, then it’s worth the trouble. Just keep one thing in mind, the more you love your partner, the easier it’s to let go of any crawling disruptions.

The deadly traits guaranteed to kill any relationship!

There’s no doubt in my mind that all people are capable of change. Giving the numerous ways of improvements and the endless second chances, I believe anything could be done.
But also considering that love’s blind, people tend to forgive anything regardless how painful it’s to get over a partner’s flaw, as long as it’s doable. To accept that and may be even aim for its improvement is nothing short of a heroic action. Yet there are some qualities- 3 to be specific- that one might think they can let go of but it is only time that can prove otherwise. And before you know it, you’ll be walking out of a relationship with a wound that of course will heal but is as well guaranteed to scar your future relationships.

For that I present to you the three deadly traits- in the unbiased way possible- that if found in any human being, you have to, absolutely have to break it off before it breaks you…

Deadly trait #1: Lying:
We can definitely all agree that relationships are all about trust, right? It’s just good sense, for how can you trust someone who’ve lied to you before?! Even if that special someone did apologize, promised and unconditionally crossed her/his heart to forevermore be honest. Deep down inside you’ll still be doubtful each time they open their mouths to speak. For you might think this is something that you can get over by time. Worse! You might start blaming yourself for not being able to forgive and forget!
The Lying I’m aiming at isn’t like “No, honey you look absolutely gorgeous in that dress” or “I’m ok with you spending more time with your friends, it gives me the space I need, Arghhhhhhhh!” Actually those are the essential white lies, but they’re the huge ones, the big relationship wreckers that you should and absolutely must worry about.
Thus, if you’re positive that your partner is a flat out liar, just walk away and never look back. All you have to do is picture a lifetime of happiness with someone who respects you enough to tell the truth or an endless suffering from a hopeless condition that will get you no where but straight to a mental institute. And the answer will pop itself automatically!

Deadly trait #2: Cheating:I’ll let you in a little story of someone I know. She, like many fresh graduates of her age, got engaged to a suitable suitor of whom she grew fond of rather quickly. Close to the wedding, the groom informed his future wife that he has to go on a business trip for only a week. Accordingly she packed all her emotions for just that day where she could show him how much he’ll be missed. She wrote every day and received his flaming letters with the cutest grin on her face while praying for him to come home safely for their fairytale to start. But fortunately for her, or so I see it, she saw him driving his car with some girl whom he was, let’s say, tickling! She got all confused, first she thought she had the wrong car, as he’s not expected back for another 3 days and he wrote back for God’s sake! But her first gift to him, a white teddy dangling for the rear-view mirror confirmed all her doubts. That guy was him, and it was clear to her that this thing that she once considered a relationship had to end.
Cheating is cutting for anyone, it’s such a slap on the face, especially if you’re giving your best and this is how you’re met. But it doesn’t matter if it’s a built-in trait or a new kicked in habit, it’s just not worth it. First, because this is the kind of condition where only small percentage makes it through but with the highest risk of relapse. Second, Do you think that living in a cynical cage for the rest of your life fun?! Just picture all the fuss about your sinking self-confidence and the invited fights. Picture each time you get introduced to a potential predator, or going away with friends. It’ll just too hectic and repulsive. For honestly, it’s preferable for people to be honest about their monogamy issues rather keeping it to their selves and for their partners to figure out later!

Deadly trait #3: SkimpingI’ve always assumed that the greatest pillar of love is sharing. And I consider the materialistic aspects of a relationship to be the most difficult. For this is when a person’s generosity is put to the test; especially in the most difficult time; when money is tight. Out of million considerations, it’s only reasonable to consider everything else offered in a relationship is free; the softening whispers, the overflowing feelings and the unconditional love for one another. But when it gets to outings and gifts that’s when you really get to know what your partner think of you with the unmistakable testimony where they prefer spending their last 5o pounds on you rather than keeping it to themselves. For those who have cheap partners, I’ve got two words for you, they’ll always be cheap and as if that’s not enough a skimping person is always selfish and materialistic. So unless you do something about it now, get ready for an enjoyable ride of some serious begging!

I normally don’t encourage people to break off a good relationship especially if they’re happy about it. But when it comes to those three, one always needs to find an exit door, preferably a fast short cut to it, for it’s not enough to leave; you have to do it fast!

216 years later and it still is a man's world!

It’s been almost 216 years since calling for women’s rights happened, giving millions of women their voices back. Its cogent consequences left no one but to take notice of the magnificent changes women have embarked today. The simplest of which, that women have utterly evolved from bodily concerns to astounding mental capabilities that would – and no I'm not exaggerating- put any man to shame!

20 years in the making had me believing in women’s potentials, verbalized my ever so spoken refusal for ending up as another “desperate housewife” and translated my self-worth into irrefutable actions. Despite the fact that my futuristic aspirations are relentlessly changing, they all have one thing in common though, it’s that I don’t want to be held back for I need to explore my horizons, familiarize my capacities and achieve what I was meant to attain. But regardless of every career-oriented thought I've ever have, never have I once felt the superiority of men in anything. In fact, I consider the whole thing to be a balanced process to which men and women equally contribute, with no favors held or ranking records kept. For, this is how I see things, my brother gets to stay out as late as he wants, and I get bigger allowance, I get to have my girlfriends over for a dancing contest anytime while his friends’ visits are constantly restricted because “he has a sister”. Although there comes a time in every girl’s life when she wishes she was born a guy so as to enjoy all the privileges. But as tempting as that may sound, I’ve always had this pitiful feeling towards guys, for they are forced to take over a responsibility that is too heavy for one person to bear. While women simply work because they want to and raise their kids because they love to and not because they’re forcibly compelled to do so.

A quick run through my background was necessary for you to feel the irony in what I’m about to tell you…
Not so long ago, I was reluctantly staying in my car waiting for my friend to show up so we can make it to that meeting on time. But after 10 min of pure boredom, there was no sign of her, so I wrathfully called her for the millionth time to hurry things up, after all it’s only a meeting not an after party! On the other hand she being a total klutz lost her apartment keys and had to look for them in order for us to go which means more free time for me to kill! She lived in a well lit street, on top of a busy supermarket with sluggish but sometimes useful security guards. Thus there was no room for me to worry about anything especially that I’m used to locking myself in the car even before starting the engine. But ever since I hit that parking lights, I turned down the radio for I didn’t want to stir any focus and kept an eye on the side mirror to watch out for any “male predator” passing by the car.
See if it was anyone else but me, this probably would mean nothing, but that particular situation put me in a wrestle self-loathing state for days! I was personally astounded by my own fear for if it was of any indication, it’s that I’m a phony person, a hypocrite, someone who talks but doesn’t implement or rather calls for something that she dreads!
Why the overreaction? Because at the moment when I realized what I was doing, how I was panicking and counting the seconds till I can drive away, all I could think of was, God how weak am I?
I came to notice that I was busy fighting aged traditions and off beam beliefs only from the surface, I was crammed with achieving a certain image, a successful career woman who is independent and strong. But I couldn’t find that independency when I had doubts about myself and I definitely wasn’t strong enough when I was teetering at the sight of any “mustache” passing by. To be honest, I was beyond disappointed, for if I truly believed that men and women are equal, I could never have felt that way or even bothered to glimpse whoever is walking by, but it is all part of the frame, some reckless words that we just mumble out to discharge the residues of the male dominance era that up till that moment haven’t been fully eradicated.

Well, allow me these questions, is it enough for women to attend self-defense classes and carry around pepper sprays to feel safe? Is that the awaited salvation?
Which is more important, gaining our public rights where we’re entitled to exactly as any man is, or believing that we are not created to be dominated by men even on the emotional level?
When will our society understand that men are to provide security not intimidation and for women to stop being intimidated by men?And finally the same old question, on which basis can equality be defined, is it when a women feels she has all her rights handed down to her or is it when a man stops thinking of women as the weaker sex?! Because it seems that regardless of our social standards or academic achievements, we still have that si el sayed and Ameena plot planted tightly in our Egyptian roots.