Sunday, February 1, 2009

Mental Affairs

As human beings we like to believe that as long as our sins are unseen, then as far as we’re concerned, they’ve never happened! May be it is just easier that way, in the self-healing process. I mean it’ll be easier to forgive oneself as long as it’s only you who is pushing the blame button rather than the added exterior selves sharing in the guilt process. Accordingly, the defining moment where a person chooses to feel remorseful depends on his own evaluation of a situation worthy of being called a sin, which again could be very troubling or very alleviating.

It all starts when the going gets an itsy bit rough. Like in every relationship, it could be a fight, a misunderstanding or utter boredom that gets your mind working for other possibilities. In that very moment, which by the way everyone refuse to label as cheating, one finds his peace. But sadly that peace comes with someone else! We’ve all been there; the only difference is that some of us might dismiss the thought immediately while others cave in for the temporary joy.
The reason why all of us hate to refer to those moments as cheating is because there’s no physical action to prove it. It’s all just a bunch of thoughts that- I want to be optimistic and say most of us- don’t want to do anything about. It’s like a relieving mechanism, to think about someone you used to know, like an old love that wasn’t meant to complete. So you give it that honor only in your head. Unfortunately not every thought goes to people you used to know, like or even love. Sometimes it’s the closeness that creates the problem!

Let me walk you through it with a story about a woman who married the love of her life. But as time went by unconditionally of course, inviting the unwanted routine, she- unaware of it- got attached to chatting with a co-worker. And like every such story, it all happened every time she had a fight with her husband or was simply complaining about his diminishing interest in her. Now, I don’t know if the other man’s intentions where pure or not, but he started talking about how special she is and you know the drill. But she being a good woman as she is, it finally hit her that she was sharing her inner most thoughts and concerns with someone else other than her man, so she had to go cold turkey and get rid of that addiction. Despite the fact that she switched departments and got over him entirely, she still refuses to call what happened back then “cheating”. Her explanation is that she was going through some horrible time; he was there to comfort and nothing more.

Apart from me believing that no good could come from a man and a woman spending too much time together even as friends, this was cheating. Whether it happened while awake or daydreaming, it still counts as betrayal. For if ever I learnt that my partner had someone else in mind, even if for a split of a second, I would be devastated and I’m thinking so would he. So let’s just be thankful that our minds are the only places where no one, no matter how good they are, can go into without knocking!

However, all jokes aside, it is a serious matter that we all do at some point during the day where we turn into what ifs. How different my life would be if I married x instead of y? Or in severe cases what if I was never married?!

Thus it would be much more appropriate to invest the time spent wondering in the relationship itself. But first you got to move as far away as possible from the source of distraction whether physically or mentally. In other word, distract yourself from the distraction! Second you must, absolutely must, spend some time reflecting on the reason that pushed you this far. Then, comes the final step, where you get to talk with your partner to implement the necessary changes.
Although the solution seems so simple, tucked into these small lines, talking about it is easier said than done. For temptations lay everywhere and with the aid of the factor that is tough relationships, you do the math. Only this is the type of thing you have to consistently fight and push away. It’s hard having to go through those steps every time you sense a mental affair is about to hit. But if this is the kind of effort you have to exert to keep a relationship you want, then it’s worth the trouble. Just keep one thing in mind, the more you love your partner, the easier it’s to let go of any crawling disruptions.


Anonymous said...

wooooooooow ya lobna, i agree with every word u said, cheating begings with thinking!!!!! so sharing our problems with the partener with another man is cheating, and i even consider sharing it with a woman the same!!!! beacause what's between me and my partner is between me and him, if we today fight, tomorrow everything is okay and lel asaaaf we only tell others our fights!!!! that's why i believe what's between the person and his partener is private very private
Mariam Bekdash

Nooon said...

i am so PROUD of u :)))))
nice topic to tackle bgad i have like loads of friends who suffer from that.. And i read your profile and was simply proud of where you stand now :))
Nehal (potentials uprising)


Yes, Yes ya Mariam, there are certain things that should never be mentioned... And you are totally right, we as in our culture, have been raised to not share the good moments 3shan el
7sad, only bad ones are allowed
3shan el 3een tetshal men 3alena!

Nehal, thank u sooooooooo much, i really miss u ya mama nehal :D

Nooon said...

looooool i miss u too sweetie awi..
ps if u know a magazine , recruiting, tell me..


bas kda!!! enty t2morry...
I'll send u my number f msg 3al facebook and let's talk...