Friday, January 22, 2010

Truths men will never admit to

(Published in Euphoria Magazine, January 2010 issue)

Treat people the way you want to be treated is a falsy statement. Especially when those people are of different gender, opposite gender, that agree on being different and depart on being the same. The thing is with men it is not only exclusive on ambiguity, but with the fact that they crave mysteriousness, they seek being the player no single woman will ever own. Whether they are in fact that mercury-painted creature or wannabe's, they all are addicted to the rush of it. Do men want commitment? Do they have blood in their veins? Are they capable of feeling? Why are men the way they are? Why are they rude? Insensitive? Polygamists? Why do they have all sort of excuses for sex? Angry sex, make-up sex, I'm bored sex, etc... Why does sex seem to be the only thing on their minds?
You see, women get puzzled easily, that's just the way they are, so they assume men are like them and want to be treated the same way and men hate the talking, that's also the way they are. But one way or another, men's truths got unwrapped, even if they'll never admit to...
1. Men are not multi-functional
Try talking to a man while working and list 2 things to get on the way home, he'll either not remember such conversation took place, confuse the tasks he has to do, and of course he won't ask you to repeat them again, or he'll get just one of them done.
Try chitchatting with a man while driving to reach an address, he'll miss the turn and accuse you of distracting him.
Try calling on a man once while playing video games, wait and wait and he'll never answer back.
At first those were nothing but observations women picked on and usually laughed about with girlfriends on sushi, but now they're classified as scientific facts about the male brain!
Men are not capable of multi-functioning, and they'll never admit that because women simply are. The male brain on the other hand is more specialized and organized in a way that enables men to focus on only one thing at a time. There are fewer connecting fibers between the left and the right hemispheres than there's in women and so they are named the critical- thinkers gender.
2. Men are not capable of facing tough situationsWhen a couple fight, it's very common to find the woman approaching the man for resolving the issue once and for all. And many women will relate to such story, and the fact that men prefer to go into hiding, disappear for a while and come up with a solution or decision on his own and not including his partner. Which of course is something women hate, they prefer talking things through and working it out together. This specific behavior confuses women because they perceive men as decisive, firm creatures who, according to women, shouldn't take much time deciding and in no way should they escape facing situations. But the truth is, men are wired to be discreet, unlike women they're more of the private gender. When men space out, they're not acting spacious, they're thinking, silently talking to themselves and planning. Try asking any man when being quite, what are you thinking of? And he'll simply answer. However, try to ask him why are you being so quite? And he'll either say no reason or I'm thinking.
3. Men are as emotional as women.Exactly a year ago, I was researching for an article about things that bring guys to tears. I was so curious to get inside their world and find if they're actually capable of tearing up to things other than the death of a dear person. And to my surprise, they happen to be as emotional as women. Dramatic movie-endings chock them up, Dealing with a challenged child break their hearts and when a cherished relationship ends, they cry! While that holds a comforting angle women can relate to, still men hide that passionate interior with more of a cold statue exterior. They manage to keep a straight face during all times, some may consider this pure intelligence, while in fact it's out of fear. Men are afraid to seem weak, defeated and heart broken. They are brought up, not only in our eastern societies, to be strong, fearless and to some extend cold hearted.
It has even been scientifically proven that men use only three out of five voice tones, the serious tone, the laughing tone and the sleepy tone only.
So, it's hard to tell what they're actually feeling, not because men are not capable of feeling, but because they can hide it very well.
4. Men are not so good with words.It's uncommon to find a man who love talking for the fun and sharing nature of it. Yet, it's very much common for women to confuse or misinterpret men's words. Because like my husband always says, women assume that men's words have hidden meanings, while men don't imply, they don't think of metaphorical words to use, men are direct, when I tell you I want to change the channel, it's not because I want to annoy you or grasp your attention, it's simply that I want to watch something else. And it's true, men are direct when it comes to their demands. Listen carefully to a man speaking and all you'll be hearing are short, constructed sentences with a simple opening, clear message and a conclusion. So, using their own method of talking, a woman can easily get through to any man by:
a. Asking directly if the time is right to talk. If it's not, then schedule another time. Men love specifics.
b. Telling him why you want to talk. Many women are frustrated with men who try to solve everything when women are only seeking them out to listen and share.
c. Sticking to the point. Use concise, unprovoking words.
d. Asking him direct questions. Don't use CAN or COULD because that way, you're only checking his ability to do something and of course he can. Instead use WILL or WOULD.
e. Never, ever, start a conversation with anyone, especially men, with YOU. Because that simply places everyone in the defensive mode and thus they start defending themselves rather than having a conversation.
f. Men are hearing specific, so when you use words like always, never, every time and only, men focus on that and start correcting the terms rather than addressing the issue itself.
5. Men easily confuse lust for love.Since eve's primal attempts to decode men, it's been quite obvious that men love sex, they seek sex, evaluate women's beauty according to their sex appeal and can only express love by sex. While men are also stereotyped as commitment phobes, they so weirdly base the success or failure of a certain relationship on how much they're physically attracted to a woman. Accordingly, they confuse lust for love and emotional attraction. That's why it's men take more time to decide whether to commit or not, because they fear that their decision might not be based on true emotions rather a temporary rush of testosterone.
6. Men are polygamists by concept.
The way men view sex is completely different from a woman's point of view. To them sex is not that sacred, it's an instinct, a desire, a flame within that needs to be put out once in a while. It has nothing to do with love. They don't have to love a woman, agree with her ideas or even like her to sleep with her, they just have to be physically attracted to her. For women, sex is sacred, it's a big deal, a woman can never make love to a man she's not emotionally connected to, unless it's her job or she'd forced to do so. May be that explains a lot on why women can't easily forgive men for cheating, it's not only the physical part that's hurting them, it's the fact that her own man has been attracted emotionally to another woman. While men go crazy over the fact that women can't understand that it was just sex. Because for women, it's never just sex.

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