Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Women are victims by choice


(Published in Euphoria Magazine, February 2010 issue)
I’m sick and tired of watching women degrade themselves in every way just to be with a man. I’m fed up with the helpless creatures they’ve become in the name of love and I despise the vulnerable position they always manage to get themselves into. I don’t want to hear them curse their bad luck anymore. I don’t want them blaming other people, including men, for how they ended up to be and play the victim’s role. After all everything goes according to a woman’s choice, she chose a man to be her partner, she chose to give in to obligations and pressure, she chose to mute her voice, she chose to think irrationally, she chose to live dragged behind every male figure in her life, she chose to come in last and then she comes crying in agony. Whether you agree with me or not, there are facts which can’t be denied, there are women who out of desperation, lack of self-confidence, fear, ignorance or misunderstanding contributed to the making of their own misery. My mission is to open your eyes, to help you clearly see the mistakes you’ve been making and the wrong decisions you’ve been taking under the umbrella of love and pleasing a man…
1.Leaving your passion behind
Your career, hobbies and interests add to your happiness, self-satisfaction and sense of accomplishment. When you give that upon a man’s wrestles threats then know you’re dealing with an immature, selfish kid who wants a marionette to control. And when you give him that right, you’ve handed him the key to your prison.
2. Turning into a zombieI’ve seen it happen tens of times before, where an insecure, jealous and possessive man chooses who his woman should/ should not be friends with or if she should have friends at all. Should she contact her family or live in isolation? This is just the beginning to erasing your existence; soon you’ll be living according to his norms, thoughts and desires.
3. Doubting yourself
You can’t tell if a certain outfit makes you thin or fat, a decision is wrong or right, what you hate and what you like; what you should accept and which you should reject unless he defines them for you. It’s either you were that insecure from the start or allowed him to shake you up this hard. Find your own values, beliefs and perspectives, instead of waiting around for a man to dictate you your own identity.
4. Believing in double standards
If you believe that it’s ok for him to socialize with other women, spend most of his time with friends, have his own space, ditch you, cheat and lie but it’s not ok for you because he’s a man, then you’re living in double standard. You have the right to be respected, appreciated, listened to and supported. Being a woman doesn’t deprive you from that, and he being a man doesn’t grant him justification.
5. Being afraid of losing him all the timeBeing afraid to argue his decisions, say no, go out with friends, speak your mind, work or even breathe so he’s won’t jump up and leave, this is fear at its worst cases. And sometimes the man is not even responsible, it’s out of your fragility, insecurity and underestimation of the strength of your relationship that the mere thought of him being upset, terrifies you to the very core.
6. Accepting abuse
Why would you allow a man to beat you? Talk down to you? Humiliate you? Break your happiness? Use your emotions and treat you like a stinky animal? Why would you stand around witnessing your soul degradation doing nothing? This is not a relationship, this is slavery and you’re not a victim, you’re plain out weak.
7. Sacrificing your body to keep himGiving him sex will not keep him and giving him the right to roam your body will not keep him… If you offer your body in return of love, you’ll receive nothing but temporary sympathy. If you believe sex keeps a man or force him into marriage, go through history and you’ll find endless line of women called mistresses, prostitutes and sluts. Know that the right guy won’t blackmail you for sex or else he’ll leave, the right guy will never force you into something you’re not ready to do.
8. Rushing into relationships
Who said you should be married by 20? Who said you should settle for less? Who said being in a relationship is the only way to social acceptance? Who said you should feel incomplete without a man? Who said you don’t have the right to build a career? Who said you must accept the first suitor in case no one better comes next? Would you be happy with a divorce? Would you enjoy the sight of your children living in misery because of a wrong choice you made? Even if the whole world is pushing you to settle for anyone, you’ll be all alone when your world comes crashing down.
9. Pretending to be someone else to please him
As much as I’d love to stay proud of the fearless independent generation we’re growing up to be, yet still there’re those who’re still hiding under the “good Egyptian girl” norms. Afraid to speak their different views and opinions, burying their dreams and hopes and switching their independence for a catering service providing the needs and perspectives Egyptian men would want in good Egyptian girls to wed.
10. Living in hope of a better him that will not come
Change will never happen to a person unless he craves it. Period
Even when you give him strength, support and threats, he won’t do it. And there’s no such thing as marriage will change him. Open your eyes to his flaws; shatter that blinding love mirror before you end up in wretchedness.
11. Living just for himIt’s true that men love to feel like kings, they like to think that nothing in their women’s lives is as important as them. Still, they hate nagging women, who keep their eyes fixated only on them, who act like stalkers. Please don’t push yourself to end up with a nervous breakdown when he leaves, your man is a part of your life, don’t allow him to be your whole life.
12. Feeling ashamed of previous relationshipsBeing in love before is not a crime you should be punished for. Calling it quits on a doomed relationship reflects bravery and self-honesty. Don’t let a man punish you for a right he gave himself. You’re not a sinner and you certainly shouldn’t be treated like one.
13. Blaming yourself for everything that went wrong in your relationshipsI can’t comprehend self-pity and I can’t tolerate weakness. It takes two to start a relationship and the same two to end it. Taking responsibility for your share of mishaps is crucial, learning from the mistakes is mandatory but feeling flawed for failing a relationship is dim.
14. Forcing yourself where you’re unwantedIt happens a lot where a woman keep chasing after a man who’s rejecting her, refusing to believe that he’s not interested and excusing his discouraging behavior as being shy to ask her out. Why would you humiliate yourself that way? Why won’t you pick up on his polite hints? And why would you force yourself where you’re clearly unwanted?!

4 comments:

Sally said...

Bravo bravo bravo Lobna :) Never knew you were that good..5osara bgad konna katabna ma3 ba3d fel kolleyya! I loves it too!!!

LOBNA KHAIRY said...

Thank You Sally (",)

The blog of husfahmy said...

great blog, this article reminds me of a novel that I recently read called "Konna b-dafayer" by Dalia Assem...

Roon said...

Another "Perfect" post ... I just love it ...