Sunday, October 12, 2014

Have you met your worst nightmare?!

Have you ever met your worst nightmare? I had… today… literally!
The day starting as per normal… Me racing out of bed, reaching for my favorite cup half asleep and struggling to prepare a warm cup of coffee to balance my twirling head. I sat down and fetched my phone to dabble a bit on the ever-misleading facebook till I’m ready to go by my day.
Scrolling down… kept scrolling till I found something that caught my eye. A friend sharing her death analysis! Yup! “Know when and why you will die,” I read.
To tell you the truth, I’m not a superstitious type of girl. While it is true that I enjoy the occasional coffee cup reading sessions offered by a relative of mine, yet I don’t usually give it much thought. But I was up, had a few minutes to spare away from the thesis writing rabbit hole, so why the hell not?!
So I clicked on the link, agreed to share my info but made sure this will not be posted on my timeline- little did I know that I will be writing about it later today for the world to see- I chose “Analyze” and a second later I was covered with boiling coffee!

I felt the cold numbness crawling up my spine, my eyes popping out the way only Tom the cat knows how to pull off, and I irrationally threw away the phone terrified that the words will latch on to me. I got up, washed for the Morning Prayer and prayed long enough to shake what I have just read off my mind.
I dreamt it… I have seen it… Not once, but twice!
The first time was months ago… The dream was so intense that I felt the heat of the flames burning the side of my neck crisp and the cold sharp metal of the car penetrating my ribs. I heard my own voice calming my trembling nerves, “it will be over soon… I’ll be dead soon”
And the second time was only three weeks ago… less intense but vivid enough for my right leg to cringe every time I recall the rolling of the car and the sound of my bones cracking with every hit they get…
It is not a matter of when, because I don't know how my life will turn out. I'm working today for a near future that I have absolutely no idea of whether it will satisfy my ego or my hunger for uniqueness. I'm happy today but I'm not sure about tomorrow. It was never the quantity for my life as much as it has everything to do with the quality.
For that I know this may sound silly… I know this might seem like a trivial quiz on facebook but it touched a fear I have been dealing with for months. Simply, this is not how I want to die…
If it was up to me; I wish to die young on my favorite praying mat. May be I’m choosing the easy way out, for God will forgive all my sins and for me to walk the “sirat” with confidence like a proud graduate knowing her way to receive the certificate with the highest honors. Just like that! No struggles, no sickness, no pain; as peaceful as a sleeping baby.
But I still believe in the power of prayer. If I want this then I will work hard enough and pray as sincerely as I can for God to hear me and grant me my wishes. Yet, if I die in a car accident then this thing should be studied and investigated if I might add. Because how on earth would you know that! How can you guess that?! I have never written a post about my love for driving, or the fact that I love my car the way I would if I had a third child, or the fear of crashing, or that this is the exact same age my dad died, or the fact that I dread this number... Nothing!
I think I will wait and see… But I’m telling you if on the 9th of October 2059 I died in a car accident don’t call it fate! Say that she had already read her tribute and wrote about it. That is of course if you are still around!

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