The Preface

It’s been a while since I last spoke through you…

You were my whole world 

The only way to my inner peace

You were what defined me

unique... delicate... and worthy...

But 

A lot has happened…

I changed…

I have aged 20 years in the blink of an eye…

Things changed….

Please forgive my tears as they hinder your way…

For I have been trying not to disturb you…

I didn’t want to burden you with my pain…

Or may be I didn't want to -one day-  come face to face with them…

I have changed and I’m not going back…

I'm not necessarily wiser... I wouldn't call myself that...

I learnt cautiously to be cautious at all times…

Now my smile has to dig its way to my lips…

My thoughts have to be silenced...

They are too much to handle

And way too fast to trace

I learnt to expect the worst and be prepared…

I saw the enemy… the envy… and the hate…

I used to believe in unicorns and rainbows…

Now storms dominate…

I listen to them willingly on my own…

I bow to them... I am grateful...

They define me now...

Loud... fierce... and worthy...

I am no longer yours...

I don't need to hide behind you anymore...

I am not afraid of what they might think or speculate...

Simply because no one knows...

I thought I can use you to erase it all…

But I couldn’t write till I made peace first…

I fought hard and won the battle...

I lost a lot but gained what I once owned...

Think of me always...

watch me in silence...

Witness my rebellions

And forever be faithful...

I have been through a lot and I won’t tell you about it…

But I will tell you this…

I have changed and I’m not going back…