Tuesday, September 1, 2009

How to confront YOUR PARTNER with his FLAWS?! ( He Said She Said June'09)

One of the greatest things about this column is that my now called husband never reads it. This means I get to spill whatever I want about me, him or even us! And since we're talking confrontations, I've been there bad! I tried every trick in the book to lay him off gently, brutally, neutrally and sometimes happily. And so did he! So, to get to the bottom of this itchy subject, I have to take you along to where it all begins, to where every confrontation decision is born; the fight!

Generally speaking, when two people fall for each other as the honey-taste arises, disparities shine. And what causes fighting other than differences?! Nothing! Hence, each think in their own way, have different perspectives, judge, blame, lose sight at certain moments and there you go… Flaws all over the place!

Women when angry, disappointed or hurt can't help but blame! They, by which I mean we, have this weird capability to make anyone feel guilty. Thus during a fight, it's irrational to expect a woman to speak gently, caringly or worse… Sympathize. All we can do during this mind-numbing moment is blame and charge men for pushing us to reveal our ugly side!
Men, on the other hand, judge! It's doesn't sound any sweeter especially when arguing with women. As we need understanding, emotional support and love especially during fights. What men, unconsciously, do is go with the "I told you so" attitude, therefore judging women's temper, loud voice and the reason why they're so worked up over the subject. So you see that neither men nor women during that state of adrenaline rush can think straight, let alone navigate annoying flaws.

How to confront a woman?
First off, good luck! Secondly, Always keep in mind that women are sensitive, crying beings who love looking good. And I mean love looking perfect in every way especially in their men's eyes…
1. The worst thing about women is that they expect men to know the right things to say and do. Even I, writing this thus knowing it, expect nothing less from my man. So you have one choice other than taking your chances which is to try hard to show her that you won't leave, won't feel good unless she feels good again about herself. And then even if you slipped, stand up straight and try again and she'll forgive you because you've already told her you want her smiling.
2. Unlike men, women are ready to give their all just to see their men happy, even if the confrontation style was awful; she'll take the hint, but will never forget you spotted her flaw! So try to erase by constantly thanking her for taking your pointers into consideration
3. Another trick that never failed is to tell her that she working on her flaw would embark a huge difference on your relationship aka the most important thing in her life. And she'll be more than happy to do it.
4. Never threaten to leave her if she didn't obey your orders. Because she'll be the one to leave you, if not instantly, she'll obey you first then collect her stamina to kick you right off her life.

How to confront a man?
Telling a man that he has flaws and you've noticed instantly delivers an irrational message that you think less of him. And you know what that does to a man with an ego? Total destruction! So you have to be very careful.
1. The first thing you need to watch out is the tone and your initial catch phrase. If you begin your words with "You did" or " You said" or "You always do" or " Why do you always say" That would just toss your conversation attempt right out the window. As you have switched on his defensive mode and instead of talking things through, you'd hear him trying to convince you with reasons why he behaved that way. And we certainly don't want that!
2. Men have huge egos, no surprise here. So don't forget to praise them, glorify their presence in your life every once in a while during your talk.
3. When your words are still not getting through to him, use the fact that men are visual and draw him two very vivid images of how ecstatic your relationship would be when he quits his flaw and how annoying it would be if he persisted.
4. The love letter technique found in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Is actually effective, aside the fact where you have to read the love letters for each other which I think is so very cheesy. It truly helps you blow off some steam and talk in a more audible tone. You simply start with why you're angry, then sad, then afraid, then what do you regret not doing and finally why you love your man. That way you have love as the last thing on your mind and heart, so you come out all gentle and cute!


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