Saturday, October 10, 2009

How to brush off the ex effect?! (He Said She Said July'09)


The ordeal of wanting it all...

After a lousy breakup or an unexpected change of heart, the ex becomes nothing more of a memory; a well preserved memory. The preciousness of which have absolutely everything to do with where we are now. Single, committed, happily committed, can't wait till it's over committed or overshadowed by the past. However, everyone reacts differently to the sound of their ex's name and they have every right to feel that way based on how and why things ended. Some get that instant adrenaline rush of a 15 year old talking to his long time crush for the very first time; others have smoke coming out of their ears and flames rushing through their lips. But the luckiest of all are those who quietly remember the good and the bad with a gracious yet mysterious smile strong enough to keep their mouths and their hearts right where they should be. Yet, of course, those are the lucky sane ones who master the art of self-control. As for the other two, we are in serious need of pinning and a clear head to think straight with. But before struggling to get that to happen, here are the three common situations during which an ex can leave a permanent, how can I put this politely?!... A finger print!

1. Shaky grounds
My mum always says if it wasn't for the little holes, we wouldn't have appreciated smooth floors. But I always wondered how on earth would I even envision a smooth floor when I'm stuck in a filthy, smelly, dark hole?! How would I stand strong when my relationship is sinking and I have to graciously salute an old flame?! Wouldn't I secretly wish to be with the fun, can't seem to remember why I left him right now, guy rather than Mr. Reality?! Morals say no, one should never wish that, one should never think of that, instead one has to suck it up and go work on their shaky relationship. How?
a. Like a moth to a flame, one should seek protection in their partners' presence, bathe in their goodness and oversee their repelling side.
b. On the other hand, when running into the ex always try to make it as brief and as gracious as possible.
c. Most theories imply that part of the butterfly effect has to do with your level of self-satisfaction back then and where you are now. So, if you're longing for the past, you might be the reason why. Maybe you were more fit back then, less tempered, more energetic or fun.
d. And as I always suggest, the most effective way to get rid of any unwanted feeling is to remember why you left in the first place, remember all the bad times till you get that disgust in your gut!

2. Single & dying to mingle
The awesomeness of single-hood ends the moment you're reminded of a relationship you were once happy in. So, to lay it out gently, if you're single and ran into your ex, the feelings are resurfacing, you feel that you never really got over him. Your soul is battling whether or not you should give this another go; especially that he's also as free as a bird. Then you should consider going back only if:
a. The reasons why you called it quits looks numbingly stupid , trivial and petty right now.
b. After having your share of bad dates, you believe that his good qualities outweigh his bad one.
c. You've grown up, became more responsible and reasonable, I might add, and that you can handle the downsides of being with him. Period

3. The Obnoxious tell off
Karma usually finds its funny ways to pay back any wisecracker without even noticing. So picture this, you're sipping your coffee peacefully one day when you notice your abhorrent ex coming your direction. Now don't get me wrong, he's not just any ex, he's the one who grabbed your heart and smeared your favorite wallpaper with it, he's the one who left you lifeless for so long that you almost gave up breathing, he's the one who robbed your ability to love and trust. And all you can think of at this very moment is how to react?! Should you yell? Scream? Bite his head off? Settle this once and for all jungle style? Walk away? Or simply hi back?!
a. If it's been 5 -10 years, let it go, take the highroad for karma has definitely done its part.
b. 2 -4 years, you have the right to give him the cold treatment. But don't go too far. We don't want him thinking you're still hung up on him.c. month -1 year. The world is your dance floor. Do it your way. But I would recommend either a silent treatment or a walk away. After all, the wound is still exposed, fresh and thirsty for treatment!


4 comments:

Intuition. said...

came in its time ya lobna begad =DDD

LOBNA KHAIRY said...

Looooooool... Hope it helped (",)

may abouzaid said...

msh 2draa a2olk ana 2d b7b ur writings
but i adoore this one
l2eno geh fe wa2to gddddddddddddn ya lobna

LOBNA KHAIRY said...

Thank you ya May bgd for your support (",)