Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Inside the Men's Maze

Forevermore, it has been a mutual apprehension that both men and women see each other as enigmatic creatures who never fail to drive the other up the wall trying to cope with the loathed yet desired disparities. But it’s no secret that men and women are wired differently, thus it’s the meticulous understanding of how each gender is wired that will help decode their secret languages. Deciding to start with the male side first was never a happily paraded choice, for you wouldn’t believe the numerous articles and research papers conducted on understanding women and the diminutive, barely noticed “notes” written about men! I’ve always known women to be the talkative gender, but always assumed that men are the self-absorbed snobs who only care about their needs and wants. Never in a million years would I’ve expected that men could be considered a minority compared to women, don’t get me wrong, I’m proud, but come on I had to go to page 10 to find a decent research about men!!
So out of deep concern for us women and for the men who might not know why they act or react the way they do, let’s pick on their brains first…

There are usually three things that all women regardless their age, social standards or even relationship statuses complain about when it comes to their men. One: they always seem to overlook our existence when at work or hanging out with friends, two: the way they react to our concerns is so nonchalant that it hints the triviality of our thoughts and three: there never is a “perfect timing” for us to talk.

I know I’m not supposed to take sides here, but sometimes I can’t just ignore my feminine temperament nor the fact that I’m in a relationship myself. Except that this is all confusing and may be even impressive, for how can a man one day says that he wants to spend his entire life by his woman’s side when the minute he walks into his office, he literally forgets all about her! Do you see my point now? It’s because of these actions, women vibes the instability of their relationships and since our hands are never tied, it’s only inevitable for us to fight for the survival of “us” with all the artilleries we can master.
A lot can provide a simple answer for this quandary by saying that men are task-oriented, and it’s true. But it’s just never enough, I mean, ever since we’ve learnt how to spell the word relationship, it has been sort of a given that men are the butch ones who’re main concern is business while women are the emotional malleable gender who’re always on the search for love. Which is very applicable, giving nature norms, but it goes further than this, much deeper than sentiment or passion. For it is no longer acceptable to say this is how men have always been, they have always been that way for a reason and you’re about to find out why…
The open and shut case:

Almost two years ago, I came across a phrase that read “Men think in a sequential way while women think in a spiral way”. I wasn’t all that surprised by that spiral notion as it’s almost a fact that women excel when it comes to multitasking, something we’ve been bantering men over for years. But it’s definitely that sequential arrangement that got me into thinking, for it was the awaited salvation every woman needed to find her way through the men’s maze. Grasping the concept of men’s way of thinking is easily accomplished by picturing the things that usually cram their minds as an apartment divided up into rooms. Of course there can be thousands of rooms there, but let’s only focus on the common details. Usually there are 4 things that’s always on a man’s mind; sex, friends, home (denoting the wife and kids) and work. On any given day, a man wakes up in the morning to go to work but before he does that, he has to close the home “room” for him to open the work “room”. Meaning that a man is capable of giving his full attention to only one thing at a time, he can never be in two places. That explains a lot right? That’s why he barely calls when at work or with friends, it’s because his mind is mainly set on one thing and it’s only when a man’s comfortable that he can think of many things at the same time. Thus choosing the “perfect timing” to talk about whichever is never when he’s watching TV or with friends, because he won’t give you his full attention then, he has to be mentally out of those rooms to enter yours.
And sometimes he can be physically in one place when his mind is elsewhere, like struggling with a work-related problem, that’s why I chose the word “mentally” as this is what matters the most.

So now you know the secret and probably figured out why men seem all that confused when we accuse them of forgetting all about us.
It’s just how their brains work, more organized and in sequence than ours. Now all what’s left for me to do is provide you with how do women think, but since it’s a lo-oooo-ng story, let’s save it for next time. Now, I’ll leave you with
Facts about men any women should know:
- Men prefer to keep their problems to themselves and think about them for a while.
- A man would want to come up with something concrete to say or a specific solution for a problem rather than just discussing several options with women.
- The average male is far less verbal than the average female.
- Roughly 60% of all men are of the T-Type “thinkers”
- Many men feel like they are expected to lead. When others don't follow, men can feel like failures
- Many men prefer to work individually rather than as a team
- Some men appear to be especially critical or to enjoy conflict

2 comments:

Fecho said...

Hmmm... Interesting observations and deductions. Yet I still believe that most of the characteristics for both men and women are induced by society and culture. In other words: they are learned behaviour. I am an old lady in my 60's, married to a musician, a classical composer. Over the years I noticed a sort of "gender reversal" in our case. Since my husband is the more sensitive, artistic type, I gradually became the more pragmatic one in our relationship, almost to the point that whatever you wrote as female characteristics fit my husband and the male characteristics fit me. This certainly doesn't bother me, I am who I am. Still very much a woman, wife, mother, grandmother. Just not a talkative shopaholic kind... :) Or rather, more of a business type, not "always on the search for love".

Anyway, I just wanted to present our case as proof of my original statement.

LOBNA KHAIRY said...

Thank you so much for your comment... I believe that not all women are the same and accordingly the rule as well applies to men...
What I mentioned in the article is the avarage man's way of thinking and in the next article (invading her territory) I discuss the female side... And I completely agree that this theory in no way makes you less of a woman nor makes your husband less of a man... It's like I said women differs as much as men...